You go to a wedding–pay for transportation/tolls etc, preferably buy a new jora if ure close to the couple, give htem money/gift
the marriage is over within weeks/months (not years).
Do you think you deserve your money/gifts back?
re: Marriage that doesn't last
Well once I give a gift it's gone, forever. The coupl should donate the money!!
re: Marriage that doesn't last
I googled it--in western weddings its considered good manners /good etiquette to return gifts that can be returned or compensate for them if the split is under a year.
re: Marriage that doesn't last
No way. I do not expect anything I've given/spent back at all! I don't think it's very ethical.
re: Marriage that doesn't last
heheheh never...
re: Marriage that doesn't last
No way. I do not expect anything I've given/spent back at all! I don't think it's very ethical.
^ I agree
re: Marriage that doesn't last
Since desis usually re-gift...then there isn't any point in asking for the gift back.
re: Marriage that doesn't last
Hahahahaha...No!
re: Marriage that doesn’t last
In gorays you have a year to give a present. If you adopt this practice, wait almost a year, if the marriage lasts give a gift, if not, money well-saved 
re: Marriage that doesn't last
Well If the person wants to ask for their gift back its up to them, but I dont think the bride/groom will be concerning themselves with returning gifts when their marriage has just broken down!
re: Marriage that doesn't last
I know someone who was getting married, the family travelled all the way to Pakistan for hte wedding, they paid for the deposits on the hall and makeup parlor and paid for the travel arrangements, not ot mention the gifts. Well the marriage was over literally the next day. If I were the person who paid for a sham wedding I would sure as hell ask for my money back from the bride or groom.
The fact that the marriage ended in just days shows that one of them wasn't serious about getting married to begin with and should pay the family back.
re: Marriage that doesn't last
Well If the person wants to ask for their gift back its up to them, but I dont think the bride/groom will be concerning themselves with returning gifts when their marriage has just broken down!
Makes sense. A marriage breaking down is unfortunate, however, when ti happens there are many things one has to take into consideration, some that are important and some that are not so important matters. This can fall into the latter category. I guess it's bad manners to actually ask for the money back but the person should ahve enough sense to return it themselves.
I guess if someone spends a substantial amount of money on a wedding, like in the scenario above, and the marriage breaks down because it was a sham or farce or something....they can feel cheated.
re: Marriage that doesn't last
Never heard of someone returning gifts or anything like that. I mean in our culture, when a marriage falls apart the brides don't return the gifts/gold/clothes given by the guy side.
re: Marriage that doesn't last
I have been to a wedding where unfortunately a divorce occurred within a year.... it was a "no boxed gifts please" type of wedding... but when we all heard of the unfortunate consequences from the shaadi... the thought did not even cross our mind of wanting our gift (money) back...
realistically thinking about it now... the couple probably was in no way even in the financial situation to return the gifts. They spent the wedding money on their house/household things as most young couples do and then they had to go through a divorce which is not cheap in the U.S. ..... we heard that it was the parents on both sides that had to finance the divorce itself because the young couple did not even have the money to get divorced. The girl's own parents were getting a divorce at the same time too.. the whole situation was just so sad and unfortunate. We all just felt bad and were very sympathetic for the family (we were from the girl's side ..and knew the details of why the divorce was occurring).
re: Marriage that doesn't last
Ouch :(
re: Marriage that doesn't last
In another situation - A close family member married another family member and relations were estranged from the beginning because the guys family kept many secrets about their son and his psychological issues. This took place in pakistan.. the girl tried extremely hard to keep the marriage going and suffered alot. When it literally came to the point of life and death, she finally broke down to her parents. Her parents immediately sought a divorce. The majority of the khandaan was horrified by what had happened to this girl .. by their own family members. So when the guys parents called and asked for the girl to return her Bari ... her brother, cousins, and father all went their house and demanded all the jahaiz and gifts given to the boy and his family to be returned as well. They returned the bari .. with the bangles bent and the necklaces broken. When the jahaiz and gifts were returned, in front of the family they burned those things that had been given to them. Just to kinda show that its not that they wanted their things back... but just that they just didnt want THEM to have them and use them.
Although this occurred almost 20 years ago.. It was a horrible divorce and something that affected the khandaan to this day. Majority of the family sided with the girls side ..but anyone that sided with the guy's side are no longer considered our family anymore.
I just randomly thought of it because it was an extreme case of how the personal gifts were handled in the case of the divorce. Alot of hurt and feelings of betrayal led to this...
re: Marriage that doesn't last
Never heard of someone returning gifts or anything like that. I mean in our culture, when a marriage falls apart the brides don't return the gifts/gold/clothes given by the guy side.
In the case of haq mehr......I think the girl has to give it back if SHE was the one to initiate the divorce.
re: Marriage that doesn't last
I think it's kinda cheap for guests who attended the wedding to want the gifts to be "returned" if the marriage fails.
re: Marriage that doesn't last
The fact that the marriage ended in just days shows that one of them wasn't serious about getting married to begin with and should pay the family back.
You never know what could be the reason.
I think it's kinda cheap for guests who attended the wedding to want the gifts to be "returned" if the marriage fails.
Exactly.
I think its quite a stupid question to be even thinking of your "gift" when the couple is going thru hell. Such people should not bother giving anyone a gift if at the back of their mind they have such thoughts.
Re: Marriage that doesn't last
I knew a girl who sold off all her bari jewelry once and the weird part was no one noticed. She would buy all sorts of things and shower people with gifts and show how much money she now has (she didnt have much before marriage). Then she started stealing from her in laws as well. When the in laws asked her to hand over the jewelry so that they could calculate the zakaat on it, she kept procrastinating and then created this whole situation where she hired the maid's husband to act as a robber and act as if stole the jewelry case and all. It was so bad and the boy was completely stunned when the whole story came out to be true. The poor in laws were so shocked and shareef that they didn't even bother to ask for money back on the stuff she sold and stole. And if you think thats bad, check out the cherry on top - the girl's father asked for the mehr and jahaiz back :S
I don't think you should ask for the money or gifts back because they're already going through such a bad time during their divorce(such as the groom in the story above), its more like adding insult to injury if you expect your gifts back