Son of the house: The son that brings in money to support the parents in their old age.
Considering our culture, this is in most cases the son. The daughter who gets married off has her ‘own’ family to think about now. What if the married daughter wants to be the one who supports her parents, in case there is no brother? Is it considered a bad thing by the in-laws? Isn’t it her money, and can’t she spend it on whatever/whoever she wants? Doesn’t Islam encourage us to support our parents in their old age and that doesn’t mean ‘sons’ specifically, right? Does the husband have the right to stop her from doing so?
I have no idea if this topic has been discussed before, but nevertheless.. your views, please.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
**of course...she has the right to use the money she earns they way she deems it fit. as a matter of fact, Islamically, wife's money is hers and hers alone...in-laws have no right to have any access to her money unless whatever she voluntarily gives to them.
considering a married daughter to be the property of in-laws is a Hindu tradition that we Muslims have picked up. Hindus do NOT even drink water at their daughter's in-law's place...
...in Islam, daughters and sons are EQUAL in every respect except inheritance. sons get more because thay are responsible for the sustenance of their families while daughters aren't.**
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
The wife needs to have permission from the husband that she can work... The money she earns is all her property and she can use the way she likes.... But she needs to have her husband's permission to work as of course she will be spending the time at her job which she would otherwise be spending at home...
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
If you aren't sure, it might be a good idea to discuss that with the guy before marrying him.
I don't think there is any amount of reasoning that will make it wrong or bad, unless ofcourse the couple doesn't have enough money to get by.
I think supporting parents is the responsibility of both the sons and the daughters. Girls often don't work and so it becomes more complicated, coz then they have to ask their husband for money for their parents. But if that's not the case, I don't see a problem. Just make sure that you're not placing parents' needs above your husband's or vice versa. Make sure you find a way to balance things out.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
Islamically, I think you already know the answers to these questions, as its common sense. The challenge comes when Pakistani culture butt in so much.
So to keep things simple, if you believe you have the responsibility to take care of your parents than choose a husband who is very understanding and doesn't believe in the "typical desi" nonsense of the wife fully submitting to the in-laws. Have a clear understanding between each other, on the topic of BOTH of your parents.
It's unfortunate that it's so easy to forget about the girls parents, while slaving away for the guys parents. But those girls who come from homes of all daughters are the only ones who can stand up for their own parents. And it's important to remember that as a daughter, when you get married, you GAIN a new-set of parents NOT LOSE an old-set.
If I think about it too much, it brings tears to my eyes to think that some parents who had all daughters get left behind like they mean nothing in this world. But I'm blessed to have a man who will never let that happen to my parents. Every girl deserves that.
Re: Married daughters being the ‘sons of the house’.
**Islamically, she is NOT responsible for HER husband and/or his family. as far as her parents and/or siblings are concerned, she is RESPONSIBLE for her aging parents if she got NO brothers.
as i said, she can spend any amount on anyone as she likes to but she has NO legal obligation. **
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
No reasonable person would have a problem with that. Its entirely within the wife's rights to look after her parents and Islam has absolutely no problems with that. I'd go as far as to expect her husband to support her parents as much as he can because it just seems like the thing to do for someone you're in a relationship with.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
I think both sons and daughters should share this responsibility equally. If the daughter is able to help financially, she should. Same with other things like taking care of the parents health needs, that shouldn't just be kept for the daughter-in-law.
Though in our culture, I can see that to be a issue for the in-laws lol.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
No reasonable person would have a problem with that. Its entirely within the wife's rights to look after her parents and Islam has absolutely no problems with that. I'd go as far as to expect her husband to support her parents as much as he can because it just seems like the thing to do for someone you're in a relationship with.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
I think KKF's first answer is the most comprehensive and I am totally agreed with it. Sounds perfectly reasonable as others have said shouldn't be a problem at least Islamically though some aspects of Culture might have you believe otherwise. :)
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
yes all you need is a supportive life partner. It goes both ways you know. Everyone cares for their family and want to support in whatever manner needed. Husband and wife both should be clear about such issues and respect eachother's obligations. I liked the thought that a wife is aught to have permission from her husband to work, i guess that automatically makes her husband the actual possessor of the money she earns. It disgusts me. Sounds like slave driving. For once, we should STOP treat our spouses as puppets and taking them for granted. Your liberty ends where my nose beings, and it goes for both.
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
No reasonable person would have a problem with that. Its entirely within the wife's rights to look after her parents and Islam has absolutely no problems with that. I'd go as far as to expect her husband to support her parents as much as he can because it just seems like the thing to do for someone you're in a relationship with.
Re: Married daughters being the ‘sons of the house’.
[quote=““Khalil KhaaN FaaKhta””]
**of course…she has the right to use the money she earns they way she deems it fit. as a matter of fact, Islamically, wife’s money is hers and hers alone…in-laws have no right to have any access to her money unless whatever she voluntarily gives to them.
considering a married daughter to be the property of in-laws is a Hindu tradition that we Muslims have picked up. Hindus do NOT even drink water at their daughter’s in-law’s place…
…in Islam, daughters and sons are EQUAL in every respect except inheritance. sons get more because thay are responsible for the sustenance of their families while daughters aren’t.
[/quote]
Loved your reply! The fact that a bahu is considered property of the inlaws is something that pisses me off to the max. Why do we forget that she has parents too who need looking after? Why do we forget that she’s not married to only take care of her saas and sussar and husband? Why do we expect a woman to forget where she came from, where she grew up for around 20 years and just leave them like it’s nothing? Underlined sentence: my point exactly! I know this is a fact in Islam, it’s our ignorance that stops us from recognizing it.
Do you have any reference/ proof on which you have based that a woman needs her husband’s permission? What if a woman doesn’t get permission, and she still wants to financially support her parents because she’s the only one who can do so? Spending her time at home cleaning and cooking, she can be done with that in an hour or two, what is she supposed to do the rest of the day.. watch StarPlus dramas? If she doesn’t work, she has to live off the allowance her husband gives her. Which she of course can spend in whatever way she wants to, but what if that’s not enough?
What needs exactly? You mean financially?
Yes Islamically seen, it’s all very simple. Culture however makes it complicated like there’s no end. Islamically seen, you’re not the one responsible for your husband’s parents. You are responsible for your own parents. That is something that culture forgets and how we love to only apply Islamic rules when we see fit. That’s exactly what I was thinking about. Alhamdulillah for having a guy like that Gaia! Mine better be like that too, inshaAllah.
InshaAllah, like Gaia and ADLV said, it’s important to clear those things out before getting married to a guy!
If only more men had the same thoughts!
Yes, why is it such a problem for the in-laws? Did they get a DIL to function only as their care-taker?
Re: Married daughters being the 'sons of the house'.
**Islamically, she is NOT responsible for HER husband and/or his family. as far as her parents and/or siblings are concerned, she is RESPONSIBLE for her aging parents if she got NO brothers.
as i said, she can spend any amount on anyone as she likes to but she has NO legal obligation. **
Sorry but Islamically a women is responsible for her parents whether she has brothers or not. Sons and daughters have the exact same responsibilities when it comes to looking after thier parents.
