wtf are you saying so what if this never happened and lets say the girl turns 19 and her mom brings a rishta of a 28 year old boy and she agrees then wtf man whats wrong then? I mean most of you girls on Gupshup got arranged marriage like that. I mean you guys really think her parents told her now who will she get married to? Hell no! they'll tell her when she's 18 or 19 then why would she object? I mean girls dont fall in love that easily in Pakistan! Especially if she's from a conservative family.
Pendu, calm down......and think about this a bit. It's not hard to fall in "love". It's not hard for a girl........YES EVEN THE ONES IN PAKISTAN.....to develop a crush for some classmate in school......or some cousin........or some guy in the neighborhood........or some guy who is the sibling of a dear friend. I KNOW that girls in Pakistan can develop feelings for guys similar to desi girls living outside the US.
IF.........IF.........this girl grows up to have no objection to marrying a 28-year-old....then there's nothing wrong with this. BUT......it will become problematic if the girl does not develop feelings for him. It's not impossible for her to like someone else. It's not impossible for her to simply find your molvi friend unattractive or even incompatible.
You said, "I mean you guys really think her parents told her now who will she get married to?" There's a problem with such a mentality, Pendu. And I hope that you do not support such views. Kids don't like being tricked. I'm telling you this as a teacher. Adults are supposed to model decent behavior for children.....and provide them with choices. I'll give you an example besides the marriage example. Let's say that a boy is 11-years-old. From a young age, he has a passion for building things. He dreams of being an architect one day. But his parents.....without asking him.....decide that he will run the family store in the future. And they decide to spring this news on him a few years down the road. And his heart is not into it......but he decides to join the business due to family pressure.
I know the case of a guy who never had an interest in medicine. He wanted to pursue another field. BUT his father pressured him to become a doctor.....and so he became one. BUT.......as a result his relationship with his father is not the best.
If parents want to spring surprises on children........they can try a surprise birthday party or something. BUT IT'S WRONG to spring a surprise rishta on a child. It is messed up on so many levels to tell your kid........"Hey by the way....you may not remember, but we got you engaged at 11 to a 20-year-old. Ha ha...you probably thought it was some party. But in reality it was an engagement. And now you'll be marrying the guy." That's playing dirty. Such parents are the kind who give their kids little choice in matters. They think that they know best about everything. They think that just because they feed and clothe and educate and pay for their kids' expenses.........that they also have the right to decide who the kid will marry.
You say that many girls have had arranged marriages. But.....Pendu....that's a weak argument on your part. Many girls on GS....were introduced to rishta candidates. They had the time to get to know the suitor.......before saying yes or no to the rishta. And if they liked the rishta.......the GIRL agrees to an engagement. In the whole process.......CHOICE was given. But in your molvi friend's scenario..........choice was NOT given. That is the difference. Your friend's marriage is ARRANGED in the LITERAL SENSE. Actually it's more like a forced marriage......especially if she's pressured to marry him in the future.
You know what this whole situation makes me think of? It makes me think of a person who is tricked into signing important documents that he doesn't even fully understand. Trust me.........few 11-year-olds (and I've taught them) have an understanding of engagements. It's like her parents have signed her into a deal she doesn't even fully understand yet and has little choice about.
You seem to place all your hopes on this girl accepting the rishta as she grows older. BUT........there's always the chance she might not. The thing that you FAIL to understand is that it's silly to get her engaged at 11. The parents always had the option of presenting your molvi friend's rishta to her when she turns 19. At 19 she'll be more sensible to understand the concept of marriage.....and that would have been a more suitable time to discuss an "engagement".
Why couldn't your molvi friend have waited for the girl to turn 19 to get engaged? He would have been 28, which is NOT an old age for a guy to get married? Why did he have no problems putting an 11-year-old girl (who probably still plays with barbies) through an engagement. WHY DIDN'T YOUR MOLVE FRIEND TELL THE GIRL'S PARENTS THAT HE WOULD MUCH RATER PREFER TO DO THE ENGAGEMENT WHEN SHE TURNS 19 AND HAS A GREATER UNDERSTANDING OF MARRIAGE? WHY DIDN'T YOUR MOLVI FRIEND CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS LITTLE GIRL/CHILD MIGHT NOT EVEN LIKE HIM IN THE
FUTURE??????????????????
Why didn't your molvi friend consider all these things? You know what I think? I wouldn't be surprised if your molvi friend believes that women don't deserve a choice in who they marry. I wouldn't be surprised if your molvi friend would marry his OWN daughter in the future without seeking her permission.
Your molve friend was probably given the choice to marry this girl because he has a better understanding of marriage at 20.........but that naive 11-year-old girl was not given a choice. And this is where it becomes unfair. And if your friend can't see this...........then I'd be wary of his views about women.