Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

Lifestyle Relationships
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So I wanted to share my rishta story with you in hopes of getting some advice. I have a proposal from a guy who was born and raised in the US, large business background, family lives in New Delhi, India and he frequently visits as well. He went to HS there also and spent some years of his childhood there as well. I was born and raised in the US as well, although my background is Pakistani. The Indian/Pakistani thing doesn’t bother me or my family. We’ve been talking for about 2 months now, the families are involved as well, and so far he appears to be a really nice guy and someone that I can see spending the rest of my life with. The thing is, everyone from my extended family who knows about the rishta keeps telling me “beware of those Delhi walay” (not to offend anyone here who is from there), I keep ignoring what they’re saying but now my mom is getting a bit wary of the “Delhi walay” thing too. I know it’s not right to stereotype people, but i’m getting a bit worried now because this is the rest of my life we’re talking about.

There are a few things i’ve noticed about this guy and his family also: mom seems to be head of the household, the main decision maker (my aunts saying this is a Delhi thing), guy is very VERY attached to his sister (she’s a year younger than I, unmarried, and seems really..chalak), mom brags a lot about her financial well being (guy has never acted that way), and guy has told me he would prefer if I didn’t work after marriage. Now all these things by themselves are not dealbreakers for me, but..should I be more worried about this stuff?

And should I be worried about this Delhi walay stuff I keep hearing? (I am really sorry again if anyone on here is from Delhi, I really don’t mean to be offensive). Is there a difference between Indian and Pakistani men, if they were raised in the US?

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Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

What is his reason for him not wanting you to work? Are you okay with these things you've noticed? It may seem small but you should try and picture what their day to day lifestyle is like compared to your family's. in theory it's fine but to live in it something different. Not to like scare you but I think you should take some more time talking. I have no idea about the Delhi walay thing.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

lol @ Delhi waale! :D are you seriously worried or it's just because you have been fed negative thoughts by your extended family?

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Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

Everything you just described will be the same in any rishta hunt regardless if the family is Delhi wallay, punjabi, Hyderabadi etc....

You should be more concerned with making sure you agree with the lifestyle choices and that you are totally comfortable with his families expectations.

My sisters inlaws are Delhi wallay and they are lovely people :D

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

Indians are lovely people. Indian muslims--- Delhi/UP/Hydrebadi are especially nice. Lol- do you know that Pakistani people are told to be wary about. For your case, it's the opposite. I say go for it. Saas and nand probs may exist in any situation, Indian or Pakistani.

I think if the guy is raised in the US, there wont be so much of difference between him and a Pakistani raised American..

Dont forget that about 2 plus generations ago, we Pakistanis were actually Indians.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

I am married into a dehli wala family and my dad is from there too so I am half dehli wala. Yes, people do talk about those stereo types, but it depends upon the individual family.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

ONCE YOU MAKE DECISION TRUST ALLAH...inshaAllah you will have good..btw if there are 10 problem with other people at the beginning there might be 100 problems for them with us...ignore all thing..if you are ok with guy...go ahead...these are usual things and i guess every girl of this is era is challak....we all are sharp in our own way...thats why dealing life...!!

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

Delhi walay...as far as I've heard are very fun and nice people. Part of my mom's family is from Delhi and they're wonderful...they love good food and good company.

Also, someone already said...at one point we were all Indians.

My sister married into an Indian Muslim family - not from Delhi - she's really happy Mashallah.

These stereotypes mean nothing.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

No, the dehli wale thing doesnt even make any sense. The other issues like mom's asserting and shallow behaviour and the boy's undue attachment with his sister (if it seems extra ordinary to you) is something that would worry me. So, like in any such consequences one should prudently do, may be you would like to take some more time and read the boy and his family more, since in your own words, its your future your talking about.
do not in anyway fall prey to such silly and negative thoughts like dehli wala or faisal adab wala. good and bad people exist anywhere. its really unethical to tag and judge people this way.
btw, from what I have heard of dehli wale is that thy are more refined and have more mastery over manners and language and ettiquets.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

these days, women want a 'bed of roses' in a marriage. well, you have to marry and do all you can to make your marriage a 'bed of roses'. men are not exempt, they are equal partners in making that 'bed of roses'...he has to go out and bring those roses and help you decorate it. :)

shaadii se pahle hii 'phooloN kii sej' banii banaayii, sajii sajaaii aur saNwrii saNwraaii nahiiN milaa kartii...is sej ke liye meHnat darkaar hai...miyaaN biwii donoN mil kar is sej ko banaate haiN, sajaate haiN, saNwaarte haiN. :)

