No, I would not agree to marrying someone without meeting and getting to know them first. Your parents can put all the pressure they want on you......but in the end, its your final decision......you are the one who says yes or no to the marriage proposal. And if the marriage turns out to be an incompatible disaster......then you can't blame your parents. Because it was YOU who agreed to it.
You can't base marriage decisions on generalizations. The idea that "Your parents choice of a partner will ALWAYS be good for you" is a generalization.......meaning it DOESN'T always end up like that. I've seen people marry their parents choice without complaining.....only to end up in a miserable dysfunctional marriage. And I've also seen people marry their parents' choice and end up very happy. I've seen successful and unsuccessfularranged marriages. And I've seen successful **and **unsuccessful love marriages l.
Don't base your decisions on generalizations because there will ALWAYS be exceptions to the generalizations. What works for one person may not work for the other.
When you go shopping, do you buy things without examining them? Do you buy clothes without trying them on first? No, you don't. You buy what suits **you best. **BUT at least with products....you can return them back to the store if you don't like them and get a full refund.
^ Sorry, you can't do that with a human being. You can't return a person back and get a refund. And this is a matter that involves your LIFE.....so it's wise to get to meet the person to see if he suits you, is compatible to you, before agreeing to say "I DO."
man oh man, if i had to marry someone i didnt know at all, id come out crying the next morning from the bedroom and probably cry the whole night. i guess its just the beliefs ur brought up with. i dont know anyone that got married without getting to know their potential spouse. my parents, all of my uncles and aunts have either dated the person or gotten to know them once the rishtas came.
I could never sleep with someone I'd just met a few hours before and prob not even spoken to properly, actually even spending the night with a 'stranger' in his house with all his family would be too weird for me. I mean the whole coming out of his room the next morning and people wondering if we had done 'it' would make me cringe...
I think any sensible man would be understanding enough not to 'do it' the first night if he doesn't know the girl at all. I consider it rather animalistic.
I think both the Western construct of trying to know everything before marriage (living together, experimenting, questioning, falling back and forth); and the 'traditional' eastern construct of not knowing each other at all, are flawed. You can get a general idea about someone by meeting/talking with them a few times. A graphical outline of a picture is enough to give u an idea whether or not it would look good. You can try to fill in the colours later.
I agree. I dated my husband for about 6 yrs out of which 3 yrs we lived in different countries and spoke mostly online and over the phone so got to know a lit about each other. We recently got married and I’m surprised by all the things I didn’t know about him specially his bad habit of leaving his socks all over the place!!
how do u know if the person u know very well and u marry him/her will remain the same person whom u once knew?.. things happen.. people change over time.. marriage i say is a gamble regardless of howevermuch u know the other person. You gotta work on making it successful.
*Thought it was an interesting post- most can't imagine not knowing the guy, but you know if you think about it... lets say the girl doesn't know the guy, but she knows she's getting engaged/married, and I'm sure she's seen a picture and/or heard lots of things about him. Before she gets married, even though she doesn't know him per se, she would probably have a tremendous emotional attachment to the guy, so even though it's like they're strangers, they already have feelings for each other (if both parties are genuinely interested). You can't think of it in the way that they don't know anything about each other and they're "total strangers". My parents first met at their engagement, and no contact till the wedding; it was very common back then. *
it's unthinkable now because you probably have already interacted with guys near your age at school/college/work so you probably think, "how cani know these guys more than my to-be husband?"
Agree.
I wouldn't like to meet after seeing picture or movie before marriage.
From some of the posts in this thread, apparently it is not okay to sleep with a man you have never seen before but it is okay to sleep with a man you have seen once before.
Okay that was the punch line. Now, I dont agree with the assumption that the guy you have chosen for yourself would be better than who your parents would choose for you. The guy you know from somewhere - be that school/college, work, otherwise, might not turn out to be the person you think he is. When dating and courting, people tend to be at the best of their behavior, and many pretend to be the best people on the planet. Someone who apparently is all neat looking, could have serious psychological issues that you are not aware of. My point is, in majority of cases marriage is a chance. From religious point of view, I am not an expert but I believe it has more to do with your destiny that Allah has written for you. You just can never be sure. Ideally, you would certainly be more comfortable with someone you know
Your parents, on the other hand, will keep many things in mind while choosing someone for you. Their family background, education, job, future - any parent will want to be sure about that person before they agree on marrying their daughter to them. Then again, its a chance that they take, but based on a well-worked risk management approach. And again, you can never be sure. In good old days, it was normally the parents' job to arrange such deals, and majority worked out very well.
Having said all, yes one should get to see (ideally in a short meeting) their partner-to-be to ensure that they arent hideous or otherwise repellent.
From some of the posts in this thread, apparently it is not okay to sleep with a man you have never seen before but it is okay to sleep with a man you have seen once before.
Okay that was the punch line. Now, I dont agree with the assumption that the guy you have chosen for yourself would be better than who your parents would choose for you. The guy you know from somewhere - be that school/college, work, otherwise, might not turn out to be the person you think he is. When dating and courting, people tend to be at the best of their behavior, and many pretend to be the best people on the planet. Someone who apparently is all neat looking, could have serious psychological issues that you are not aware of. My point is, in majority of cases marriage is a chance. From religious point of view, I am not an expert but I believe it has more to do with your destiny that Allah has written for you. You just can never be sure. Ideally, you would certainly be more comfortable with someone you know
Your parents, on the other hand, will keep many things in mind while choosing someone for you. Their family background, education, job, future - any parent will want to be sure about that person before they agree on marrying their daughter to them. Then again, its a chance that they take, but based on a well-worked risk management approach. And again, you can never be sure. In good old days, it was normally the parents' job to arrange such deals, and majority worked out very well.
Having said all, yes one should get to see (ideally in a short meeting) their partner-to-be to ensure that they arent hideous or otherwise repellent.
From some of the posts in this thread, apparently it is not okay to sleep with a man you have never seen before but it is okay to sleep with a man you have seen once before.
Okay that was the punch line. Now, I dont agree with the assumption that the guy you have chosen for yourself would be better than who your parents would choose for you. The guy you know from somewhere - be that school/college, work, otherwise, might not turn out to be the person you think he is. When dating and courting, people tend to be at the best of their behavior, and many pretend to be the best people on the planet. Someone who apparently is all neat looking, could have serious psychological issues that you are not aware of. My point is, in majority of cases marriage is a chance. From religious point of view, I am not an expert but I believe it has more to do with your destiny that Allah has written for you. You just can never be sure. Ideally, you would certainly be more comfortable with someone you know
Your parents, on the other hand, will keep many things in mind while choosing someone for you. Their family background, education, job, future - any parent will want to be sure about that person before they agree on marrying their daughter to them. Then again, its a chance that they take, but based on a well-worked risk management approach. And again, you can never be sure. In good old days, it was normally the parents' job to arrange such deals, and majority worked out very well.
Having said all, yes one should get to see (ideally in a short meeting) their partner-to-be to ensure that they arent hideous or otherwise repellent.
