When I was in PK a lot of the elderly told me never leave ur husband alone for a long period of time…and this one uncle, actually close enough to my nana jaan’s age, told me that I know ur from America but stay here in PK for several years until ur husband and u have a good understanding and have kids then go to America and emphasized go “together” and stay by with him…several ppl keep telling me that stay with ur husband always…and the uncle met me and my husband for the first time so its not that he was saying he is a bad person…but its just that guys these days, including married men, r being disloyal to their wives…So right now I am in USA and my husband won’t come until december or january…do u think I should go back??? I am not really doing anything here and he is studying there…but I was kinda sick of staying there…I don’t know what to do…I am so 50/50…like I want to get a job here…but then I miss my husband…and what the older ppl say keeps running through my mind. Any suggestions??? I ask this to married ladies cuz they know what its like…
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
Multi-layered Desi wisdom 
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
If you are not doing anything in the US you should go back. However, I know plenty of men who would never cheat on their wives (especially when the separation is only for a few months). Certainly it's difficult to be apart, but I don't think you should expect the worst of him. However, if you have no good reason to be apart, I suggest you stay together.
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
i have seen so many women back home who fail to trust their husbands because they listen to other women who have nothing better to do but to put mirch masala in people's lives.
i would say that uncle himself has something fishy to tell in his life -- i would put mirch in his life and tell his wife immediately :D
as far as your hubby is concern... nai nai shadi hoi hai .. enjoy these years... trust each other... don't bother listening to 3rd party... now if you feel and have a single clue or hint that he might be cheating...then you take action :D
as far i am concern... when i said yes to his proposal .... i grabbed his collar and went... "Listen if you ever ever cheat on me I swear to Allah wherever you are on earth i will find you and beat the hell out of you and leave marks on your body and mentally for lifetime :D"
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
^ Go easy on the poor soul. :)
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
he isnt poor he became rich once i entered in his life 
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
^yaqeen to nahi ho raha 
…
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
Starting a marriage based on distrust is very unwise. Has your husband done or said anything to indicate that he would be unfaithful? Why listen to these uncles and aunties who have nothing better to do than interfere in people’s lives? You are going to have to learn to deal with jaahil people like them. If you don’t trust your husband, you might as well call it quits.
With that said, I am quite surprised that you left your husband to come back to the US just because you were ‘sick of staying there’. To be perfectly honest, you don’t sound at all like you’re ready for marriage.
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
The title of this thread is misleading 
Married ladies… AQ for u 
?? 
I object 
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
Pyaari, if he was going to cheat, he'd cheat even if you were living in teh same house..it makes no difference where he lives..it's all in his values/morals/and amount of self control he can exercise over himself..
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
With that said, I am quite surprised that you left your husband to come back to the US just because you were 'sick of staying there'. To be perfectly honest, you don't sound at all like you're ready for marriage.
You know what, it is interesting how the older generation thinks a marriage built on lies and hiding information is perfectly alright and do-able..i'm nto talking about past relationships but rather very important things like childhood polio, or diabetes or anything else, they should be kept a secret. Normally I try to follow my mother's advice, or at least find something to applyu into my own life, but this is one thing that she is very wrong on. No marriage can succeed if you hide something so important.
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
Pyaari83, You're trying to find a magic answer. Going back is totally between you and your husband. What's his say in this? Isn't he calling you and saying how much he misses you and wants you there with him? If you're not doing anything in particular where you are now, then what's a little boredom in Pakistan if you have your husband?
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
do keep a close contact with him , specially via phone. Sometimes when partners do not get much attention, and specially when they are in different lands, feelings sometimes try to overcome them. In doing so, dont try to dig out things during ur conversation. And i dont think you need to go back. if he is coming in december, then take october out, as its ramadan, and he probably wont be fooling around in that month :D… so it leaves you with september and nov..
(P.S) For the time being.. dont argue with him much…you can do all them once he becomes a FOB 
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
Rush: Kya mathlab?
Sahar: Thanks for the advice…I was actually trying to find a job here…but it is difficult to even get started. And then thinking about staying away for 4 months makes me not even want to look for a job. Also he is studying there so I technically wouldn’t be staying with him cuz he is going to stay in LHR and I will be in another place like 2 hrs away. So thats also why I came back to visit my parents.And abt cheating…well when elderly say stuff like that it just kinda puts questions in my mind cuz u know how they have experience and know the world better than I do…I guess thats the only reason why I think abt what they say. But I know mashallah he is a good guy and nothing to worry abt…inshallah.
NiaKhan: Ya I guess ur right cuz ppl assume more than they have any evidence of something happening. Thats funny what u said to ur husband…but I don’t think I would be able to say that to my husband…I can’t even say his name…:halo:
aahmed: Ya ppl sometimes talk more than they need to and scare newly weds…actually like I was telling Sahar…he is studying in LHR and I am staying in my inlaws house…thats also why I came back to visit…life over there and here are VERY diff and it is sometimes difficult to adjust…the small town that I was staying in also had so many restrictions I just kinda got depressed…
AQ: Thats funny I didn’t even think of that 
Sara: Ya ur right…but that never even came to my mind it was more abt wat the uncle said to “stay together” like always…like I can’t be his watch dog or anything 
Saima: Ya we talk all the time…mashallah…and he does miss me too…but then its like when he comes here we don’t want to live at my parents house for a long time…so thats why I wanted to find a job…but its difficult to stay away from him at the same time…thats why I am trying to find a magic answer…:halo:
indelible: I do keep close contact with him…on phone and internet…and he is not a fob
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
he is in the islamic republic of pakistan not america,his chances of cheating on you are very low,its hard to find women here.lol
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
dont talk from ur experience dude :halo:
and pyaari dont worry about it and dont think to much of this issue. all will be good for your..
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
Always live together, it builts good understanding rather than apart.
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
aweeeeeeeeee
keen observation, qureshi
Re: Married Ladies.....A Q for u....
dushi's word on it.
never discuss any thing about one's own personal relation between ur spouse and him, with anybody. it gives maximum privacy to the right people - just the 2 spouses.
& as said elsewhere in another thread.
staying together is the best thing.
cheating cannot lost a long while and it leaves one in a ditch.
Re: Married Ladies…A Q for u…
Desi married-life wisdom or for that matter life in general is a school: a school of life, understanding, trust, love, care, Passion, …, and a process of growing up with values. It’s a school where you learn relationships, socializing, finances and management, leadership etc. by example. It’s a school where you learn to see/ understand things in a different perspective. Here you learn not from books or TV or internet or by any another modern means known to us. In desi school learning comes by plain simple basics: By staying in the environment, by listening and observing things (in simple words: keep your eyes and ears open and keep your mouth shut) that happens around you/your family/neighbourhood etc.
(keywords: Listen/observe/keep your mouth shut/spend time by experiencing it)
Desi elder’s wisdom talk goes multi fold, usually it means something totally different. It’s an art, it’s a culture, it’s a little wisdom.
Sorry for the long introduction, to my understanding:
You are very young probably in your teens, All they wanted to say that you stay without saying it.
Why?
May be a hope/wish, that you will learn to appreciate desi-school of life as well. Basically it’s a very cultured (desi) way of say things so that you have enough time to think about it and make your choices without feeling any pressure and look like some one forced you to do certain things, giving you the importance and role of decision maker. In simple words that’s your life and you decide. (sounds familiar?) It’s my life, I want to live the way I want. I should be the one making decisions about my life not some in-law control freak/etc etc.
I would like to mention here I am just trying to translate. So don’t go into much detail of the exact words.
best,