The OP was upset.....and it's possible that in that state, she used the wrong choice of words...and made a generalization. If you read the whole post.....the issue isn't even about nationality. It's predominantly about the concerns she has about her partner.
Regretful, what does your dad think about this guy? If you've tried to reason with him without attacking his family.....and he's only getting worse....then may you need to consider/discuss with your family the possibility of ending things with him. Talk to your parents...perhaps they may even have to talk to him and his mom....and see if the situation improves.
The OP was upset.....and it's possible that in that state, she used the wrong choice of words...and made a generalization. If you read the whole post.....the issue isn't even about nationality. It's predominantly about the concerns she has about her partner.
Regretful, what does your dad think about this guy? If you've tried to reason with him without attacking his family.....and he's only getting worse....then may you need to consider/discuss with your family the possibility of ending things with him. Talk to your parents...perhaps they may even have to talk to him and his mom....and see if the situation improves.
all my dad said is that there is a chance that he may change when he comes here. my dad also said that the decision is mine. if i want to end things, he will support me. he knows everything and i think whatever reha said is how he feels about the entire situation. my dad would talk to them if i asked but i know that last time when he had tried talking to his mom, she was really nice to him and listened and all but when she talked to me she started taunting me and became rude. when my dad's constant calling his mom trying to sort things out worked, he called my dad and told him that he had fixed everything. my dad tells me that he felt like telling my husband that if my husband had really wanted to 'fix' things, he wouldn't have let them get this bad in the first place. my dad stayed quiet though for the fear of them getting angry again and refusing to give me my bags back. even though he has never been rude to my parents and always listens quietly to them, he still does what his mom says. because of this reason, my parents don't even call him or talk to him anymore.
-i called him once and he verbally abused me. he said that his mom wanted us to separate. his mom had told him that he was better off marrying his mamoo's daughter.
-when i spoke to his mom she told me that he would not support me unless she told him to. his mom told me that she made decisions for him and that his promises meant nothing. my return flight to karachi was from karachi and my two bags were still in their house so i asked her if it was ok with her if i spent my last day at their house and left from there. she said k daikhain gay and hung up.
Do you really want to live your life with this?
You say it was a love marriage, did you really have no inkling that things would be like this...at all?!?!!
my dad has told me that if i want a divorce, he would support me. but it hasn't even been two months since our wedding, and i feel that maybe i should try to do everything to save our marriage. maybe he would be the same old charming man when he comes here away from his family? i really need to know how to handle this situation, considering how the man i married is a typical pakistani male ...
Honey....do what your dad says. You have his support, TAKE IT. I don't see things getting any better, only YOU making adjustments and sacrificing and compromising and fooling yourself into thinking you're "happy."
Yes you should do everything you can to make a marriage work but when one party is clearly being manipulative and emotionally abusive, its not a marriage worth keeping.
I think you should give it a chance till you husband comes to Canada and starts living with you. When you two live without his family nearby, may be he gets a bit attached to you and then he also does his part in saving this marriage. Of course you will have to show a lot of patience and try to be a nice daughter to his mom. When he and his mom will see your behaviour towards them, hopefully, they will start to take you seriously and consider you as a family member. Its not always easy that we change people's attitude with our good behaviour and nature but at least we can try.
Going for divorce without giving it a try may have you feeling regretful for the whole of your life and you may think in the future that you could give your husband one last chance.
I think you should give it a chance till you husband comes to Canada and starts living with you. When you two live without his family nearby, may be he gets a bit attached to you and then he also does his part in saving this marriage. Of course you will have to show a lot of patience and try to be a nice daughter to his mom. When he and his mom will see your behaviour towards them, hopefully, they will start to take you seriously and consider you as a family member. Its not always easy that we change people's attitude with our good behaviour and nature but at least we can try.
**
Going for divorce without giving it a try may have you feeling regretful for the whole of your life and you may think in the future that you could give your husband one last chance**.
worst advice ever.
instead of regretting she broke up, she could also feel regretful her whole life that she didn't get out when she had the chance. Its far easier to get out now than after the entire immigration process or ur living together, have kids etc.
im sorry but if a woman (the mother) acts this way literally the next day after her son's wedding, she doesn't deserve kindness or respect.
First of all regretful why are you constantly abusing Pakistani Men in your post. If he is a Mama’s boy it does not mean that every Pakistani man is Mama’s boy. I have seen hundreds and thousands of husbands who support their wives in think and thin and stand besides her every time she is in trouble. Please don’t generalize your husband with Pakistani man.
