One month ago I visited pakistan where I got married. Intention was to go there, enjoy and look for girls. Anyway when i was there I basically said yes to this girl my parents liked. In hindsight, i was rushed n i thought fuk it, ud never meet anyone perfect and went along with it. However, i take responsibility for it n it was my decision so das nt the issue. I didn’t live with her after marriage and came back two days of getting married. However, now back in the uk, I am just constantly thinking i made a mistake and i could have done better. Not being bigheaded but I have done well for myself, got houses of my own, nyc car, graduated from a good uni, gt a gud job and im reasonably good looking. when our family went to this place after wedding, I felt so awkward when walking with her. I felt oh man what m i doing with this girl bcz they dont even walk proper in pakistan…Also, dont like her mannerisms, she thinks she is all that and says childish things like she is clever when she is not really,and even if she was, why would u blow ur own trumpet,may be this is her way of tryin to impress.. Also, she can be very rude sometimes for example saying things like I got nice dark hair but yours arn’t, r dey? i was like ryttttttt n ur point is? i got reasonable good hair but i spike them up and she is always saying how it looks stupid etc. she wasn’t even joking n she always says things like that. I can diss her so much but i feel it would be rude but she doesn’t see such comments as rudeness. I dont even feel like speaking to her on the phone cz the conversation just annoys me more. I know i made the decision of getting married and it is not her fault. I m jus concerned, worried, panicking n all the rest of it lol. Do people change when they come to uk? their mannerisms?
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Damn 
Erm well I guess you should do ur utmost to make it work now, seeing as u agreed to it. BUT erm yeah, I get what you mean about getting annoyed at people when they’re acting childish Lekin I think you should just give it time, and haan perhaps she may change. Perhaps.
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Don't worry she will be fine, People in Pakistan have a thing against spiked hair :D
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
not really. your mannerisms are set at 18, after that its all hallaballoo.
One month ago I visited pakistan where I got married. Intention was to go there, enjoy and look for girls. Anyway when i was there I basically said yes to this girl my parents liked. In hindsight, i was rushed n i thought fuk it, ud never meet anyone perfect and went along with it. However, i take responsibility for it n it was my decision so das nt the issue. I didn't live with her after marriage and came back two days of getting married. However, now back in the uk, I am just constantly thinking i made a mistake and i could have done better. Not being bigheaded but I have done well for myself, got houses of my own, nyc car, graduated from a good uni, gt a gud job and im reasonably good looking. when our family went to this place after wedding, I felt so awkward when walking with her. I felt oh man what m i doing with this girl bcz they dont even walk proper in pakistan.....Also, dont like her mannerisms, she thinks she is all that and says childish things like she is clever when she is not really,,,and even if she was, why would u blow ur own trumpet,,,may be this is her way of tryin to impress.. Also, she can be very rude sometimes for example saying things like I got nice dark hair but yours arn't, r dey? i was like ryttttttt n ur point is? i got reasonable good hair but i spike them up and she is always saying how it looks stupid etc. she wasn't even joking n she always says things like that. I can diss her so much but i feel it would be rude but she doesn't see such comments as rudeness. I dont even feel like speaking to her on the phone cz the conversation just annoys me more. I know i made the decision of getting married and it is not her fault. I m jus concerned, worried, panicking n all the rest of it lol. Do people change when they come to uk? their mannerisms?
salam,
at the end of the day, she is ur wife, u married her, so in this relationship TELL her if she is behaving in a way u dont like. Communciation is the best way, hopefully u guys may have a better understanding Inshallah. Your an educated guy am sure u can work it out bro.
khair rab rakah
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
The first 6 months to 1 year will be very hard....this is the time you both really get to know each other and find out that you don't like what you find....
But work hard on building the relationships....and both sides will have to make compromises........
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
God bless you!
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
wish i knew it would be so difficult n i wud av never got married from backhome. There are way too many differences even though she is educated. I shudnt say it but it makes me cringe even talkin to her..... i know it sounds realy mean but i wish it wasnt d case. Sometimes i cnt sleep when i think about it n sometimes i get realy angry about it. part of me blames my parents. Also when i hear stories about girls from backhome being sly, two faced and manipulative, it puts me off even more. I dont think talkin to her about all this is going to help? dont want her to feel that the person she is married to is harbouring all these thoughts? it would nly hurt her feelings. Nonetheless, I will talk abt few major issues as and when appropriate but there are so many things i would have to keep quiet about. My main concern is can mannerisms be changed? do girls from backhome av the potential to adjust? do they realy understand if you talk to them? plz share your observations? experiences? it wud relli help!
