Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
sorri to hear about ur experience mancunian,,,what do you mean greed? how does it change girls? what problems did u face as a guy? how did it affect ur life? i realize u may not answer dese as it is personal but share netin u can...i appreciate it
(bdw i dont like using terms like freshie to describe somone from pakistan as i think they r quite derogatery)
^
Farrah.....umm.....he doesn't have to use my words exactly to communicate his thoughts. ** He's welcome to change the words. The point of my post was to encourage Shaz to nicely educate his wife about how things work in the UK. Perhaps she feels out of place. The second point of my post was for him to open communication with her. We're not mind readers.......we can't tell if our words and actions are offending another person.........therefore.....we need to communicate our concerns with the other person if they are hurting us. I even encouraged Shaz to contemplate his own body language toward his wife........because it's possible that maybe he's showing contempt toward her through his body language that could be causing his wife to become defensive. I put forth several theories. The OVERALL gist of my post was to encourage/motivate Shaz to educate and communicate with his wife. You seem to have **zeroed-in on just one example of a quote that I've typed in my post and not the overall content. Anyhow.......the intent of the post was a positive one.....and not intended to hurt his wife.
sorri to hear about ur experience mancunian,,,what do you mean greed? how does it change girls? what problems did u face as a guy? how did it affect ur life? i realize u may not answer dese as it is personal but share netin u can...i appreciate it (bdw i dont like using terms like freshie to describe somone from pakistan as i think they r quite derogatery)
greed meaniing money (£ sign) my ex started working.went college etc. but some of her friends put stuff inher head - she was ok for 2yrs, also when she hot her indedinte stay in UK that changed her too. i know many cases of girls from back home who have done this , in scares me as a guy to remarry but not all girls are not like that i know, inshallah am hoping to find the rite partner 1 day.
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
man i heard ppl want u to support their families etc but which would potentially cause problems. i know greed is money but how did the greed cause problems between u two? did she want ur money? or stole from u? or did she get ur property by splitting up? what did she gain out of causing problems with u? how was it greed?
BDW do you have to give half of your property n everything to ur wife if u divorce after two years? even if u got married abroad n she came to live wv u? i myt get a pre nup den lol noooooo im jokin.
for obvious reasons of course … i don’t disagree with the rest of your content … 
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Yeah, you made the decision, now you have to deal with it. Good thing is, you actually realize that. Some guys dont and think its their God-earned right to go around making commitments without thinking things through and then when the going gets tough, they have the authority to kick someone out of their live as they want.
I would suggest you show through your behavior what good qualities you expect in a person. And then she'll pick up with time. Also, when people are plucked out of their environments and move to other environments they change. Maybe moving to the UK with you and having more wordly experiences beyond the trivial crap expereince you get in urban life in Pakistan will open her eyes and make her a less arrogant person.
I wouldn't start criticizing her until you've gotten to know her well and you have developed a friendship. If she does something you don't like, honestly, suck it up and ignore it. You're asking for a lot of trouble if you start opening your mouth this early in the game.
And yeah it was a decision you made. Did you have substantial conversations before agreeing to marry her? Sounds like you didn't, or she played you and made it seem like she's the most innocent seedhi saadhi person in the world (which most desi girls do even when living abroad, so dont feel too bad about being duped).
There is a huge cultural gap between pakistanis raised abroad and those raised in Pakistan.
Pakistanis abroad have been raised with manners... We know its not appropriate to insult anyone because we are sensitive of their feelings.
When I visit Pakistan, I am constantly shocked at how rude and crude Pakistanis are. They insult you to your face, calling you fat, ugly and constantly compare themselves to you. Its inherent in their nature and most importantly they think its OK.
I honestly think she'll eventually change once she comes to live with you in the UK, but you have to give it time. Once she moves to the UK explain to her the cultural norms and what is and is not acceptable to do and say..
man i heard ppl want u to support their families etc but which would potentially cause problems. i know greed is money but how did the greed cause problems between u two? did she want ur money? or stole from u? or did she get ur property by splitting up? what did she gain out of causing problems with u? how was it greed? BDW do you have to give half of your property n everything to ur wife if u divorce after two years? even if u got married abroad n she came to live wv u? i myt get a pre nup den lol noooooo im jokin.
neh yaar she preferd money than staying married - she works in uk lives with her friends - n nope she never got a penny out of the divorce but did make me in debt spending my credit cards - these types of girls have no shame when they c they can get council houses/benefits from the government etc they dont wana know u - i tryed for 2years to save my marriage, her family wer good but she wouldnt listen to them apni marzi - oh well when its not meant to be - so be it.
i move on
There is a huge cultural gap between pakistanis raised abroad and those raised in Pakistan.
Pakistanis abroad have been raised with manners... We know its not appropriate to insult anyone because we are sensitive of their feelings.
When I visit Pakistan, I am constantly shocked at how rude and crude Pakistanis are. They insult you to your face, calling you fat, ugly and constantly compare themselves to you. Its inherent in their nature and most importantly they think its OK.
I honestly think she'll eventually change once she comes to live with you in the UK, but you have to give it time. Once she moves to the UK explain to her the cultural norms and what is and is not acceptable to do and say..
i totally agree
There is a huge cultural gap between pakistanis raised abroad and those raised in Pakistan.
