Re: Marriage of my choice
Sara whats so "wrong" about it? Its a western perspective that you need to get over.
Islamically once you hit puberty...thats when you mature from a girl to a woman.
Re: Marriage of my choice
Two marriages? Sure, if you can keep them both happy:) But it sounds impossible since you are marrying one in love and the other in arrangment. Hence, I think you should talk to the parent who listens to you more and then see what happens. I understand why your parents said that “if she can have a boyfriend before, imagine what happens afterwards, as in she isnt trust worthy” but it all depends on the girl, you really have to give it a thought, is she really worth your love and does she love you back??? And what makes you think your marriage will be successful for the rest of your life? And plus, no parents can force you to marry some girl who you dont want to and vice versa:grumpy: Sure they might think marrying the girl of their recommendation might be better for you but that doesnt mean you have to marry her. But man you are gonna have to give this a lot of thought…This is your life afterall not your parents 
If she is a Pakistani Muslim, then it shouldnt be a big deal…And the rich/old families ki “shaadi nahi ho sakteee” is pretty old now. We all should get over it, as long as the person marrying is happy:)
)
I feel like a Psychologist:D
Re: Marriage of my choice
Uhm if u were "together" when she was 13 and u were 20 eah that'd be pedophilic..but thats not the case (since u've said)..
You have no reason to stick to that rishta...i think you have to be selfish in this case, your parents didn't give you any consideration or care when arranging ur rishta.. they dint have to agree to the girl just yet, but then to go and arrange a rishta behind your back, that's not very fair now is it? DON'T marry the rishta! You're just going to ruin her life as well..it's not too late to break it u know.
This whole idea htat parents have all the right to control your life and not give a damn to how you feel or what you want is BS. Respecting them is one thing, but I think letting them force you into marrying someone , especially when you love someone else is the limit.
Since you've known each other for quite some time, I doubt this si some blind "teenage" love.. If you dump your girl, ure going to have to live with the fact that u "used" her. That's how she would view it, that she wasn't worth fighting for, that she was just a good time for you. Maybe that's NOT how you feel but I'm guessing that's how she would feel. If your "word" holds any weight, you'll pray and try your best to get your parents to agree.
Re: Marriage of my choice
thank you very much Crescent Warrior :)
Re: Marriage of my choice
Islamically once you hit puberty...thats when you mature from a girl to a woman.
No I don't need to "get over" it.
Physical changes does not mean one is mentally and emotionally capable of handling a marriage. Maybe 50-60 years ago it was true,but not in this day and age. There's alot more to being a "woman" than just having a developed body.
Re: Marriage of my choice
My Grandpa’s brother who was 86 and recently died had four wives one who is 26 right now:disgust:
Re: Marriage of my choice
so, you can never generalize. I was really mature at 13 to have a sense of right and wrong. You can definitely be in your senses at that age. Just because you didnt mature as fast does not apply that the girl he speaks about is the same.
just admit it, what your post up there said is a very "western" perspective about relationships of 18 and under.
Re: Marriage of my choice
Yeah I really desperately want to marry her, it's not a stupid immature love I cannot explain it, I think I will have to figure out a way for this to work
Re: Marriage of my choice
no she is very mature for her age due to things she went through in her life, and she loves me on a level that I know for a fact no one can ever love me. Besides, I do not believe in loving more than once in life, and I am terribly afraid that my whole life is going to spiral downwards if God forbid I ever have to leave her. Just the thought of leaving her due to my helplessness makes me hate my parents, because she wants this more than anything in the world. Life is hard, especially when you have paretns who are unwilling to change. My mom thinks multiple marriages are the best thing in the world, yet I once asked her if my gf can be my second wife and she flat out said no. Anyhow, i sent in my question to the site provided by Crescentwarrior, I'm hoping that provides some help and advice on how to do this all in a diplomatic and respectful manner.
Re: Marriage of my choice
Sorry for so many consecutive posts--- I just read yours right now CuteSmile, and thank you and its funny, i took psych courses in college and I always find it much harder to find a solution to my own problems than to others... STUPID BRAIN OF MINE! Its so agitating
Re: Marriage of my choice
Your welcome brother, anytime... :)
Re: Marriage of my choice
just admit it, what your post up there said is a very "western" perspective about relationships of 18 and under.
Yes I know it's a "Western" perspective and I don't find anything wrong with that. I don't think it's appropriate for a 20 year old to have "feelings" or "date" a 13 year old girl. Just because one has hit puberty at that age, that does not mean they're mature enough to handle something serious as a marriage.
Re: Marriage of my choice
Oh that’s just disgusting.
Re: Marriage of my choice
I still think that marrying your cousin is gross...
Re: Marriage of my choice
Marrying someone 60 yrs older than you is the grossest.
Re: Marriage of my choice
I don't really know about that cutesmile since thats been going on for generations in my family, but the girl they got me engaged to is like a sister to me and I'm really unhappy about it. But this culture thing is never gonna die down, though I wish we as Pakistanis should realize sooner better than later that Allah is going to judge us for how well we adhered to Islamic teachings as opposed to how well we followed Pakistani traditions and lived according to culture, something Ive been trying to drill into my parents head. Sara that may be disgusting to you, but you never know, maybe the girl wasnt getting any other rishte therefore her grandfather did a noble thing and married her.
Re: Marriage of my choice
He was really rich and she was from a family whose parents just simply didnt care and wanted to get rid of her and didnt even care how old he was :nono3: She is the only wife alive and owns all the lands now, with two little children.
Re: Marriage of my choice
age isnt much of a factor, maturity is. therefore if two people are mature i am sure things will work out Alhamdulilah, regardless of age...
Re: Marriage of my choice
I know, its pretty scary, none of us liked what he did, but he was stubborn and rich...:D
Re: Marriage of my choice
Not HER grandfather (:yukh: ) but someone OLD enough to be her granddad. :yukh:
But hey shes rich so i guess it works out 