Marry into family with a lot of Politics

[Paheli00]

Re: Marry into family with a lot of Politics

See my comments in RED.

@browneyed

He lives away from home weekdays but comes home on weekends. - Will he visit his family every weekend AFTER the marriage too? Find out so you’re not surprised later.

I don’t think I have to financially support his parents…his sisters don’t so why should I? I rather support my own who aren’t financially stable either. - What did I say earlier about assuming things? If he expects all finances to be combined, then how will you make sure that YOUR portion of it is not going to his parents? My point here is for you to STOP assuming! Find out DETAILS of how his expects to set-up finances after marriage. Since your parents are not financially stable, find out how he feels about your giving money to YOUR parents (since he’ll be giving money to his).

If we live by ourselves, he’ll have to support us and his parents. I don’t know how that’s going to work? He’ll be splitting this with his other brothers.

• Well, why don’t you ask him how its going to work?! Again, what are you talking about on your “dates”?! Ask him directly if his brothers are splitting the costs. You should know what his salary is before the wedding. Ask him if you choose to stop working once there is a child in the picture, will his income alone support you/child/him AND his parents. Its very easy of him to say “Oh you don’t have to work after marriage if you don’t want to”. But plenty of moms out there work simply b/c they have to (ie. husbands income is not enough to meet all obligations).

@browneyed

Have you accepted that your husband isn’t romantic and are you happy? - Yes. I dated him for a few years before engagement and I accepted the person I came to know in those years. He is not perfect and our marriage is not perfect either. But the good outweighs the bad. The compromises I make are worth it to me. YOU are the only person who can decide what compromises you are willing to make.

I see one big potential red. You wrote his parents are VERY religious and when people go there, its forced on them. Well how will this work if his parents come to live with you guys? How does he plan on dealing with their insistence on practicing religion then? It’s not a big deal if you are visiting their house and the pressure/pretense is temporary…but the situation is totally different if they’re living with you.