Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
Loved your reply! The fact that a bahu is considered property of the inlaws is something that pisses me off to the max. Why do we forget that she has parents too who need looking after? Why do we forget that she's not married to only take care of her saas and sussar and husband? Why do we expect a woman to forget where she came from, where she grew up for around 20 years and just leave them like it's nothing? Underlined sentence: my point exactly! I know this is a fact in Islam, it's our ignorance that stops us from recognizing it.
thank you CM...if we all practiced that in our lives, i'm sure, there wud have been so much happiness. :)
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
Sorry but Islamically a women is responsible for her parents whether she has brothers or not. Sons and daughters have the exact same responsibilities when it comes to looking after thier parents.
i'm sorry but i do NOT agree with ur statement in it's entirety. financially, she is NOT responsible. how could she be when she has kids of her own to takle care of. sons get more in inheritance as well. so, under shari'a laws, sons are responsible for their parents and NOT the daughters.
i can NOT convince u, so if u r in doubt, u may talk to a faqeeH. thank you.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
A topic I can really relate with:)
It's not a bad thing Chilly Milly.
I agree with everyone here on the Islamic obligation part. Whether you're the son or the daughter, you owe it to your parents and their upbringing to help them out when they need you. Parents invest so much on their kids, ensuring they have the best of education, morals and lifestyle but when it's time for us to give back to them in every which way possible, we shouldn't ignore our responsibilities towards them. This has nothing to do with gender. Actually let me rephrase that... it shouldn't have anything to do with gender. Normally, sons are the ones held responsible for the parents and it seems to work fine in some instances but if the daughter has a stable income then she should help them out as well. Especially if there is no son in the picture, the responsibility lies on the eldest daughter in most cases and I don't think any decent guy who understands the importance of these relationships would have an issue with that.
Having said that, it's really important to have your finances sorted out and let the guy know about the arrangement beforehand so he knows what to expect. You guys don't need to be counting every penny beforehand but it's good to have an idea what the big picture is going to be like. Just like the guy should tell you if he will be supporting his parents afterwards so you both know what to expect later on. Money isn't everything but you can't undermine it's importance and it can very much break or make up a married life.
I'm someone who comes from a single parent household and the eldest daughter as well. My mom could have listened to a lot of relatives and friends and saved up on all the money she had so she could ensure her future when all of her daughters (because in our culture,the daughter is 'paraya maal') got married but instead she chose to invest it on our education. Now that I have my college degree and 'that' perfect job, should it be okay to just get married and move on with my life and let go off all my responsibilities towards her because I'm scared it might not go so well with my in-laws or my husband? It would be as wrong as me forbidding my husband to help out his parents. There is no difference.
Like goddamiamsoawesome said (i somehow feel using those acronyms/cool abbreviations instead of names is only for veterans to be used here-and its a pain for newbies like us) it should be someone who can consider your parents as his.
What if you lose your job, fall ill or can't work for some other reason, would he be willing to help you out if the need arises?
And parents don't only need you for financial help. I was hesitant about a lot of rishtas because I couldn't leave my mom and move out to a different state or country since she depends on me in many more ways than that.
And the right guy did come along who is willing to share it all with me. Well now it's gotten a little annoying because he competes for my mom's attention and wants to be like a son to her and has started invading my special space; whereas I have reciprocated by becoming all chummy with his mom who now claims she loves me more than him. And this isn't a MIL who I can say was initially very fond of me either. You have to believe in the goodness of people sometimes. Women aren't pre-conditioned to be evil MILs or DILs. Yeah initially they'll have their reservations about you because you're a new household member and you're now a very important person in their son's life. I'm not saying she is just like my mom because my mother will always have a very special and different place in my life but I now give her the same amount of respect and care I show towards my mom and made her realize i'm not a threat towards her relationship with her son. There's no reason for people not to turn around and change their minds about you if you have been persistent and patient enough and showed them the real you. This might take a little more effort sometimes but it almost always pays off (unless the mil/dil is psychotic then you can't do much about it) but generally speaking all of these relationships can be worked on and fixed. If you are understanding of the son's responsibility towards his parents, then more than likely his parents will also understand your responsibility, as a daughter towards your parents.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
why just don't people give a damn to culture?
culture is something what makes you a stranger! Are your parents strangers? If I don't allow my wife to work so she can support her parents and I don't want to support her parents where is the sense of me being on this earth? Culture is just Bullsh't...I like the clothing style, though. And that should be enough. Who needs a culture which doesn't accept others or doesn't accept logical and sane ways of treatment to human beings?
I hate culture, if I had the opportunity I'd just ban culture from the world.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
why just don't people give a damn to culture?
culture is something what makes you a stranger! Are your parents strangers? If I don't allow my wife to work so she can support her parents and I don't want to support her parents where is the sense of me being on this earth? Culture is just Bullsh't...I like the clothing style, though. And that should be enough. Who needs a culture which doesn't accept others or doesn't accept logical and sane ways of treatment to human beings?
