Re: Marrying someone from back home.
hm.. maybe this is common more in U.K but here in U.S it's not that bad I guess.. I know a few of family friends who got married and migrated to u.s and are making more money than most average people make studying in U.S. I guess some of it has to do with your luck as well huh! Ofcourse these people having most of their degrees in masters of engineering or some sort of sciences.
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
i don't think ur being paranoid at all. u have valid concerns about the job situation. fair enough guys from back home may have better moral values and ethics blah di blah but the truth is he will find it difficult here to get a job. the daughter of a family friend got married back home a couple of years ago. the guy is educated to degree level but he hasn't managed to find a 'proper' job yet. he stacks shelves in an asian supermarket and they barely make ends meet. to his credit he works really hard to provide for his wife now that they have a baby too. despite the money situation the girl is really happy and they have created a nice family life for themselves.
u just have to weigh up whats important to u
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
i never understood how girls/guys born and raised in the west can marry someone from back home. The MENTALITY is totally different.
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
^^ true ... its like they come from another planet
Personally i wouldnt advise u to get married in pakistan mainly for the reason u suggested. no matter what education he has back home its not gona help him abroad.
my sister got married back home and she has to deal with all the issues u mentioned, and its 'her' problem, the families only get involved to a certain extent, its u who is left to deal with it. if she didnt have a good job they would struggle alot, the only reason they are living comfortably is because she runs the house, she pays for everything.
I have seen alot of bad experiences of girls marrying guys from back home, the situations are all very similar.
i think u shud consider someone where u live, atleast u wont have these worries and undertsnading will be similar aswell
^^ true ... its like they come from another planet
haha that is so true. u make a joke for example and they just wont 'get' it. thats what opened my eyes about guys from back home.
^^ true .. they are used to getting everything served in a tray ...
^^ true ... its like they come from another planet
haha that is so true. u make a joke for example and they just wont 'get' it. thats what opened my eyes about guys from back home.
I'm sorry you girls have had bad experiences, but sweeping statements like this are what makes Pakistani girls living abroad look bad.
^They do seem like sweeping statements but this is what happens more often than not with UK girls who marry guys from 'back home.'
I know it's very different in the US. The men who move over there tend to be much more hard-working and also their mindset tends to be different in that they're usually more liberal and/or educated.. most of the men who come to the UK solely thru marriage are totally different.. I don't think the education/job thing is even the most important factor (as long as he's willing to learn or do something constructive eg. set up a business and not sit around on his backside claiming benefits in this country).. u'll find these guys often have very traditional fixed views on the way their wives are allowed to dress, if they should work, how often they can socialise with friends etc., it can become really messy..
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
Can we have a sub-forum titled 'marrying someone from back home'?
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
^ 
^They do seem like sweeping statements but this is what happens more often than not with UK girls who marry guys from 'back home.'
I know it's very different in the US. The men who move over there tend to be much more hard-working and also their mindset tends to be different in that they're usually more liberal and/or educated.. most of the men who come to the UK solely thru marriage are totally different.. I don't think the education/job thing is even the most important factor (as long as he's willing to learn or do something constructive eg. set up a business and not sit around on his backside claiming benefits in this country).. u'll find these guys often have very traditional fixed views on the way their wives are allowed to dress, if they should work, how often they can socialise with friends etc., it can become really messy..
If more often than not that's what happens, as you say, then don't marry a man from back home.
Don't give in to family pressure and emotional blackmail to marry a cousin.
If someone marries the guy out of their own free will and thats the result....that's unfortunate but still not fair to make a sweeping statement.
If I'm not happy with my husband about something, I don't go and blame the country of his upbringing or education for it because that's just ridiculous.
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
Never marry anyone from back home , most of them are brown . I’ll say go for blond :k:
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
Meet the person, make up your mind.
If all else fails find someone local.
i never understood how girls/guys born and raised in the west can marry someone from back home. The MENTALITY is totally different.
True to an extent, but unfortunately you also have desis living in the west with more backwards mentality than people born/bred in paki.....so it all depends on the person & their family. I also know people who recently came from paki and they fit right in in a short period of time. It all depends on the person and who they may be marrying.
To the poster: Look into it, find out what he does, find out about his personality, character, work ethic etc. Is he working there, does he work hard, is he ambitious...stuff of that nature. Like someone else mentioned depending on his credentials it might not be so bad work wise, especially people with engineering, IT backgrounds and experience.
My hubby is from Pindi and came here after marriage 4 years ago. He had done up to Master's in pakistan but had some work experience. He had his degrees evaluated here from WES and it was equivalent to double Bachelor's degree here. He also took a few IT courses and was doing a pretty decent job in the field. He recently got laid off, but hey no one is immune to lay-offs anymore are they. Khair he is again doing some IT course and furthering his skills. As for personality, we had our clashes in the beginning BUT communication is KEY. As long as 2 people are willing to work together, then it can definitely work out, happily :)
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
Oh yeah in regards to accent, fitting etc. I have some cousins that recently came from pak, and the way they talk, you can hardly tell that they JUST got here, even though they are only here on summer vacation but still. If the person went to good english medium schools..a level....accredited university...good experience....work wise...
and if known thru family to be a good person overall....someone you can gel with....i would look into it. Ideally you can find right guy in your home country.....but if not then....
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
its good and bad i mean i understand both views personally i married from pakistan by CHOICE simply cos i cant stand guys in this country however the guy i married is highly educated he works in pak too he works in the IT sector has been getting offers to move to various countries for almost two years but has not and i know alot of girls who have married guys from bk home who r really gud really hard working do their jobs provide for their wives and keep them happy.
however i dont understand this mentality recently a friend of mine who is a qaulifed social worker so basically has a degree in it , and her parents got her engaged to a cousin from back home now this cousin is three years younger then her is a three time metric fail and just sits at home all day what is he gona do here??!!! and why would parents do this to their children...
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
God I think this kind of a situation is a huge gamble, marriage itself is a big gamble, and on top of that to marry someone who was raised in a totally different country can be challenging.
I have seen few good and bad examples. Personally there was no way I would m,arry some one from back home. No disrespect but sometimes egos, settling down issues, complexes(could be either guys' or your, both inf. and sup.) can be too huge to overcome. I know I sound negative, if I were you, I wouldn't do it because it is too big of a risk to take.
If more often than not that's what happens, as you say, then don't marry a man from back home.
Don't give in to family pressure and emotional blackmail to marry a cousin.
If someone marries the guy out of their own free will and thats the result....that's unfortunate but still not fair to make a sweeping statement. If I'm not happy with my husband about something, I don't go and blame the country of his upbringing or education for it because that's just ridiculous.
its a fact that the enviroment, ur education, the country where u grew up does define ur way of living, ur way of thinking, ur way of handling things and situations ur mentality ... just everything ...
cuz believe it or not ...
two people from two different "worlds" can have hell a lot of differences with each other ...
haha that is so true. u make a joke for example and they just wont 'get' it. thats what opened my eyes about guys from back home.
true ... ^^
Re: Marrying someone from back home.
WOW, such great responses guys, thanks.
my cousin got married to a guy from pak and when he came over he couldnt find work, his wife wasnt working either, thus relying on money from parents. he ended up working in sum rubbish restaurant for less than minimum wage and was seriously over worked.