OK guys, I apologize if I am offending anyone by putting labels but it’s the easiest way to paint a black and white picture. I will attempt to add colors and make it 3-dimensional like the people we are.
Just a bit about me, I am a 28 yo guy born and raised in the US. Attended an ivy undergraduate and medical school now currently training in a highly competitive residency. In terms of my personality, I am a very open, compromising, easy going, not religious person with very American wealth building values. My parents came from Pakistan in the 80’s, mom never educated, and dad has a bachelor’s degree in engineering. They did not assimilate much, are religious, and still strictly adhere to the family values/customs.
I moved out of the house at 18 when I started college and haven’t really looked back. I come home here and there, whenever I can to visit my parents but really it’s only about a total of 4-6w/ year. While growing up however, I was always around my cousins and extended family, most of my time was spent at Islamic schools, so I learned a great deal about the culture/religion but most of it doesn’t appeal to me. I had a good time in college and all but given the failure of my parents to assimilate, my marriage has always been a big deal to them. About 7 years ago now, my folks said, “look, this is the girl you are marrying, talk to her.” I couldn’t break their heart because they’ve done everything for me so I did. We’ve been talking on and off, I’ve never met this girl because I’ve never had time to go back, and somehow I still agreed when recently asked about pursuing the marriage (mixed thoughts including family pressure, not sure if I was going ot find someone, been talking to her for a while now, etc.). So now the wedding is in a week and im flipping out because I am not sure how she is going to adjust and how we will do!
A little about her: She is 24, lives in Karachi, well off, family not well educated but still wealthy, she has a bcom from a gov’t school (says shes working on her mba, yet I will have my MBA before her) has never worked or driven a car. However, she is very open about change (of course she’s scared), speaks to me in English (because I don’t speak anything else—yes communication is difficult), states that she is willing to work and says she’s culturally tolerant. It’s obviously hard to gauge all of these things but the fact that she’s saying so, is as scared/worried about the relationship as I am, and wanting to make it work all seem like good signs.
What I am most worried about his how she is going to adjust to the lifestyle here. She is coming from a big joint family to be living in a home with just me and her (which is good bc it’s just us, last thing I want is my family there because I want her to adjust my way). Kid’s are on hold for atleast 2-3 years. She will be fine with the family, but I am concerned about how she will adjust with my friends and the culture in general. Most all of my friends are desi guys from here married to desi girls from here—it’s going to be very awkward and difficult for her. She will be lost and I am sure I will be frustrated.
I just wanted your thoughts on my situation. Do you know similar people in this boat? How have they adjusted?