Now come to the point, i can’t understand why you stay at his house before Rukhsati? :khums:
Ok if you stayed at his place because you people don’t have any proper Rukhsati plans and the marriage was sort of Rukhsati then why didn’t he arrange a room for you for your few weeks stay.
Before marriage didn’t you ever discuss his family situation with him. Did he tell you that he does not have his own room. If you knew this why did you stay at his house. You should have said that you would be more comfortable with your parents as he has no proper room for you.
Ok.. sorry my reply is as messed up as your story is
instead of regretting she broke up, she could also feel regretful her whole life that she didn't get out when she had the chance. Its far easier to get out now than after the entire immigration process or ur living together, have kids etc.
im sorry but if a woman (the mother) acts this way literally the next day after her son's wedding, she doesn't deserve kindness or respect.
May be she can just ask her husband to visit Canada on visit without immigration so that they both can discuss without any interference of his family. Of course she will still have the choice of divorce but I think her dad also wants her to give it a try. She should not go for kids now of course. Its just that guys thinking is influenced a lot when he is near his family so may be the two of them need some time alone. Just my two cents. Only Allah knows what is best for her.
i am sorry but i will be really straight forward. as much as i know about people, and as much as my experiance goes. i don't see things getting any better. the only reason you are reasoning out his behavior and hopping for things to get better is because you love him, but according to all that u have mentioned here i don't think this marriage is going to work out at all. that guy has no back bone, i am sorry to say, i don't even think he have any feelings or charm for you. someone who have no respect for you, curses at you, swears at you let his mom do the same with you, that guy isnt' worth it. you are going to file for him to come here, wait all that long, then he will come here, the entire thing of abusing you mentally will go on again, and then you will decide to divorce him??? i think you need to stop thinking from the heart and use your brain.
i am not at all in favor of divorce, but i do believe that there is a reason why ALLAHTALA allowed it, even thought it is least likable thing of ALLAHTALA out of all the things he has made halal for us, but still there is a reason why it's halaal. do istakhara, pray to ALLAHTALA to help you make right decision. but don't let love fool you. please.
I really don’t understand why do such guys marry of their own will and choice Such guys should marry only according to their moms and sis wishes although there is still no guarantee that their marriage will work. Poor guys
Can we let the OP off the hook for mentioning "Pakistani men"...clearly she is emotionally disturbed, so it will be nice to help her with the actual problem.
Can we let the OP off the hook for mentioning "Pakistani men"...clearly she is emotionally disturbed, so it will be nice to help her with the actual problem.
exactly, they guy is pakistani, and he is a "men" (i suppose) i am sure if he was Vietnamese, she would have said, "marrying a Vietnamese men"
they are like babies, they want their favorite toy, but have no clue how to take care of it.
Then why did his mom agreed to this proposal in the first place? Clearly she wanted to marry her son to her niece. If the guy made her agree to this marriage, he should have enough guts to save this marriage also.
The mom and sis are being possessive for their son and bro as he is the only son with 5 sisters and the mom is widow. She has her own insecurities. Besides, the girl is Canadian and we all know how desi moms think. The girl knew his family situation before marriage and should have known what kind of situation she is putting herself into. I really feel sorry for her. Its called qismat. Whatever is written in your qismat you have to endure.
Then why did his mom agreed to this proposal in the first place? Clearly she wanted to marry her son to her niece. If the guy made her agree to this marriage, he should have enough guts to save this marriage also.
just to make a point to him, that see we got her married according to you choice, but see how she turns out, now listen to me as i always told you and get married to ur cousin, you will live happily ever after.
Then why did his mom agreed to this proposal in the first place? Clearly she wanted to marry her son to her niece. If the guy made her agree to this marriage, he should have enough guts to save this marriage also.
The mom and sis are being possessive for their son and bro as he is the only son with 5 sisters and the mom is widow. She has her own insecurities. The girl knew this before marriage and should have know what kind of situation she is putting herself into.
To me it seems like guy and his family are Lalchi people. They were expecting more from her family like house, car and etc. They why they are disappointed now. But lalchi people never change. If her family gave them house, car and other facilities they would behave in the same way and expect more from them.
Such guys should marry only according to their moms and sis wishes although there is still no guarantee that their marriage will work. Poor guys 