What you say reminds me of the 100/0 principle… You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.
Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not normal/natural and its pretty damn hard. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent. I know I could probably never fully be able to implement this. I’m too prideful/stubborn/lazy…(typical leo), which makes it kind of hard to commit to someone.
But with life in general, I think you should assume you’re never going to get married and live in a way that you will never get married (keeping it halal as possible). Have whatever potential lines of marriage open, whether it be online/rishta aunty or straight up clubbing/dating..(whatever floats your boat)…but assume you won’t find that person.
I think thats the best way to go about things.
I think you’re thinking too far ahead…just finding someone to get married too is hard as it is. Let alone taking the risk with that person. I agree with biryani’s sentiments its a case by case basis. You can’t really generalize happiness and marriage. It’s what you make of it.
I have never been without a relationship in my life and every relationship has been great. It boils down to your expectations and if you have unrealistic expectations then you are bound to be disappointed. I could never understand the marrying a stranger bit though. People here get to know a person for a few years before they chose to commit their life. People should get into a relationship where they are emotionally, psychologically and financially independent. I cant imagine coming home to no one waiting for me. Great relationships don’t just happen, you have to make them happen by doing nice things for each other on a daily basis.many of you are living with parents so truly don’t understand how painful being alone can be. Nature has designed us to be a social animal and you can’t override hard wiring.
It’s funny you say this…cause I’ve been perpetually single my whole life and am perfectly fine coming home to no one. Just shows how people can be completely different. Of course I have my parents and I understand your point about being “truly alone.” You do need other people in your life.. friends, family, etc..
I’ve talked to girls for marriage and stuff..but I haven’t dated/been in a relationship. But I agree that you shouldn’t get into a relationship where you aren’t emotionally, psychologically and financially ready.
I never got lonely when I was surrounded by family, try living alone for a few months and perhaps you will change your mind. Now that my parents are passed away there isn’t that comfort about knowing someone cares for you. Now the biggest rock and support is only my wife. Kids here don’t have the same emotional bonds. Once you reach 40s is when you realize how important it is to have a strong bond. Make sure you treat her great when you are strong and powerful and she will treat you well when you are old and not good looking. Great relationships don’t happen, you have to make them happen.
When I study other couples, I feel like most of the time it’s all about “meant to be”, luck, chance, fate. Two people could match up perfectly on paper, both good looking, both from good families that brought them up with similar values, same language, same religion but then when married they are like 99% mismatched. In those initial stages of meeting a potential rishta, do we really show our real selves? We’re trying to impress just hoping to find someone that matches up so we can get the label of happily married.
I’ve come across guys that I speak with on a daily basis, at work, to my face they are really sweet, then they’re backstabbing, backbiting jerks that say the most hurtful stuff imaginable. It makes me think if I was married to a guy like that for rest of my life. Being stuck or caged up with someone with 2 faces. Nice and easy going one minute and the one that hits below the belt, taking things i’ve said in the past and using them against me. Wow, again, that need to be married vanishes just like that and i’m kind of reborn a confident, happy single person again. It just takes a loser, hurtful, jerk like that.
Of course its a big deal! That’s why people are so cautious and take so much time…just like you.
There is nothing wrong with being single. You can live a good, happy and fulfilled life being single as well. My single life was not lacking in any way. Marriage just came along because I met the right person.
You don’t get married and start to live a happy life immediately. You don’t end up trusting the other person immediately either. You build towards that on a daily basis and that is why marriage takes so much work. You are slowly progressing towards that goal of being best friends.
There have been days I wanted to just punch my husband…he is the most stubborn person I know and I thought I was the most stubborn person I knew. That was before I met him. I am immature, childish and can be careless. So he deals with that.
Despite all of this though, our highs are so high that I don’t want to ever imagine life without him. Both of us have been married before so we know what we have is good. I learn a lot from him and he learns a lot from me.
As for risks…what is life if you don’t take any risks?