I think there is a communication breakdown here between us (In that you have misunderstood what I am saying) ... I could swear what you are saying does not conflict with what I have said - except the idea of the generalisation and that you don't like it ... you consider yourself an average western desi girl - I gave the caveat to my generalisation which was "unless he is a tycoon" - Since you have said that your hubby speaks English better than most English people then my statement stands correct in a manner of speaking.
Basically I'll say it another way ... T*he only way a Pakistani man comes to the West to marry an average western desi girl is if he is himself exceptional, otherwise an average man coming over would more often than not be finding that his wife to be is less (skilled) than an average girl*. Since you are claiming to be average then I am saying that your hubby must be exceptional compared to other Pakistani men, if he is really good at English then I would consider that exceptional - I used tycoon earlier to denote exceptional traits in finance but really I meant it in any facet of life ... I hope now my words are clearer.
That is not always the case, I have seen girls in my medical school married to men from their village back home in pakistan.
They succumb to their parents pressure, and the marriages dont work out, but the guys do come over and are far far less skilled than these girls who are going to be doctors!
i feel like having a poll question on guys mentality british pakistanis v/s pakistani nationals , in my opinion guys fromhere are far paindos ;( as copmared to guys from "thereeeeeee" what does everybody else say???
I'm not sure psyah - what is a tycoon? "A wealthy and powerful businessperson or industrialist; a magnate."
My husband is far from that. He's not even in business, nor is his father. And to correct you, I said better English that many British Born Pakistani's given that unless they have a good education, their language skills leave a lot to be desired. Educated families and people within Pakistan understand the importance of English, especially if they ever intend to work outside.
Either we are both exceptional or we are both average, otherwise we would find it difficult to gel as a couple. This is what I'm saying. Regardless of where you look for a spouse - UK/US/Pak, it's wise to look within a similar family background, educational background etc.
I get the feeling that your exposure to Pakistani's both here and in Pakistan has been somewhat limited.
Peace stoppit
My point again is fairly clear and straightforward ... I did explain in a previous post that when I stated tycoon I didn't intend to limit it to just tycoons but all people with exceptional traits ... I mean why else would a person choose to go and find a rishta in Pakistan as opposed to their own country of residence if it was not about finding someone particularly worthy?
Of course one states that there is a shortage in the country of residence ... of good Pakistani men. So people go to Pakistan to look and rightly or wrongly people in the West have leverage. That leverage is their western citizenship which is acquired through marriage. My own parents resemble you and your husband, because they are both average and my mum was here before him ... But there was something about my mum and about other girls I have seen in the area I was raised in the UK who have got married to men from Pakistan and that is they have better cultural understanding of being Pakistani they behave likewise, either because they are themselves Pakistani in mindset regardless of living here they are surrounded by Pakistani people, or they may not be Pakistani orientated and quite westernised but still marry in Pakistan because they have found someone exceptional there ... My dad chased my mum because although she lived in the UK she was quite 'seedee saadee' and that appeals to Pakistan born men more than it appeals to western born Pakistani men, because they tend to look at the strategic relationship whilst men from the west tend to look for "can she cook" or "is she attractive" ..
If both of these is not the case with you stoppit then you are the exception ... I feel your case is not typical to the trend.
I have met the paindoo guys who have been born and bought up here but generally their family do not really value education and their parents may not bee too involved with them
I have met fantastic guys who are not paindoo at all, generally from well educated families and good family back grounds.
Yes there are guys like this in pakistan too, both paindoo and great.
Which would i want to marry in order of preference
1) the non paindoo british pakistani
2) the non piandoo pakistani national
3) the paindoo british pakistani
4) the paindoo pakistani national
That is not always the case, I have seen girls in my medical school married to men from their village back home in pakistan.
They succumb to their parents pressure, and the marriages dont work out, but the guys do come over and are far far less skilled than these girls who are going to be doctors!
Some parents are weird, but it happens!
Peace inspiron
Please read post number 42 and you will see that you have agreed with me ...
I have met the paindoo guys who have been born and bought up here but generally their family do not really value education and their parents may not bee too involved with them
I have met fantastic guys who are not paindoo at all, generally from well educated families and good family back grounds.
Yes there are guys like this in pakistan too, both paindoo and great.
Which would i want to marry in order of preference
1) the non paindoo british pakistani
2) the non piandoo pakistani national
3) the paindoo british pakistani
4) the paindoo pakistani national
Agreed and this will create a trend because you are not alone in this
Coming back to the OP ... I believe it is essential that you have a good representative from your family or circle of family friends in the presence of you and your father or your father himself to interview every candidate and look out for certain things, after his religious obligations are evaluated with respect to your own, check these:
a) Is he honourable?
b) Is he truthful?
c) Is he compassionate?
d) Does he have a sense of responsibility?
e) Can he express himself?
Look for these and you will find what is a good suitor ...
Well it's not typical to the trend in that neither of us were "looking". We happened to meet when I was in Pakistan and found what we were looking for in each other. I have lots of first cousins on my father's side, so there are all sorts of cases and situations that have occurred. One thing is common though, all the girls are educated and all the men they have married are educated, whether here or there.
If we want to go into generalisations though, all the husbands who are doctors are from Pakistan. All the British born doctors seem to be too busy with non muslim girls.
Coming back to the OP ... I believe it is essential that you have a good representative from your family or circle of family friends in the presence of you and your father or your father himself to interview every candidate and look out for certain things, after his religious obligations are evaluated with respect to your own, check these:
a) Is he honourable?
b) Is he truthful?
c) Is he compassionate?
d) Does he have a sense of responsibility?
e) Can he express himself?
Look for these and you will find what is a good suitor ...
Agree with this, my dad does this. He is the initial filter and thoroughly interviews all candidates before they lay an eye on me (unless i am meeting someone ive met at uni/at work where i have to use my own filters) so no one who is not suited to me enters the arranged marriage process with me!
