Gina
April 22, 2011, 11:10am
92
Re: Marrying a Pakistani man …
thank you chipotle and yanzala and everyone else. i am definitely asking my parents for advice but this is a sensitive matter that i cannot discuss with everyone around me.
i met him through common friends. i had known him for over 2 years before we married. he was in england, and he barely called his mother. the first time he added me in a conference call with his mother, i felt that his mother and i instantly clicked. i always called her after. even on her birthday, he went to watch movies with his friends and i called to wish her on our behalf. it’s after he went to pakistan that he has changed. even in pakistan, he would be giving me tasaliyans outside but as soon as he came home to his mother, his attitude would change. they would have their ‘discussions’ behind closed doors and then he would start to blame me.
my mom called him and spoke to him today. he then called me and spoke to me for a few mins. he told me ‘mujhay pata hai tumharay saath ziyadti hui hai’. he reminded me how things were never like this when he was in england and how things would be better when he would come here. he told me never to speak about his mother and sisters again. ‘sab kuch apnay andar rakho’ he said. he then asked me if i trusted him. i should have stayed quiet but i told him that i did not trust his promises anymore. he became abusive again and after a min i had to hang up.
i am considering divorce. my dad is with me but my mom wants me to give it some time. she wants me to wait for a couple of months. she keeps telling me to avoid talking to him too much. she told me that if he calls, just reply in ‘hmmm’ and then tell him that i am busy and hang up. she thinks that there is still hope but i somehow doubt it.
By giving it more time and replying in ‘hmm’s’ you’re giving them more room to walk-all-over you again.. and treat you the way they have been treating you. Not talking to them or discussing options will make you both grow more distant.. marriage isn’t about keeping everything to yourself if you have concerns, you also have the right to be vocal about them too.