Pakistanis abroad have been raised with manners... We know its not appropriate to insult anyone because we are sensitive of their feelings.
When I visit Pakistan, I am constantly shocked at how rude and crude Pakistanis are. They insult you to your face, calling you fat, ugly and constantly compare themselves to you. Its inherent in their nature and most importantly they think its OK.
I honestly think she'll eventually change once she comes to live with you in the UK, but you have to give it time. Once she moves to the UK explain to her the cultural norms and what is and is not acceptable to do and say..
i totally agree
woah! this is a bit uncalled for and a rather generalist theory! i am not having the best times with the scrutinizing eyes of pakistanis abroad either, but m not complaining! it's not so clever to roll everyone in the same grain! dont forget that pakistan has multiple class levels, and it depends on who you're connected with back home ... you'll find every kind of person everwhere ... dont talk about "pakistanis" like this and think you're raised better! pffffff!
you think you're not hurting anyone's feeling by writing this, even though you're raised better?
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Before totally writing it off or stressing too much, you should give her more of a chance. You are only newly-weds. I am sure she has her reservations too. Spend time together and inshallah you two will bond and you will think back to this time and wonder what all the fuss was about.
She may not change. You should not expect to change someone. However, she will have to adapt to a whole new environment and you should be supportive of that and be patient with her. It is not easy to uproot everything and move to a different continent, as well as getting married.
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Nah she didn't dupe me into it atall or even tried,, im not dat simple neither... Also, as to why i agreed is a complicated story but thats done and dusted, so kind of irrelevant now. Also, i dont have any evidence yet to believe that she is malicious and does these things on purpose. i know she tries to impress me but may be sometimes tries too hard like if i say i like this thing, i know next thing she wud say i like this too n its annoyin. However, good thing is she always says she will try everything to adjust when she is here..this is the good bit but how do i handle the differences in our personalities, behaviour, perceptions, attitudes, values etc. At the same time, these fears and worries r linked to what i get told abt gals from paksitan bein sly, manipulative and cunning. This myt b just the fear of unknown but so many people seem to think this and then it affects how i interpret some of her comments etc,,, i bet its my paranoia isn it lol!
woah! this is a bit uncalled for and a rather generalist theory! i am not having the best times with the scrutinizing eyes of pakistanis abroad either, but m not complaining! it's not so clever to roll everyone in the same grain! dont forget that pakistan has multiple class levels, and it depends on who you're connected with back home ... you'll find every kind of person everwhere ... dont talk about "pakistanis" like this and think you're raised better! pffffff! you think you're not hurting anyone's feeling by writing this, even though you're raised better?
honestly, this is a forum to express ones thoughts and opinions, its a general statement based on my personal observations of pakistanis bred in pakistan (of all class levels). i'm not saying i was raised better, i'm just saying we have been raised in different cultures. there was a study that was recently done in several countries. Americans have been described as being too sensitive. Perhaps it is our sensitive nature which affects us when we see this sort of insensitivity in other countries.
though you may think I am biased, I truly am not. When I visit Pakistan, I come across many western pakistanis who have this air of arrogance about them, this superiority complex. It frustrates me to no end seeing this sort of disgusting behavior.
no pakistani is better than another.
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
my rational side tends to agree with farah,,,all pakistanis r not rude and vr rude aswel when v refer to them freshie etc. I think some girls from pakistan have strange mannerisms and this is just one element of cultural differences which one needs to overcome to live with someone from a different culture but how difficult is it to change somone? is it even possible?
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
we(in the west) r rude aswel when we refer to the people from pakistan as freshie or other clearly derogatery terms and how we treat them so its not that one is better than the other. its just we r rude in one ways n they r rude in other ways but this is what i wud call the difference of cultures.
I felt oh man what m i doing with this girl bcz they dont even walk proper in pakistan.....
You don't want her to walk on a modeling ramp , do ya ?
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Dude what? People in Pakistan can't walk properly? Where did you get that? Do they walk like Drunken Zombies? Dude your spike hair tells me that you are arrogant and haughty person just because you graduated and got money! Seriously man if you say you hot why did you get married to a girl in Pakistan? Why didn't you find a hip highlighted hair with fake eye lenses girl to match your cheesy spikey hair style? And besides what are you 16? Change that douchey hair style and take responsibility of your marriage!
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
.... there will always be a huge difference in culture. You will ALWAYS find things to point at!
Just one question:
Why did you not choose someone from your own school/town/uni/ immediate community/social circle? Why did you have to go all the way back home?
I am questioning you this because I am sure there are plenty of girls in UK who might be a better companion - but you chose to leave 'em alone... why?
Was it your thinking that "the grass is always greener on the other side" ?
meaning - did you think the girls from UK were not good enough?
I guess - you soon found out about the "other" side - and it does not seem to be so green after all :(
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
honest suggestion mate , change your hairstyle , may be your spike hair ... well could be too gayish for her liking :)
Diving into a marriage without thinking is like having a plague o' both your houses
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Where there is a will, there is a way ... culture is just a word ... people find love beyond religion even ... take the plunge, and try to make the best of it ... InshAllah it will work out ...
think positive, gain positive