My Devrani started dating my Devar as soon as she entered University. The catch, my Devar was 28. But they stuck through it and they got married as soon as she finished her undergrad and now that she is 26 and he is 35, the age difference doesn’t seem huge.
If you met someone who seems perfect other than his age, disregard the number. If you haven’t met some one but wanted to figure out an age range, just figure out if 3 years make such a huge difference, since you say 30 is perfect. A successful relationship isn’t made by a list of characteristics on a piece of paper or a computer screen, its the compatibility between 2 people and how much they put into the relationship. It requires work regardless of what age you get married and what age he is.
Considering what I was actually asking here, this is one response I really think is worth pondering on:
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**There are however plenty of cases when an older husband starts to feel jealous if his wife talks to ANY younger guy, even if it just social talk.
Just make sure that he isnt possessive, and you can/should ask him to clarify such matters. Good luck.
Yes and no. I agree with the part I highighted in green. You should take time to get to know the guy before signing the nikah papers to make sure he's not a possessive/controlling jerk regardless of his age.
Yeah because every man's dream is to have a 37 years old bride. By then, a person is too rigid in his/her ways and less able to change or compromise which is a must in every marriage. I know what people will say, what about those who are widowed or can't find a good rishat? Well that's different from actually planning to marry in your mid 30s, which is definitely quite late for a woman, unless of course she wants a dog and maybe/probably a kid, otherwise the dog will do. Hey Americans get by this way just fine so why can't you?
Wow! which era are you from? Not every girl can get married at 18 or 20...It's not their fault..circumstances sometimes bring them to a point where they cannot get married until they are in their late 20s or even 30s.. Not every girl strives to become a wife by 21...
I am 28. Not married. Not because I chose not to. I had to support my family and thought of them first before I thought of myself. Ever thought that maybe your sister or daughter can be in this position?
And on the side note, women are having kids well into their 50s now. Welcome to 21st century!!!
OP if you feel attracted to the person, and you feel that you both have compatibility then go for it. Age is but just a number. There are girls who are much more mature for their age. And there are guys who act like they are 18 but are well into their 30s. You guys should discuss what your values are, what you both want from life, short term and long term. And if all the main things you want from life match then say Bismillah and go ahead.
I am glad to know your mom's pregnancy went fine, but did she get married at that age? I doubt it. I was not referring to get getting pregnant alone, but a woman's priorities which first and foremost should be to get married. Oh wait did I just say that? Yes I did. Career has it's place, but not at the price of what comes natural to a woman, which is a family and a husband. The same goes for a man, but he has to make sure he can provide for his wife to be and kids first. Too traditional and backwards thinking? I guess so. What's the alternative? a 60% divorce rate and going to several "partners" before finding the "right" one. Women working and also having to do whatever they would have had to do being house wives. Here we have a 24 years old woman who thinks she is the target of a pedophile because he is 33, when does she think she will be marriage age and not in her infancy?
You know what homesick, I am not going to tell you your views are backward or conservative for the educated advancing society. Because it's not my place to pass judgements on random people. BUT this bold part, you know you disrespect and insult women like me who are older than 24 and are not married. Just because I am not married due to whatever reason (you or no one else don't know jack about what problems me or girls like would have), does NOT mean I go to several partners to find my right one. Also the divorce rate you talk about, do you know that most divorces happen early in relationships AND between young couples. Heck I'll even pull out a number for you from think air. I call 70%!!! See what I just did? I win I win!
Paheli is right.
being a possessive jerk has nothing to do with age…you can find a 28 year old guy that may over-react to an innocent conversation just as well as a 33 year old would or a 45 year old would…
to the OP…there is absolutely nothing wrong with the age difference that you have pointed out.
is this someone that you have been introduced to or someone that you have met yourself?
You know what homesick, I am not going to tell you your views are backward or conservative for the educated advancing society. Because it's not my place to pass judgements on random people. BUT this bold part, you know you disrespect and insult women like me who are older than 24 and are not married. Just because I am not married due to whatever reason (you or no one else don't know jack about what problems me or girls like would have), does NOT mean I go to several partners to find my right one. Also the divorce rate you talk about, do you know that most divorces happen early in relationships AND between young couples. Heck I'll even pull out a number for you from think air. I call 70%!!! See what I just did? I win I win!
