Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
Not really..desi guys become worse husbands when they are the only son/child of their moms or when they have controlling moms!
Look....they can become worst even when they have sisters/brothers and a Not-controlling mom......... stop living in these illusions.......
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
Look....they can become worst even when they have sisters/brothers and a Not-controlling mom......... stop living in these illusions.......
But brothers/sisters would get married too one day & would get busy with their own lives, but it's a big trouble when the guy is a mama's boy!
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
but it's a big trouble when the guy is a mama's boy!
chances of finding a desi guy who is NOT a mama's boy are really very very rare........even if u find one.....he will have lots of other issues that wouldn't sit well with you........ like having sexist nature, and thinking of wife as property and all that jazz........
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
Not really..desi guys become worse husbands when they are the only son/child of their moms or when they have controlling moms!
In that case, stay away from them.. imagine how much dangerous they would be if they have few more ( brothers and sisters to control their minds)....
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man …
Grrrrrrrrrrr! I believe nothing can be worse about a guy than a controlling mom 
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
Grrrrrrrrrrr! I believe nothing can be worse about a guy than a controlling mom
Just have a look around the forum.....search 'abusive husband'..i am sure you will find lots of examples of that........so believe me.....even without a MOM to control.......things can get pretty ugly.
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
once again I would like to say no one can give you the ryte advice,...only you know your circumstances 100%... only you know what your gut instinct is telling you... based on my personal experience i suggest you go the path your intuition is telling you to go with... in my experience a womans intuition is never wrong ...take whatever advice you receive with a grain of salt...evaluate it against your situation and take whatever advice you think is sound in light of your circumstances.
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
I assume in the end you and your hubby will be living in Canada? not in the house with his mother.?
Let your husband calm down and come back to Canada and let his mothers influence die down a little bit and then talk to him rationally....and ask him if he really wants to stay married to you or not....if he loves you he will....i believe that all marriages deserve a second chance.....this was a bad experience for you i expect that...but every day will not be like this...you will be in Canada and your MIL in Pakistan....
iA there will be a point where you will be living here and you go back for 4 weeks in total every year....or maybe less....
You say you love him....so give him another chance
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
^ I agree with that!
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
Your parents might have acted in the best interest of the boy and his family but i am sorry to say the events later didn't back this up, everyone have their ego ( wrong or right is another debate) and no one is going to admit that you people had this Nikaah in Karachi only to make things easier for the boy side... they can and i am sure they'll make a counter argument that, their son lives/worked in UK and they can easily afford to make a trip to ISB if they wanted.. but ur family stormed in and they have to give in...
So the fact that the parents did what they felt was convenient for everyone involved (the guys family doesn't have to travel and their entire family can attend, while they can afford to have the nikkah in KHI) was wrong of them?
cmon the MIL sits her down 4 days after the nikkah to complain about money and you're saying the guys family should have spent the money to travel anyways? I bet you if the nikkah had taken place in ISL, there would have been complaints that they made them spend soooooo much money, and their relatives couldn't even attend.
To me, the best bet could have been to be friend with her other sisters, you could have talked, told stories about your life in Canada or just have asked them questions which have 100 line answers... but nothing of that sort happened, and the feedback your husband got from his sisters and mothers about you is that you do not care for them and you are arrogant and God knows what else...
And I guarantee that if she was mingling with the sisters, they would have thought she was being too "free" and anything she said and did would later be used against her.
Let me get this straight, in order to win him over, the girls father should be financing his son-in-law's sister's wedding?!
First of all, just because they are in Canada doesn't mean they're made of money that they can do that! and if you have to go through so much expense and tension to win a person over hten that person isn't even worth it!
Also I guarantee that none of this would make any difference.
And also, what kind of beigharat laug would even accept that someone else aside from their family member is paying for their wedding!
Frankly, there is no point in saying "you should have done this or that" because there are people who no matter what you do or say, they will find ways to make life miserable for you.....it comes down to character and these ppl don't seem to have any good character at all.
This woman is not being fair to her own son either! at least he's trying to think about his future, but thsi stupid woman spent it all on a gold set when she knew she has a home to run. Having a son doesn't mean you get an automatic ticket to heaven that you can go around abusing ppl and making life hell for everyone else!
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man …
:hinna: unfortunately that’s the nature of some people (NOT just In-laws/desi/women/etc) they can never be satisfied…no matter what.
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
omg..............finance the divorced SIL's wedding????????????????????????????????????????????
if someone expected my father to do that they would look like money hungry wolves to me...
agar rishwat deni paregi shaadi to qayam rakhne ke liye to faida kya?
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
Hanibal, you're basically saying that the girl's family paying for the Nikah in Karachi probably hurt the ego of the guy's mom and sisters. You say that his family could argue that he has worked in the UK and can handle the wedding expense. You used the words "stormed in" for the girl and her family.....as if their desire to pay for the wedding and make things easier "lowers" the groom's family.