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

ignore ur relatives, cuz they didnt offer any better alternative either. as for stereotyping, you will find similar traits among punjabis or anyother ethnicity.

besides, not that you belong to family of angels who deserves everything perfect :p

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

I've heard about 'Dilli wali girlfriend' but not so sure about 'Delhi walay'

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family


lol...kabhii DRDW sunaa hai?

DRDW = Dil Rubaa Dilli Waali :D

ek bollywood meN is naam se filam bannii chaahiye jise DWDLJ [Dil Waale Dulhaniyaa Le JaayeNge] kii taraH ise bhii DRDW ke naam se yaad kiyaa jaaye. :p

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

have you done ISTIKHARA (proper one that u do yourself as taught by Prophet)??????? that is the answer n solution to your confusion

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

Get to know a person. If he is good then go for it. Secondly no family is perfect. If you think he is the right person i say go for it.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

I don't know much about "dehli wala" behavior or whatever, but then you are stereotyping aren't you? Not all people from a community behave the same way. Not even everyone in a family does, so when one paints an entire community like that, it just shows intolerance.

As for your specific scenario, you already seem to have doubts that your prospective mother in law is going to be the dominating type, and your nand is the chalaak type. I would take those issues more seriously then the community they are from. The dominating MIL and the chalaak nand are a very popular combo on life1. Ask nadz for advise whether you should pursue such an avenue where you will have those complications to tend to. And as always, may the odds be ever in your favor.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

^I agree with partyslims.

What you should be giving serious thought to is whether or not you would be able to get on with a dominating mother-in-law and a chalaak sister-in-law rather than the community they're from. I think the most important issue to consider is whether or not you're compatible with the family (and the gentleman, of course) and whether or not you'll be able to get on with them. The other major issue you should consider is whether or not you will be comfortable not working after marriage (as I believe you mentioned he doesn't want you to work after marriage). Cultural differences can usually be managed.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

agree with khalil...100%.... marriage is about compromise, respect, and patience in good and bad times.

I am married in an Indian muslim family(by my choice) and that too from south india. North indian are generally much similar to pakistanis than south indians. There will always be few things here and there that may not seem 100% ideal but if pros outweigh cons then they can be ignored.

There is no such thing as dehli wale, that is just family thing, there are aunty type of MILS who would like to show off material well being and all, tu as long as she is not comparing your family and her directly tu there is no harm in her yapping about it. My MIL is like that too :)

Indian I find generally are a bit different, they are more open minded, and depends on family, more cultured in some ways(I am waiting for stones to be thrown at me from guppans) most of the indian muslim families I know from north or south are livable, less show offy than pakistanis and civilized.

The only thing concerning for me would be why he doesnt want you to work afterwards, do you want to?? wagerah..

One important thing to remember is that if you end up getting married to this guy you should try to strengthen your relationship with him(primary) and his family(secondary) and not be bothered by he has a strong relationship with his sister etc. Also guys who have seen there mothers as head of household dont mind (in most cases) their own wife as a decision maker in their immediate family in future. But this MIL looking like agge agge and head of everything could be a facade too, my FIL does this with my MIL, and my MIL end up being the bad one during negative situations, lakin behind the scene it is all my FIL who puppets everyone around LOLZZZZZ :):)

Also being attached to ones family could be a good sign, it mean he really take his relationships seriously and take care of them, might work in your favor. I have seen guys here in north america who are not very close to their biological families and they end up having the same attitude towards wife after shadi, just my observation.

good luck...BTW to clarify my background I was raised in canada, and my hubby moved here after high school, his parents and most of his family still lives in india and they visit frequently.

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Re: Marrying into an Indian Muslim Family

Delhi or not, an Indian family or any other than a Pakistani family would be a no for me as long as i can help it. Its a personal preference and doesn't mean i have any disrespect for others but just comfortable with extending my family within my own people.

so basically its about your own comfort level, how good ur at adapting, etc.