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
You DID short-sell yourself. :P
People in Pakistan cant even walk properly :D
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
if she makes you cringe even talkin to her - then you are in deep sh*t
makes me wonder how the first night went
but taubaaaaaaa do tell us after Ramadan
lol
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
I think there may be a couple of reasons shes talking the way she is:
- Maybe she's impressed by you and is trying hard to impress you
- Maybe she thinks that you like her jokes and she's just teasing you
- Maybe, she's just a teenage kid who'll learn to behave well in time
In any case, I think you should politely tell her not to make jokes that you find offensive. I mean, you are her husband afterall and you have every right in the world to ask her to stop this behavior. One more thing, don't call too often but at the same time, don't break contact altogether (that really complicated things)
Best of luck.......
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
hey shaz … i dont know if this’ll help you … i moved out of pakistan a year ago for my study … and comparing myself from what i was a year ago … there have been a lot of changes … i’m not going to go into my own detail … but i can tell you … that when she finally moves to wherever you live … then the people who surround her: you, your family, your friends, etc, will have a huge impact on how she behaves. cuz in pakistan, she is in her safe zone, and you are in her territory, but when she’ll be with you, then shez around your kind of mindset … and will absorb a lot of that …
oh i remember the time when i got this one rishta of a “dude” from nyc … lol … i was like what the hell is this … his picture was in a background of pink flowers and an energy-drink-can in his hand …fun fun fun … ahahahahah … jk …
but no seriously … you dont have to be scared … just give her the time to adjust into YOUR zone … and it’ll be fine before you know …
good luck!
p.s. Pakistanis DO know how to walk mister! 
Shaz,
At least you admit your mistake in rushing to marrying this girl without thoroughly checking to see if she's even compatible to you or not. Use the realization of this mistake of yours as motivation to show some patience to your wife. And in future.........keep in mind.......that as much as our parents love us.........they like ANY other human beings........are capable of making the BIGGEST BLUNDERS!
About your wife. She grew up in Pakistan, where the culture/society is more conservative than the UK. So her mannerisms are according to the environment she lived in. I'm not trying to defend her...........but I know that some people who have been born and raised in the west would appear awkward if they were to try to settle down in Pakistan. Adjustment to ANY country that you're not used to can be awkward for even the best of us.
Now........it is possible that.......due to the conservative culture of Pakistan.......your wife might not have much experience with the opposite gender. Perhaps she's never had a boyfriend. Or if she did have a boyfriend........maybe the interactions were not strong or lasting enough for her to lean how to socialize with guys. Due to her lack of experience, it IS possible that she is "teasing" you about your hair as a way of flirting. Maybe it's not the best way to get your attention.................but generally speaking MEN AND WOMEN tease others to get their attention. Remember the playground....and the little boy who would pull the girl's pigtails and make her cry?????? Sound familiar? Yes, I know it's juvenile.......but as I've mentioned.........due to lack of experience..........her teasing could be her way of trying to get your attention/being playful/trying to start conversation with you.
You say that you are never say mean things to her. Keep in mind that even when we keep a lock on our tongues..............our feelings/thoughts can project themselves through OUR BODY LANGUAGE. Actually, I think I've read somewhere that most of the messages we send out are non-verbal and come from our body language.
^That said............perhaps your wife can sense from your body language that you are disgusted with her.......that you think she's inferior to you. And in this case, it's not unreasonable for her to become defensive. Think about it..........if someone (male or female) thought** YOU **were inferior to them..........wouldn't you get defensive and act a bit hostile/defensive?
People are more likely to learn new things if you patiently teach them. Didn't you learn best from teachers/adults who taught you with patience and not ridicule? Similarly.......don't expect this girl to learn things on her own. NOBODY....NOT EVEN YOU.....was born knowing everything. What I'm trying to say is that sit this girl down............and gently teach her how to adjust to life in the UK. Explain and demonstrate to her how things are done. She's like new kid in a school that you've attended all your life. And perhaps her mean/snotty attitude is a cover-up for her inner fears and insecurities about settling down in a country she's not familiar with.
Be the bigger person here. Don't throw a hissy-fit just because she criticized your hair. IF you don't like her comments.......sit her down......and tell her nicely, "I find your comments to be offensive. I'm not in the least bit amused by them and they're getting old. You don't hear me making fun of the way you look. Respect is a foundation for marriage." Say this calmly but firmly and then walk away.
