Yesterday i got a loving lecture from my in-laws on how i should not delay having kids- its not deliberate its just not working and ive recently already lost one pregnancy and my body is still trying to get back to normal.
Even if it was deliberate, it still feels strange- i love them and respect the fact that they are older and in our culture its taken for granted that elders can talk to a married couple again and again about this… but it just pinches cause a miscarriage especially one after a while of trying can be quite emotionally draining.
atleast they started after marriage. My MIL has been asking me to have kids since the day I got engaged. I told my hubby we’ll adopt one on our wedding night and give it to her the next day so she can take care of it while we go on our honeymoon
Manomano, I hope things smooth out for you. It is wrong what they are doing and I am really sorry for the loss of your child. Don’t take it personally, what they are doing, they probably think they are doing the right thing. Take as long as you need to to heal. If you cannot bbe as healthy and as happy as you can be, you may have problems in the long run. Just keep telling yourself that they have your best interest in mind.
I will pray for you. May you have everything you wish for in time
its ok sometimes it hard for others to understand, you take your time love, dont rush into anything I pray Allah fills your life with barakah and makes things easy for you!
Sigh.. I guess they're doing what they think they should do. They may be getting questions from other people and might be getting anxious. I wish they would think of you though.
My first child was born almost 2 and a half years after we were married. We didn't want children immediately... I think that was our decision. You can imagine teh pressure... I was getting questions like "sub theek hai kya, doctor ko dikhana hai?" plus numerous other more subtle hints that I wasn't doing my job.
I found it useful to ask my husband to speak to his parents. We also lived quite far away so the pressure was limited ... and I kept myself very very busy with things I enjoyed....
I'm so sorry about your loss. I had 2 miscarriages myself, I know how sad it is. And to have the in-laws bugging you must make it that much worse. Hang in there and give your mind and soul time to heal.
Its a medical fact that after a miscarriage, even when its very early (6-8 weeks), the mother's body needs at least 3 months to get back to normal. Even better to wait longer than 3 months. If you jump back in too quickly and your body hasnt had the time it needs, you could increase the chances of another miscarriage. Maybe if you explain this to your in-laws they'd back off a bit.
There is a website called earlypath.com that goes into miscarriage and infertility issues, causes, treatments etc...maybe you could find more info there to keep the in-laws quiet.
I wish you the very best of health and healing....and babies when YOU want them!
I say such elders should be locked in closet for a week without any food. Being elder comes with a lot of responsibility and I must say they are all acting quite 'childish' (pun intended). I would even go as far as calling such elders kaafirs. They are basically holding you responsible for not having children whereas in your case it really is an act of God.
Next time they bring the topic up start crying loudly and curse them out.
PS. I may not be a married lady but the rage inside me after reading this has equalled to that of one. :o
i’m not a married lady either…but my prayers r with u
dont worry and try not to let what the elders say get to u…i have a cousin in your boat…and its very difficult for her to cope as well..but don’t worry inshallah everything will be ok…
Manomano, I am really sorry to hear about your loss. Everyone has given you really good advice and words of comfort so all I can say is, Hang in there and dont let these words get to you.
Although I was wondering how do people deal with their own parents wanting to know when they can be grandparents? It might be easier to wart of other rishtaydaars but what about your own parents when you arent that frank with them anyways? How to tell them they gotta wait for a few y ears or so?
Hi Mano. Feel very sorry to hear about ur loss Insh’Allah you will recover soon :flower: N’for the rest i agree with some pple in here. In-laws can buggin you about havin’
*kids. Like my mom in law im married for 7 years but dont have kids yet * Now she think i dont want a child but im not God or something. Anywayz recover soon Ok.
** Nilu.
thats sad manomano…
*