is it worth it? now dont get me wrong i am its a beautiful life and all. but really given all the risks involved the chances of things going wrong like who wants to be that vulnerable . is marriage really what it seems like it ? seems so risky with a higher percentage of things going wrong then right.
is marriage really only a biological need or something more? does it really add to make life happier or really is it just a mental thing. maybe my question is do people really love their partners or are most people married because you kind of have to be?
is it possible to be happy without being married? or is marriage really a requirement for a happy life?
If you’re married to the right person and consistently try to put your spouse/family first, make a commitment to improve yourself and love unconditionally then it can be a huge blessing and will end up being a source of happiness and peace.
There’s this urdu saying I’ve heard my parents say but since I’m not that good at writing urdu I’ll try my best. It’s “shaadi ehsa laadu hai, jo khaye woh pashthaye, jo na khaye woh bhi pashthaye”.
Life is all about taking risks. You should try it, never know you might like it .
I know many people who are not married and are really happy, we do have need for intimacy and my ex assistant was telling me that she believes in serial monogamy where you are monogamous for a few years then move to the next person. Arranged marriages and marrying strangers is deeply flawed in this society. I am seeing more and more people who are having a hard time finding a soul mate. I see many very happily married people also. I do love my partner and could give my life for her in a blink and cant imagine life without her so yes true love exists you just have to go out and find it.
I think that’s the thing. Some people are happy with people for a few years then they get bored and want someone else. maybe that’s why marriages end even though these people have spend almost a lifetime together . Or idk maybe that’s just a simplistic way of looking at it.
I think marriage is a great risk to take. Especially because people can change or just deceive . So it’s not possible to live alone and be happy ?
But we’re changing all the time. Our interests and personalities are ever-evolving. Wouldn’t it be exciting watching the person you care about the most growing with you? The couple has to work to make the marriage exciting by trying new things and keeping the mystery alive.
Being vulnerable in marriage is intense but sometimes I think it has to do more with how much you trust yourself rather than how much you can trust the other person. And without being vulnerable and trusting the other person you can never feel deep love.
But how would you know the other person is not using you ? How would you know the other person is just as sincere as you are ? You could open up to someone and they could just manipulate you . How would you know the other person does not just want control or a servant and actually cares about you
With us the common bond was children and that is what made our bond grow stronger. There is a huge power of attraction so don’t marry anyone who doesn’t make your heart skip a beat. Also it really is each others responsibility to woo each other on a daily basis and to keep the flames going, work out, dress properly groom yourself, be funny and entertaining. Be confident and know you are the best thing that can happen to him.
They all use me and I am happy being used, with my ex she would always keep track and calculate who contributed more money or effort and that just kills the relationship, you give and give as much as you can and be happy that you have the means and strength to give. As the kid said give unconditionally.
what if you dont have children or it turns out you cant? with time very few people will remain attractive just say your not very attractive? is marriage really such a weak relationship that it is based so much on other things and what the other person has in it for them. if you compare that with the other relationships we have in our life with our parents, siblings maybe even friends, marriage just seems so weak and meaningless in away. i would not really know because iam not married but hats why i ask. if its even worth the headache. but then i also believe somewhere deep down that you can never really be happy alone. but then being alone after a divorce is probably worse.
We are changing all the time,that’s correct and that also bring up the question how much you are certain that your spouse will love/like the changes coming in you. Be it changes in terms of physical appearance or intellectual level. i have seen the case where the wife had lost her hair on the crown side due to some illness and the husband started to feel embarrassed to take her out. Also, he became less intimate towards her and the relationship completely gone sour. It is cases like these that make me doubt the claims of unconditional love in marriages.
Unconditional love is a very rare thing even parents hardly have unconditional love for children, in desis I have seen if one daughter is fair they love her more over the dark one. If one child is a doctor they love him more over the Bcomm boy.
I teach my staff to build emotional credits with clients you treat them amazing when you didnt screw up and they will forgive you when you did screw up.
Attraction is mostly emotional, my wife was amazingly beautiful when younger and because of the strength of the relationship I find her even more attractive after 20 yrs of marriage.
Trick is to work hard on the relationship on a daily basis, tell your partner every day you love him, do nice things for him, compliment him and the bond grows stronger and not weaker.
If you say mean things to each other than the bond keeps growing weaker, when I left the gori beech after 7 years I didn’t miss her for 7 seconds, with my current wife I cant live a day without seeing her smile.