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
^
you do this kind of talking once you've become comfortable with each other and develop some "bardasht" ... abhi they are both strangers .. and the resistance level ... as we can see ... is non-existent!
i dont know what kind of a family/education background your wife is from ... but you've got to give her a chance and mould her accordingly ... BE A MAN YAAR! Help her understand where you are from ... just randomly tell her things like ... well ... about you going out with your friends and how it is ... what your friends are like .... tell her what you like ... etc ... karlo uskay saath tum b flirt ... give her visuals of you'd like her to be ...
after all ussay atleasy itna to idea ho ga that she'll be moving to a new place ... and a new place means a heck of a lot of adjustment!
she'll automatically want to be like people around her ... and you just have to encourage and motivate her :D
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
masti lol,,,,nah v dint spend netym 2gda as such, nt even spent five mins alone yet... but dat gives me hope as i think may b its jus d teethin stage now n when v live 2gda, things wil get better.
[EMAIL="hahaha@kakabali"]@kakabali">hahaha@kakabali... to explain the walkin bit...i was referin to the d pakistani style,,d way sum pakistani girls walk n tink 2 much ov demselves.
thanks everyone, particulary redvelvett for your very meaningful contributions...yea im patient but is it possible to change someone whos so different to u in their attitude,,Also, i used that comment just as an example n ders so many other things i noticed but yea i get ur point n will be mindful ov dat in futurre...To b honest, what adds to my bitterness is i cnt help but compare her to d girls i bin out with before, who were so much better lookin but nt so ful ov demselves or ever spoke to me like dat...dasy i find it more annoyin when shes tryin to be clever wv me. den i think may be shes tryin to play mindgames as i heard girls frm pakistan r sly n manipulative...i dn know ,,may b im readin too much into it but may b im right...stil shes reasonably goodlookin. However, shes nt as goodlookin as shes been made to believe by d people around her...which is another annoyin bit abt her. looks r not d issue4 me tho, its d personality, mannerisms n general attitude i simply cnt stand n i hope it will change in time!
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
I'm trying not to be annoyed at all these threads by people who went into marriage without using their God-given brains! ARGH.
Okay, I'm okay now. I think most of what is bothering you are cultural differences. And the reason they are bothering you is not because there's actually anything wrong, but because you made a stupid and childish decision, you want out, and now you're nit-picking. Get over it. Nothing you have said suggests you should completely give up on this marriage. So try to make it work. SINCERELY try.
DO NOT try to change her. That should never be the goal of a marriage and your marriage will never work if that's your focus. People do change and marriage changes people, but not the way we expect. She WILL change, and so will you. Just don't expect to control what that means. That is a recipe for disaster.
Stop referring to her as "a girl from Pakistan." Stop loading her with all the stereotypes that that entails. At this point she is not one of THEM. She is YOUR PARTNER. You are "Us" now and that's how you need to start thinking.
Also, the comments you made about her constantly complimenting herself seem silly since you are doing the same thing toward us in this thread. You know why you did it -- to prove to strangers that you are special. She's probably doing the same thing.
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
lol how can i flirt man ,,,n secondly its ur wife, u dn wana b flirtin wv her lol it has to be d real thing cz u cnt fake it all ur life. also, its nt dat im sayin shes malicious and she means to be nasty to me,,,i know she doesn't mean it dat way. she says she will change, adjust n do everything for me when shes here. wE i dnt blame her cz its nt her fault,,its just dat vr so different.
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Sahar02 is correct! Change is inevitable ... just be patient ...
and yes your goal isnt to try and change her ... but just give her into your life ... so she can understand and mentally prepare better ... DON'T SCARE HER!
whoever said flirting is off equilibrium with marriage? uh hellooo ... u need to keep it spicy ... lol ...
Re: MARRIED FROM BACKHOME, NOT HAPPY!!!
Hmm sahar im NOT giving up, not even though abt it dat way,,,im jus getting these feelings, fears n worries which im sharing, not said netin to her though. The fact im here is an attempt on my part to understand our differences as i know ppl have knowledge of both sides here for example farah has contributed and her reply reassured me abit,,as she moved to a different place n still changed. Thing is i just cnt speak to anyone about this issue in real life so i felt it would be better to get more opinions as some people seem to know alot more about these issues than i do. I have very limited experience dealin wv these things.
I just want to be better prepared(mentally n emotionally as at d moment my feelings r jus deteriorating day by day so i cnt let it slip nemo).
Thats why im here, I wanted to get some views on if it is possible to change the mannerisms,, attitudes,,,how easy is it..how long does it take ...this is me making an effort, isn it?
However, im open minded sort of guy n in a way want u to tel me if u think it is me cz it might be just me.
may b u should have married outside pakistan, i had a really bad experience with my ex being from back home - bloody changed alot with greed and people putting stuff in her head - it dont take them long the freshies back home female/male (no offence to any1) am looking in the u.k to get married nevrr again pakistan unless i know her .
Good luck buddy hope it all works out for u
t.c