Hadeel....you don't have to "judge" the person.....you are always welcome to "judge" the viewpoint. :D
In fact.....let me do it for you.....
homesick,
the approach and resultant conclusion that you are proposing is asinine.
while I am always one to support traditions, I don't do it without investigating the alternative.
I don't think that the ideas of one thing coming "naturally" for women and men is wrong but I do think that following a path simply because that's what was done in the past is.
Just because you didn't see the divorce rate high 100 years ago doesn't mean that they were all living happily in their unions either.
Okay, this is in no way equivalent to pedophilia - like one of you suggested, I'm 24 and would marry with my own consent, jeez.
And I come across such aunties every day, who remind me that I'm horribly late for marriage. I was nikah-fied in the past and took khulla two years back (I was very young when it all happened). I took my time to mature down and get ready for another relationship. I don't know about you all, but I'll say Alhamdolilah when I find someone worth spending my life with, regardless of his age.
Considering what I was actually asking here, this is one response I really think is worth pondering on:
**
There are however plenty of cases when an older husband starts to feel jealous if his wife talks to ANY younger guy, even if it just social talk.
Just make sure that he isnt possessive, and you can/should ask him to clarify such matters. Good luck.**
Sorry your thread is getting derailed. Paheli has given good advice. And I agree with queenie that jealousy is more of a personality trait than to do with age. Meet the guy, get to know him, your folks can do the background checks. 24 is not at all late for marriage so tune out the judgemental people. I wish you the best of luck.
My mother was 28/29 when she married my father. In fact, most women in my family (both mom and dad’s side) marry in their late 20’s after they’re fully finished with their education and have worked for at last a year or two.
Here’s one thing that I believe people with your views forget. It’s important for women (ie. future wives/mothers) to have the skill/education necessary to earn a living. There are too many cases (especially in our desi community) where women are forced to stay in a abusive marriages b/c they do not have the skills/education necessary to obtain a decent paying job and support themselves. Plenty of cases where women become widowed and get stuck in a home where they have no choice but to put up with verbal/emotional/physical abuse from in-laws b/c they can not earn money and put a roof/food on the table for themselvse. And many of these abusive situations involve young children.
No one here is saying that women need to forget having a family. There’s nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom (my own mother gave up her career when my 2nd sibling was born). But for the sake of their future children and their own, it’s also important for women to make sure they have the education/skills necessary to support themselves in case their marriage goes sour or their husband dies.
Please stop mixing things up. The OP, who is the 24 year old woman, NEVER even hinted at pedophlia. Another member (ie. PCG) brought it up and as I stated already…there is absolutely no reason to even mention that term in this thread. And I believe several others posters already posted something similar about it.
What makes you think that ALL women who’re not married young go through several “partners”? A major assumption on your part. :nono:
Well, perhaps the divorce rate would be lower if people took the time to wait and marry someone who is compatible…as opposed to getting married in rush simply b/c there’s some magical “age deadline” that’s approaching. Besides, how do you know for a fact that the divorce rate would be lower if women married early?
no, no, no Paheli…you’re missing homesick’s point…
if girls just shut up and marry before they turn the ripe old age of 24 then there wouldn’t be any divorce.
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believe it or not I still know guys that won’t let their wives, who want to work, get a job not because it would compromise the quality of their family life but because the women would “grow a brain” and begin to demand that the marriage be a “partnership”…rather than the one-sided, man is god type of scenario that currently exists…
sorry…now I’m ranting.
and for the record homesick…my mother had me when she was 47.
You know what homesick, I am not going to tell you your views are backward or conservative for the educated advancing society. Because it's not my place to pass judgements on random people. BUT this bold part, you know you disrespect and insult women like me who are older than 24 and are not married. Just because I am not married due to whatever reason (you or no one else don't know jack about what problems me or girls like would have), does NOT mean I go to several partners to find my right one. Also the divorce rate you talk about, do you know that most divorces happen early in relationships AND between young couples. Heck I'll even pull out a number for you from think air. I call 70%!!! See what I just did? I win I win!
Mohabbat Jurm Hai, Jurm Hai Mohabbat
Kehay Ja Rahay Hain, Kiya Ja Rahay Hain....Kuch ka b nahi aur sub kuch kah b gahay!
Mohabbat Jurm Hai, Jurm Hai Mohabbat
Kehay Ja Rahay Hain, Kiya Ja Rahay Hain....Kuch ka b nahi aur sub kuch kah b gahay!