I hate culture, if I had the opportunity I'd just ban culture from the world.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
i'm sorry but i do NOT agree with ur statement in it's entirety. financially, she is NOT responsible. how could she be when she has kids of her own to takle care of. sons get more in inheritance as well. so, under shari'a laws, sons are responsible for their parents and NOT the daughters.
i can NOT convince u, so if u r in doubt, u may talk to a faqeeH. thank you.
I don't need any convincing, I read it in the Quran, you know, that book that is the word of God.
Remember parents don't just need money, they need emotional and physical support. Sure sons may find it easier to provide money because they always working but daughters should do thier part to whether that be money, cooking, cleaning, taking to doctors appointments etc.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
Son of the house: The son that brings in money to support the parents in their old age.
Considering our culture, this is in most cases the son. The daughter who gets married off has her 'own' family to think about now. What if the married daughter wants to be the one who supports her parents, in case there is no brother? Is it considered a bad thing by the in-laws? Isn't it her money, and can't she spend it on whatever/whoever she wants? Doesn't Islam encourage us to support our parents in their old age and that doesn't mean 'sons' specifically, right? Does the husband have the right to stop her from doing so?
I have no idea if this topic has been discussed before, but nevertheless.. your views, please.
The husband should def not stop her from supporting her parents, infact if he has the means it also becomes his responsibility to help out in any which way possible.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
I think the responsibility a person (man or woman) has towards their parents is evident. I dont think Islam has relieved man or woman of that charge in the Qur'an as far as I know.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
For God's sakes, what if you have no brothers and your parents are dependant on you?
If I was in that situation I would personally support them all the way and I think if any of my in laws had an issue with it they can go and jump, because I am not afraid of anyone if i'm doing nothing wrong.
Islamically I can spend 100% of what I earn towards my parents married or unmarried, if my husband had an issue with it as well i'd still carry on doing it.
Nobody can replace your parents, and even if I spend 100% of my money on them i'd never be able to pay them back 1% of what they have taught and done for me.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
Unfortunately, I don't see many daughters stepping up (whether they have brothers or not) and even planning to emotionally or financially support their parents in old age.
It just doesn't happen if you don't proactively work at it. It takes years to set expectations (with in laws, husband, you own kids, work) and build a support structure that will allow you to be physically, emotionally and financially available for your parent's old age and when they need you.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
I thought my post was the most realistic. It's easy to say I want to support my parents. But if you don't plan for it. When they times comes, you really cant.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
I thought my post was the most realistic. It's easy to say I want to support my parents. But if you don't plan for it. When they times comes, you really cant.
exactly..... too much idealism floating around.......all the statements include 'would/should'.......i have yet to see anyone mentioning 'i am doing it/ i have done it'....
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
One thing I dont get, why are ppl looking for 'Islamic' justifications on this? I mean some things are so OBVIOUS. If a daughter has old parents who have no one else looking after them, its painfully obvious that she(and her husband) need to step up and support them. Not doing so would be inhumane.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
Peace All
People here seem to be condemning a daughter if she does not support her parents financially when she has the means to do so. Sometimes things are not made very clear:
a) Men are obliged, like women, to care and be dutiful to parents. If either fail to do this it is sinful.
b) A man is obliged to financially apportion his wealth to his dependants and beneficiaries (such as his parents), if he fails to do this he is in sin.
c) If a woman does not give her wealth to her parents she is not in sin, however if she gives to her parents out of the sense of duty she has gained a reward twice that of the man in an equivalent situation.
Using the argument that what if parents only had daughters can be used to a greater extreme that what if a couple had no children or no relatives and so on. The legal responsibility is on the son.
Now unfortunately this "no financial obligation" on daughters is abused by the in-laws. Some claim that because there is no financial obligation on her parents then she "should not" give to them, by doing so they deprive her of a double reward. Rather if they were smart they would encourage her to give to her own parents to gain the double reward.
The wisdom in why the woman has no penalty if she does not give to her parents is because she is not always in a position to do so, and often not in a position to earn money for them due to her obligations to her husband and household. It would be unjust to put the burden of being a wife and financial donor to her parents. If a husband wishes his wife to earn more reward then she should use her emotional powers and wisdom with scripture to show that he should encourage her to give to her own parents and where she cannot do so - then HE should do so in her place.
By the way the wife has more obligation to her own parents in Islam than her husband's parents. Rather the only obligation is to her in-laws is due respect for being her husband's parents, her children's grandparents and so on. Culture has gotten a few things wrong.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
Assalamo-Alaikum
you wrote a very tricky sentence psyah:
Using the argument that what if parents only had daughters can be used to a greater extreme that what if a couple had no children or no relatives and so on. The legal responsibility is on the son.
i*t's all about good will in the end, it's about if you want paradise or hell...sadly most people choose hell over paradise. I remember havin read that especially the Prophet Muhammad (saw) cared for old people. He took care that the people around him old or young, strong or weak, relative or no relative were facing no disadvantages. For that we don't need Religion or Culture. It's all about good will. Today we are busy with deciding who is obliged and who not. The Holy Prophet (saw) was not obliged to take care of everyerthing and everyone. He, the Holy Prophet(saw) passed his message with great moral values. We have become deaf and blind for that. It's all mentioned in the Holy Qur'an.*