salams
i was just wondering if some of you are married outside your ethnicities…like punjabi and pathan…punjabi and urdu speaking…sindhi and urdu speaking..etc etc…
and how that experience has been?
would appreciate your feedback from any angle of the issue…thanks :~)
Forget Punjabia nd pathan or kashmiri or assam...think out of the box man. Think bout lahore and London or New Delhi and New Canaan. Variety is the spice of life. Bridging gaps and making this a world a better place..if you can.
thanks for the reply 
Variety is the spice of life
hmmm…but doesn’t too much spice cause ulcers 
Bridging gaps and making this a world a better place
hmmm…but is it worthwhile?
btw i’m not a man!!!
Well I am married to a woman of a different ethnicity & living happily. It depends upon you how u make your home, how much u love the person & how are u loved and treated.
Also how much pressure u get from ur own family & how u tackle with it. Its entirely upto the couple, race & ethnicity doesn't matter.
Najim ji, thanks for the reply.
Hmm...what about when bhabi meets elders from your family who for example, might speak and understand only punjabi, then do you feel like there is a communication gap...and that vital connection is missing..or is that not the case? does she sometimes feel not as much as part of your family as you both would like...? also, how much of an obstacle is it to pass on your ethnic language and culture to your kids? i realise that its abt the individual but are there still any disadvantages that you would like to point out for someone who is not in that situation yet but could be so they could consider those issues beforehand..
It depends how important ethnicity is and how much ethnicity has on person's behaviour. Generally, i have noticed that ethnicity make less difference if a couple is born in the west no matter what ethnicity they come from while in desi land it can create problems but it shouldn't.
funy thing is that in old days people of the sub continent used to have inter-ethnic marriages but now they are more reluctant to get their kids married in different ethnicity. a friend of mine was stopped getting married to a pakistani girl while he was bengali by his parents. he always said that how come i m a khan born in bangladesh and my grandfather got married to a bengali and i can't?
well I dont know if I qualify...salman is Jatt and I am from the Qureshi... but we are both Punjabi so it wasnt that bad at all.. Except his family was little more old fashioned..and that ws fine..
But my best friend/baji is Sindhi and she married Punjabi, and they have a really hard time w/ each other's family. As matter of fact the dad has disowned his son and bahoo.. :( but I think its more cuz this was alove marriage and the dad is a jerk..
Re: marrying outside your ethnicity
.
I’m a Muslim gujrati but speak urdu and from Karachi and about to marry a Punjabi-choudhry guy from Karachi but I’m facing a lot of hatred from his parents although they don’t know me personally(making false assumptions abt my character and stuff to convince him not to marry me). Especially his dad told him that there’s alot of cultural difference between gujratis and punjabis(ignoring religion which is and should be major issue for them), as if there’s some defect in gujratis…I’m really diappointed and dishearted from his family side, they are just too “racist”. I already know they won’t treat me right or give me respect because of their ego. I see too many conflicts from their side in the future but I have no choice other than confront them as I’m really committed to this guy.
why is there so much racism in most punjabi parents?
my personal advice to anyone who is considering marrying a person from other ethnic background is to first know how your parents reaction would be then make that kind of decision. Variety is good but it comes with too many conflicts, believe me!
Im not married but can tell you about my parents.
My mom is pathan and dad is not. Both are equally proud of their backgrounds. When my mom got married, certain members of dads family made fun of her because she is pathan. Some wont let go of certain stereotypes, and I feel sad when I hear this. sigh May Allah forgive them and make us all more appreciative of our differences, ameen.
Alhumdulillah, parents have successful marriage because they didnt allow what others said to get in the way of their marriage. smile
marrying outside the family is a big :nono: in my family :).. but there have been few exceptions ofcourse.. as far as i know..there were some stereotyping etc but nothing major.
i find it facinating when the couples r from two different countries..like japan n pakistan etc.
I will be marrying outside of my ethnicity.
Chaltahai :k: I like your points. If you look at it, being with someone who is from a different background, you will definately learn about new things and expanding your horizons. On the flip side, there could be issues and problems with family members & raising kids.
My fiancee is Pashtun and I am Rajput.
Raju-
u’re getting maried?!? congrats! 
thanks for the replies everyone, all of them were very useful input…
really appreciate it 
and for those of you who are about to get married soon…CA and RF, mubarakaan Allah jorian salamat rakhay
In my family i have seen so many marriages..we have people who have bengali background, punjabi background, pashto background and kashmiri background..but most of them live in karachi..and they all speak urdu so its all well blended :)
In my parents case, my mom faced some trouble in the beginning of marriage..but not from immediate family but from far off relatives..they would say that kia pakistan may larkiyan kum par gai theen to my dadi..they would use hard core urdu so that my mom doesn't understand what they are talking about. But mom adjusted well alhumdullilah :)
And i am also now happily nikahfied to an indian muslim :)....and since religion is common for us both..we have lot of similarities Alhumdullilah :)
Sorry to hear that. Punjabis tend to be very ethnocentric and caste oriented. I’ve heard numerous times the phrase “Pehla Punjabi phir musalman” Just make sure ur guy can stand up for u and things will work itself out. I know b/c I’m a punjabi jatt and chaudhry, and I’m engaged to a gujurati Be strong Good luck
Thankss Your soo sweet Spring 2003 Wedding.
Irem: Bohut Bohut Shukriya A great topic btw.
well irem baji...in ma family they tend to do the rishtaz in da family...cuz ma mom n dad r cousins..but i don't really like the idea....but now it doesn't really matter cuz ma chachoo phupho and cousin have gotten married outside of the family...
even though the guy ma phupho got married wid wuz punjabi...but she had sum problems because he wuz a jerk n wuld beat her up n her kids too..but now he's fine i guess....
lekin ma both mamooz got married in pathans..so i think ma mamiz had sum problems in da beginning bcuz first of all tou it wuz love marriages...but now they're okay cuz they can speak punjabi fluently n pushto too...
wese im not sure but i don't think ma parents wuld have a problem wid me gettin married outside of da family..cuz in ma family it's only 2 cousins who r older den me...but u kno parents..how they're alwayz scared ke agar family se baahir karain tou pata nahi larka kesa hoga, susraal walay kese hon ge...so dat's juz da prob..other den dat they don't really care
hum interesting topic :) Irem I like the idea as Chaltahai FOR OTHERS:)said but it is sometimes scary as well. like if i had choice in a Pakistani and any other --- I would deffinetely go for Pakistani. Because Shadi already is an adjustment and when you need to make adjustments into adjustments , it becomes more and more complicated. so, I am scared I know a couple married for like 20 years ----American wife and Indian Muslim hubby and they are going along pretty well like a "Misali jori" but who knows how much that woman mold herself and how she got adjusted in a simple indian Muslim "joint" family. (by the way she is totaly a desi ghareloo Aurat now cooks, cleans, have kids, and works as well ) :) the couple arranged marriages of his sisters and brothers like any desi bhai bhabhi....etc . I am still unable to convince myself to get married to an Arab, or even indian Muslim :( western or American tu door ki baat tehree.