Jee before you start sounding like Ghalib or Dard jee.. Let me make it clear to you that I didn't say those things. homesick mentioned them for himself. I merely stated what HE thought we'll address him as.
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I am glad to know your mom's pregnancy went fine, but did she get married at that age? I doubt it. I was not referring to get getting pregnant alone, but a woman's priorities which first and foremost should be to get married. Oh wait did I just say that? Yes I did. Career has it's place, but not at the price of what comes natural to a woman, which is a family and a husband. The same goes for a man, but he has to make sure he can provide for his wife to be and kids first. Too traditional and backwards thinking? I guess so.
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Divorce rate is higher because the type of women I was referring to (American woman) marry later after going to several partners and finding Mr. Right. And when that Mr. Right does something wrong, these women always have someone else to compare them to. So don't put words into my mouth and say that I said such a thing about any of the sisters on this forum. I might have some harsh things to say, but I won't say anything like that to Muslim sisters. I said that that is the alternative ( notice how is used "that" twice without being grammatically incorrect? Where is my cookie?) Never think that the society is choosing to change the traditional model because it's not; it is something that is forced upon us to break the traditional family structure since stable families don't make good self-indulged working slaves and consumers. Watch "the century of the self" on Youtube and educate yourself as to why women were forced to come out of their homes and work in the first place. It has nothing to do with "progression" but consumerism. After WWII, big companies had advanced enough to mass produce products to the extent that there were not enough buyers; the companies found themselves in a dilemma. What to do with this mass production ability when there were not enough consumers? Increase the number of consumers by 100% by bringing the women out to work so they can earn and put the money back into the system by buying. Guess where they would work? Producing the very same products their cohorts will be consuming, and in effect giving the corporations more workers and consumers all in one shot. In the end, big corporations like individually driven societies pursuing personal interests, and slaving themselves to compete in the consumption of products produced by other slaves working for their sisters corporations. In the meantime, people like some individuals here think that means the society has progressed. "Century of the self" youtube or google video it and see much "progression" women have made sine WWII. You guys might have some valid points, but you have to understand that I am on a rant right now and will ignore everything everyone else has said.
I am glad to know your mom's pregnancy went fine, but did she get married at that age? I doubt it. I was not referring to get getting pregnant alone, but a woman's priorities which first and foremost should be to get married. Oh wait did I just say that? Yes I did. Career has it's place, but not at the price of what comes natural to a woman, which is a family and a husband. The same goes for a man, but he has to make sure he can provide for his wife to be and kids first. Too traditional and backwards thinking? I guess so. What's the alternative? a 60% divorce rate and going to several "partners" before finding the "right" one. Women working and also having to do whatever they would have had to do being house wives. Here we have a 24 years old woman who thinks she is the target of a pedophile because he is 33, when does she think she will be marriage age and not in her infancy?
sorry....maybe I missed it but where in this post did you specify that you were NOT speaking of your Muslim sisters?
9 yr is fine if you feel you get along with him. My mom was 21 when she got married to my dad who was 29. 8 yrs seemed fine then but honestly at age 21, I wouldn't marry a 29 yr old man! BUT at age 24, a 33 yr old may seem ok. It depends on your level of maturity and understanding.If you both have the chemistry, why not? What if you reject him cuz of age and the next guy you get a proposal from, say age 26, just isn't your type? No guarantees there! Of you think u can spend a life with him, then why not! When you're 30 and he is 39, the age difference won't even show :-)
OP - age doesn't matter. What matters is whether you're compatible with the 33 year old. And one 33 year old can differ from another 33 year old. So it is the PERSON that matters, not the age.
homesick - people have already said what I'd like to say so I don't want to repeat. But this:
[QUOTE] Career has it's place, but not at the price of what comes natural to a woman, which is a family and a husband.
[/QUOTE]
Well, how do you know what comes natural to a woman? Every woman is different. I don't see any harm in a woman choosing to not marry, or to not have kids.
Also, what's wrong in having one kid? Or, again, no kid at all? It's a personal preference. You can't judge a woman based on her decision for not wanting a child or a husband.
Please stop mixing things up. The OP, who is the 24 year old woman, NEVER even hinted at pedophlia. Another member (ie. PCG) brought it up and as I stated already…there is absolutely no reason to even mention that term in this thread. And I believe several others posters already posted something similar about it.
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