My mum is looking for rishta’s for me and we’ve seen a couple here, some are born brits others are students from pak. Now, my mum has seen a guy when she went to pak in march and really liked him, so yesterday she said that when she goes next time, i should go with her and see if i like the guy or not. Now, last night I couldnt help but think about what would happen if i ended up with a guy from back home. i kept thinking about, how he would get a job here, would kind of job it would be?, its already tough has it is getting a job nowadays with the current climate and i just couldnt help but think about it.
how is he going to find living in the uk? different surrondings, environment, will he be able to adjust? am i going to have to support him if he has no luck in finding work? he maybe qualified with a good education, but nowadays employers do not look at qualifications, they look at experience and skills.
i cant stop thinking about these things, and a part of me is really really scared. a few of my mates have got married from back home and their husbands are working in factories or in a restaurant, and i dont want that. i want him to have a proper good job, with a good income, but i’m frightened that wont be the case.
Desi lads might not be as smart at fancy dinners and they might not be as classy as some second gereation migrants in the UK.
But take it from me even Paindoo Desi boys are street smart.
Check it out anyway if you think the guys worth it then dont let nothing stop you…
Maybe he’s a real prince charming… but if he turns out to be a buck toothed desi mamas boy who cant even speak properly then feel free to tell him that in the UK you have to do tests…
That would send them running usually.
But as a Paindoo myself i’d say check it out first.
Back home theres a lot of Bad and Ugly guys but theres plenty of good ones too.
funky honey..i dont think ur mom would think about looking in pakistan if she didnt have to..so stay positive..be open minded
guys from pak have good morals..r hard working understand their responsibiblties and r respectful..especially lower n middle class ones n even paindoos
I actually don't think your being paranoid! Some guys from back home that have come down here are actually idiots! They're rude and arrogant and think just because they're down in UK, they're pretty much ok to leech of the government and sit around all day! Just find out what type of guy he is - whether you think he's hard working, family type of guy. Be sure of it before you go into this marriage - Your not paranoid just worried about your future that's all. and your right when you say it's hard to get a job - a decent job! Good luck!
Listen funny dear, the biggest problem from what I have seen witht he guys/girls coming from back home is that their degrees and credentials do not hold much value here. I think that is one of the thigns you should discuss with him that he would have to do some post graduate studies to get UK credentials. Once he has those then yeah he is on par with anyone else who got his education in the UK and maybe a lil better of even because of his past work expiriences.
Since we're talking about a girls' future and well being (its the guys responsibility to support her) I definitely think its a valid concern.
FC, how old are you? what do you do? Are you going to school? Do you plan to work (ie, have a career....not just a job) later on? If the guy is decent enough, and you feel you can get along with him....then the job/immigration thing shouldn't deter you I think.
Many women marry men from back home and are happy......
My mum is looking for rishta's for me and we've seen a couple here, some are born brits others are students from pak. Now, my mum has seen a guy when she went to pak in march and really liked him, so yesterday she said that when she goes next time, i should go with her and see if i like the guy or not. Now, last night I couldnt help but think about what would happen if i ended up with a guy from back home. i kept thinking about, how he would get a job here, would kind of job it would be?, its already tough has it is getting a job nowadays with the current climate and i just couldnt help but think about it.
how is he going to find living in the uk? different surrondings, environment, will he be able to adjust? am i going to have to support him if he has no luck in finding work? he maybe qualified with a good education, but nowadays employers do not look at qualifications, they look at experience and skills.
i cant stop thinking about these things, and a part of me is really really scared. a few of my mates have got married from back home and their husbands are working in factories or in a restaurant, and i dont want that. i want him to have a proper good job, with a good income, but i'm frightened that wont be the case.
am i just being paranoid?
another girl who is more focused on how much her future husband would bring in rather than the guy.
any knowledgeable person could tell me what are husband responsibilities when ti comes to wife. He is responsible for basic needs of her, am i correct?
Man doesn't have to buy her jewelery, whine and dine, vacations trips??
cuz even if i can afford, i anit spending that money on her..you make your own money. getting sick of gold diggers
don't be scared at all.. i hate to say it but most men in pakistan are far better in valuees and education than abroad.. this is my own personal experience..so atleast give it a try and if it doesn't work out atleast you gave it a try..
If values, morals, education, ethics, hard-work and bright future are important for you, dont worry, these are not the "jagir" of kids raised in west. No region (east or west) can claim monopoly on it but if fashion, accent and social moves are more important for you then you are rightly concerned. You have to put an effort to bring him up-to-date.
i can totally understand what is going tru ur mind funky chicken ...
i married a guy from back home ... his degree is worth nothing here, hes just doing some part time delievery job, his english is average and the last option he has kept open for himself is that if he doenst find anything better hell drive a cab ...
i wont deny that some of them who are back from pakistan are hard working ... no doubt in that ...
but i dun totally aggree on the values thing with sum of u guys here ...
they can be so stubborn and narrow minded that u feel like killing urself,, they dun always respect ur family ... they neva forget and they neva forgive ... hold grudges foreva ...
and one mistake from ur familys side .. then it goes like how can they say this to their damaad, how can they do that to their damaad ... they are too much stuck on this " i am their damaad" thing ... and i dun think they even put any effort in adjusting to new things or new ways of living ...
if i was given the chance to decide abt marriage again, i would neva eva marry a guy from back home ..
u just make sure, that he is really highly skilled and his qualifications are recognized here in the uk so that he finds something proper ova here and doesnt has to live off by benefits or lil part time jobs ...
and if u get the chance to talk to him in private or get to know him a a bit better then definitely do and try to find out if his thinking matches with urs ... dun let anybody pressure u, i know ur mum likes this guy .. but its you at the end of the day who has to stay with that guy foreva ...
shuru may to saare ache hote hein and people pretend a lot ... especially if they know that their son/daughter is gonna go abroad ...
It all depends on the person and as everybody else is saying, if he's gained all his qualifications from Pakistan he'll have to top up with a Masters etc. A friend of mine married from back home and her husband gained a Masters and is now studying for a PhD!!!
A relative of mine was in the Merchent Navy in Pakistan but came to the UK and retrained and now he works in insurance and is living comfortably.
However if this can't be your only critreon, it takes lot more to make a marriage work, listen to what Honey*19 is saying and make sure the person is not like this. Get to know them as well as you can.
Funny chicken i think u are being worried for the right reasons. It is important for you and your parents to think if the guy will be a good fit in UK. If you are not going to think abt ur future now, when and who will?
Some ppl have suggested that u r acting like a "gold digger"...well u r not. What if u marry a guy, he doesn't find a job, stays home, u r working and paying all the bills (nothing wrong with that...i share my bills with my husband)...but when u come home u have to cook n clean as well. Most guys from pakistan are not use to doing house work. SOrry but thats the reality. What thn? Fights!!!
OP, If u ask others who've been in that situation and gone ahead with the marriage 'would u do it again if u had the choice?' prob 90% will say 'no' for the reasons already mentioned above by Honey*19.. Not saying all the guys are like that obviously but it does seem as tho the majority who come over to the UK end up not making anything of themselves, either end up doing very low-paid work or odd jobs or living off benefits and added to that there's usually a huge gap between the outlook, values etc. of the girl and the guy..
If u are seriously considering marrying 'back home' pls make sure u spend as much time as possible with him, hate to say this but sometimes our own parents will pretend that marrying 'back home' will be better for u when in reality it's just better for them and if/when the problems start it will be you who is left to deal with it, ppl will tend to just look the other way or say 'have sabr' which is more or less desi code for 'just get on with it'..