Then let me ask you this..........by the SAME reasoning that you've put forth..........wouldn't it also be "embarrassing" for the guy and his family to have the girl's father finance his sister's wedding? Couldn't that also be like a blow to their ego? Couldn't the guy argue that "Yeh meri behn hai...us ki shadi ka kharcha main khud utha satka hoon"?
You've made a contradiction. Moreover, people pay for the wedding of their children...but to finance it for their in-laws......to even make that assumption so easily is preposterous. Who does that so easily and willingly? Not many people. Living and working abroad whether it's the UK or Canada doesn't automatically mean that a person is made out of money. Apnay bacho k liye karna is one thing....kisi aur k liye.....not that easy.
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
You know whose fault this is? You and your family. Him and his family.
I can't even comment on this cluster**** of a marriage but yeah, you should have used some common sense before the marriage and walked away if that is how everything went down. There's plenty of good men in this world. You're just looking for a scapegoat because you went all goo-goo-ga-ga and a Pakistani man you didn't bother looking at from more pragmatic POV seems like a pretty good one. Sure they are messed up but so are you lot.
Best solution to manage this would be walk away and use your senses next time. I wouldn't deal with this ****.
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man …
Thank you for saying that :k:
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
So basically your happiness with him depends on whether you accept his hypocrtical nature, the realization that you'll have to work hard (may be all your life) to keep him away from the influence of his manipulative mother, and that your in-laws are greedy people. If you think you can deal with all this for the sake of your love for him than go ahead, but if you have the tiniest bit of doubt - don't. It's better to cry a little now than for the rest of your life.
Also I don't think staying with them as a guest was a mistake, but a blessing in disguise. It would have been harder to get out of the relationship or even think about it, after rukhsati (as par our traditions).
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
regretful .. all girlz gotta take some sh!t after marraige .. all .. doesnt amtter where they marry ..
what he said that u should not mentino his family n keep it inside .. that is rite bcs family is very senstive topic in pak with guyz .. they live adn die for thier family ok .. that is the way they r raised .. n would u like it if the guy ur got married to kept bashign ur family ? .. i know i wouldnt n it owuld piss ome off ..
ur mom is rite .. dont 'yap ayp' too much ok .. thatll cause resnetment and bitterness .. fihgts that could have been avoided ..
i think the situation will be better once he comes to ur country .. u have gota compromise too .. everyting cant be the way u want it all the time ok ..
n y r u so worriee bout them now ? .. the time u had to spend with them is gone .. even he said himself that if i had known things woul be like this i woul not have wantred u to come to pak ..
u gota act smart n mature now with this relationship not like little kid who is always cmplaining .. let some stuff go .. ntihin is perfect .. soemtimes stuff happens n it gets better when u learn to not talk too much ..
u dont always have to vocalize ur complains of his family wiht him .. thts not smart adn not necessary n it will do nothing for u ecept make things owrse ..
im not saying anything is ur fult m just sayin that u have to be smart aobut things .. u dont understadn these things cause ur not used to politics stuff cause u live in canda .. but now ur gettin married so u gota knwo this stuff now ..
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man ...
OP, I think you should get out of this marriage now. It seems to me that if he can sit back and watch his family treat you the way they did and not do anything about it so early in the marriage he will NEVER stick up for you and you will always be taking a backseat to his family (not that there's anything wrong with him sticking up for his family but it's not justified if they are treating you badly). I know you may be feeling hesitant about the idea of divorce but you are lucky in that your ruksathi never happened so I guess it's a blessing in disguise. You were miserable the entire time you were staying with them- this isn't about a few weeks or months it's your ENTIRE lifetime and even if they are in Pakistan and you are in Canada, they will STILL impact your life and he will go running everytime his mother clicks her fingers without giving you a second thought. Please don't live with the misguided impression that he will change because he WON'T.
My friend recently got married and went to Pak for her walima- it was a love marriage and she had never before met her husband's family (in Karachi), yet they were so nice and accomodating towards her so that she didn't even for one second feel awkward or uncomfortable- she was so happy there in fact that she didn't even go to Lahore to visit her other extended family, despite their insistence! If he and his family truly loved you and respected you they would have made you feel welcome or at the very least treated you right which they haven't.
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man …
You’re very confused despite me repeating it a number of times, no offense.
Nikkah- A couple are HUSBAND AND WIFE
IRRESPECTIVE of rukhasti NOONE has the right to tell a **HUSBAND and WIFE **to **not **spend time with each other.
Very straight forward :halo:
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man …
What else is new? 
FYI: Even those who may not have their moms around, are mama’s boys for some women. 