why if u get married to someone and find at afterwards that the person wasn’t how his/her family and how he/she described themselves? like why if they turned out that they drank or used to drink, went clubbing, had boyfriends/girlfriends, etc etc etc? what would u do? this happened to one of my friends and he’s completely shocked as are we… i think it would be so hard, because that person lied to you from the beginning and now with so many other factors being introduced like family and friends especially with us desis, it would be so hard to tell anyone or to leave that person due to fear… i dont know what i would do it would be so hard because on one hand u wanto be with this person and try to love them, but on the other hand theres all this baggage with them which they never told you about… plus this guy is really nice and shareef… i would be pretty mad with this person cuz if they had told me before i would be more understanding and i would be completely truthful with all my answers… but afterwards, its something u could never forget but if that person has honestly changed then i might be able to deal with it but i would have been way happier if they had told me before hand… what r ur guys thoughts?
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why if u get married to someone and find at afterwards that the person wasn't how his/her family and how he/she described themselves? like why if they turned out that they drank or used to drink, went clubbing, had boyfriends/girlfriends, etc etc etc? what would u do? this happened to one of my friends and he's completely shocked as are we....
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It is your friend`s mistake. He/She must have explored that person through various sources and throughly! It is the matter of life my friend, a matter of life...
my 2 cents.
I'd be pretty pissed off too if I found out my wife or wife-to-be was a porno star and didn't tell me about it.
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Originally posted by fallenpieta: *
I'd be pretty pissed off too if I found out my wife or wife-to-be was a **porno star * and didn't tell me about it.
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lolz......I think that one should be honest....I wouldnt be able to trust that person if he isnt honest to me.
Has your friend confronted her about her past? Who knows what the situation is. She may have major regrets, then again she may have none. To get over it, I would think you would have to communicate with each other about it and then ultimately, forgiveness would have to come into play if you want the marriage to survive. It takes time to build trust and i'm sure it'll take time to get over finding out about the other person's past. Both husband and wife have to make a genuine effort though and communicate.
I think we should get that persons DNA sample, Blood group type, Health Reports, Criminal Reports, maybe even hire some private investigator to go into her background and meet her old high school friends and find out what she is really like.....lol..i am jooking
ok I think you should just be honest, cuz marrying someone is the biggest decision that you can make in life. You gotta have clear picture of each others past. If she keeps her past a secret, it will eventualy come out sooner or later, and could jepordize the marraige.
Reminds me of an incident a friend told me about a potential proposal he went out with. The guy was very conservative and wanted an arranged marriage so family/friends made him meet a girl from a very respectable family. On their first meeting out, the guy asked her what she wanted on her birthday, she said she needed a thong from VS. The guy got a little shocked at this lil’ wish of hers. Then during the journey (I dont know the details of how it happened but) the girl grabbed something in b/w the guy while he was driving and he could not concentrate on his driving.
It has changed his opinion of arranged marriages 
Also, a counsin of mine got engaged with a girl he instantly fell in love with (she was so pretty). They were engaged for a year and suddenly her family started to pressurize the cousin’s family on proceeding with marriage. The cousin was not in a hurry but his family got concerned at the amount of pressure the girl’s family put on them, they investigated… turns out… the girl had to go through an abortion.
Both the above cases from very conservative families.
And oh yeah, the second case… the cousin wasnt the cause cz they only met at their engagement and then the cousin went back to the country where he worked and they only talked on the phone for one year when this happened… all of a sudden.
The cousin told us in a very “roni” voice… I spent so much money on the long telephone calls with her all days and nights wondering when she got time to “get adventurous”
^ ppl r horrible :-/
i was watching shaadi online and they suggested u get whole medical history of the person who u are going to marry ;)
^ good idea!
:D
Just imagine the possibilities...
What she did at clubs, how she used to drink and dance with other guys. She was always on the prowl, looking for men, because deep inside she knew she would have an arranged marriage soon, and this is the only time she can be adventurous. I bet she loved it when men bought her drinks and how she would tease them. They could touch her, but only so much. She would let guys grind against her, and when she was really drunk, she would let them touch her all over.. ahhhhhh
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*Originally posted by TheNewWannaBe: *
The guy got a little shocked at this lil' wish of hers. Then during the journey (I dont know the details of how it happened but) the girl grabbed something in b/w the guy while he was driving and he could not concentrate on his driving.
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maybe she just liked manual cars..
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*Originally posted by TeenDabbyWala: *
Just imagine the possibilities...
What she did at clubs, how she used to drink and dance with other guys. She was always on the prowl, looking for men, because deep inside she knew she would have an arranged marriage soon, and this is the only time she can be adventurous. I bet she loved it when men bought her drinks and how she would tease them. They could touch her, but only so much. She would let guys grind against her, and when she was really drunk, she would let them touch her all over.. ahhhhhh
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yeh thats y u gotta be cautious with these abcd girls...
btw stop drooling already...
Marry me..I'm a good girl...the worst I get is when I come online on GS.
Well if you find out later your spouse wasn;t what they said he/she was supposed to me then in my opinion it's all a bit too late...and if you got no othe roption then live with it..if he drinks..hide the bottles..if he comes how drunk..set the dog on him...if he's a womanizer...threaten castration...if he's a gambler then freeze all the bank accounts..if he is or was a pron star..then my dear you've hit the jackpot...and if you don;t want him..pass him on to me ;)
dunno..i mean...its not like u dont have secrets in teh past?
yah everyone has secrets but i mean c'mon if its something like that then its pretty bad...i dont really know the details of how this girl feels now but who knows she could be just as bad, if not worse now that she knows she has this guy stuck with her cuz i dont think hes goona leave her although i'm sure he's thought of it...i guess he should pray, make every effort possible to change her, and when she changes she'll also realize the sacrifice that he made for her... and inshallah Allah (swt) will grant him jannat for doing such a great thing
my question.. why do people jump straight into a wedding without trying to get to know their potential first? i know, people can still lie about their identity and what they do, but still, its a good idea to do ur "checks" prior to doing the qabools..
having said that, he should probably talk to her.. not yell or anything but discuss things in a mature manner.. maybe she'll listen to him
yah i think it would be a good idea for him to talk with her to see what her side of the story is.... but lets say u love someone so much and ur going to get married to them... there would be this fear in u not to do these "checks" cuz the fear of finding out something u dont wanto hear is so great u know what i mean... but then again how could u love someone who told such a big lie right from the start? i dunno its a weird situation i guess he should see what she has to say first...i remember i saw a tv show or a movie once where this guy falls in love with a girl, but later finds out she had a sex change and was really a guy.... "her" response was "i thought if i could make you love me you wouldn't care about this" ... maybe thats what this girl had in her mind :)
ok hmm... if someone loved me or i loved someone prior to marriage, i would assume that we knew most things about one another.. and that means that we had considerable amount of time to understand and get to know each others personality..
i dont believe u can love someone without knowing them. So the argument u raise about loving someone and then fear to do the checks.. its sorta not appropriate.. yeah?
b/w drinking and clubbing.. hmm its not that big of a lie. Take it this way, maybe she loved him that much that she feared that if she told him, she'd lose him... theres always three sides to the story