so how much of his/her family’s personal problems does your spouse share with you? Are there topics that you kinda know exist in the other person’s family but you don’t discuss for fear of offending your husband/wife or its just too uncomfortable? Are there topics that are outright hidden from you to the point that if husband/wife is talking to mom/dad/sister/brother he/she actually walks out of the room you are in or just calls them from outside the home?
if this exists…do you think its fair? have you done anything abt it?
the reason i say married ppl only is because i want to know how it IS in reality, not how it SHOULD be or how you think it will be when you get married. i’m looking for real experiences. ofcourse if you are unmarreid but have seen this in you parents where your dad doesn’t share with mom, things that he does share with your grandmother, feel free to weigh in.
We don't hide family problems from each other. Hubby may not always talk about it right away, but the intention is never to hide stuff from me. I would be really hurt if he walks out of the room when he calls them.
We are pretty open in discussing family issues with each other (unless of course someone has asked explicitly not to tell spouse). If not details, I at-least know about the existence of problem and If I feel that I can help, I dont hesitate asking details. Similarly, if she thinks that I can help, she tells the details herself.
Additionally, I have pretty good relationship with my in-laws so they sometimes discuss things directly with me on things such as consultation and/or investigation of rishta for my sisters in law or some complication in relationship of my brother or sister in law.
Is it fair to hide? well everyone has their own level of comfort and if one is asking for privacy of his/her family matter, there is nothing wrong in it and other spouse should not make it a issue.
My parents share most things about their families with one another. Occasionally my mom will choose not to share some things with dad because it might offend him or he's not too fond of that particular relative. But generally, they share. And what I love about my dad is that throughout the years, he has provided financial support to my mom's siblings, MA.
I think that if your relationship with your spouse is a healthy one.......where his conversations with his mom/sisters/etc are not hurting your marriage in any way (brainwashing, manipulation, gossip, stirring the pot, etc)....then I don't think it's such a huge deal. Sometimes being involved in every little matter can create a huge mess of things....more drama/grudges/room for misunderstandings, etc. Enjoy the break that you get sometimes....life is complicated enough.
I do not hide anything from her , neither does she.
This is the way it should be . We are all big extended family anyway. Our idea of family is not just husband and wife and two kids.
I don’t always want to know. Helps keep me protected.
The more I know the more there is for me to worry about and be responsible for.
I figure he will bring to my attention those things that I can do something about.
Being snoopy and/or not willing to listen are two different things, apathy does not necessarily mean avoidance of responsibility, it has more to do with a personality type.
I do not hide anything from her , neither does she.
This is the way it should be . We are all big extended family anyway. Our idea of family is not just husband and wife and two kids.
I agree with Mirchi
Being snoopy and/or not willing to listen are two different things, apathy does not necessarily mean avoidance of responsibility, it has more to do with a personality type.
agreed ....the two are distinctly different.
perhaps it would have been better phrased as, "I do not feel left out or offended if he has a private conversation."
mu hubby and i dont hide anything from each other. There are times when he will walk out of the room to talk to his parents, but once the conversation is over he will tell me. We dont believe in hiding things in a marriage. As mirch mentioned above, there isn't his or her family after marriage...its one big family.
Every household, every situation, every family is different. Decide on your own... you should have an idea what needs to be shared and what doesn't. After all you have enough sense to ASK about it here, why not **think **what is worth sharing what isn't?
If you don' know what offends your husband, then maybe, we need to work on knowing and finding more info on that before we discuss sensitive topics with him?