There is nothing random about change you have the power to change it for good,
I’ve read somewhere that there are several stages to love: the falling in love stage (honeymoon phase), then there’s becoming partners (sharing lives and responsibilities), there are a few in between but the final stage is “real love” or sometimes known as “mature love”. It goes beyond the superficial butterflies in the stomach when your partner looks at you and ideal romanticized life, it’s about learning to love the struggles you’ve had together and making the memories with your family count.
In the above case if the husband cannot be supportive then did he even love his wife? Heart-breaking for her but it’s the test they must overcome together. They can see what can be done about the hair-loss (there are many options out there). Either they will overcome it and be stronger or …
anyway i think to trust someone with your life like that is a pretty big deal and the odds of things going wrong are really high esp cause men and women are pretty different by nature.
i honestly wonder at times how people are happy
Imagine if you find someone that complements your personality rather than someone that brings out the worst in you and you in him. I’ve seen couples like that. If you’re the type that stresses out easily and you’re with someone that’s super calm in crazy stressful situations, doesn’t ridicule you but actually inspires you to deal with the stress in such a way that you’re more productive. If you’re lucky, you might find someone like that and just like most have said already, marriage is a gamble. You take a chance but make it an educated, well thought out plunge. That’s all we can do and hope and pray the other person values the bond as much as you do or else it’ll be one-sided sacrifice all the way.
I’m not that keen on marriage either but the thoughts above keep me hopeful. I’ve seen couples where the husband and wife bring out the best in each other, that are mature enough and caring enough to deal with the obstacles that come their way.
But then I see couples that are together and under the label of married just because they are scared what society would think of them if they did separate. One of the spouses is cheating on the other and even if the other knows about it, they are still together. Ones where they can’t stand the sight of each other but they just can’t commit the “big sin” of divorce so they suffer through it and put on a mask in public. They constantly put each other down and are abusive to each other or one is the abusive one and the other one just takes it like some sort of punishment they must endure for the sake of the marriage or staying married.
Lifey, let me give you a girls perspective . I really dont know a guy’s honest perspective about this .
Marriage is a tough nut . Its not easy . If the partner is down to earth , easy going type , then marriage is a breeze . But if he is what majority of the men are , then its never easy for a girl. There will be ups and downs , happy times and sad times . Extremely rewarding situations and some situations where you just want to jump off the nearest cliff . A lot of times when you will feel loved , and times when you will feel humiliated to the worst end .
Times when you will be sacrificing like you never thought you would and then there will be times when you will feel so wanted , so loved , as if you are the thread that binds your family.
Men are difficult creatures to manage . Many people live without marriage too , but honestly you will miss out on this amazing form of closeness, bonding, friendliness etc . you get used to sacrificing, there is this happiness in there knowing you are making a difference in someone’s life , celebrating together, doing things to create memories etc . Sex is not the only element of a married life . sharing the sad times, struggles , problems of life is an amazing journey worth every bit of experience.
Once you get the kids , the bond that unites the family is the woman . you will become central to your kids and family . that experience goes unmatched with any other thing you will experience in life. A point comes when you will realize that you have lived for others and not just for yourself . and that in it self becomes very rewarding later on in life . Its serves as a purpose of life .
PS : If the partner is abusive and the nasty kind , then leaving him and moving on is much more rewarding . But never blame the institution of marriage for it. its the people that ruin it , not marriage itself .
Sharing with someone that feels the same way would be beautiful. The whole risk is what if you never find that person and the only way to actually be happy in that marriage is just to do what The other says. I think this is pretty common too. I guess you don’t really know what your signing up for but you just might get lucky .
You know lifey , if you look for someone whose like you , you will never find them . Coz Allah made us all unique and different. A lot of compromises at both end , but mostly the females are asked of doing it , is what promises a good , healthy , strong relationship.
Trust me even when people are alike , its never too easy . If someone tells you it is , then dont believe them. Just like how there is nothing in this world that comes free. Similarly there is nothing that seems good and is easy.
you will have to give up a lot of your self in the beginning to set base to the right relationship, you will have to let go of your own wishes and needs but eventually you will realize that it will all start coming back to you , your needs and wishes will become an important element in the marriage. No one should sacrifice these for ever . but putting them in the back end for a little while for the bigger benefit is absolutely worth it
