Hello, my name is Iftikhar. I am 26 years old. By the Grace of Allah, I have a great family and all the means to attain all the worldly objects that I so desire, but I have not yet achieved the goal that I desire most: to marry the girl whom I truly love. I do not have a physical love for her, rather is a spiritual almost out-of-body experience. It is so difficult to put into words. I have spoken to my parents about her, but they are adamant about making me marry into our own caste and maybe into the family, for they are (unfortunately) too obsessed with status, society, and pride. I would like some advice on how i can convince them to let me marry her with their blessings. She is 20 and we have been together for 7 years. Please help.
Re: Marriage of my choice
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Re: Marriage of my choice
We started off as friends, mind you. Astaghfirullah.
Re: Marriage of my choice
wat a jugdemental kinda attitude some ppl have .
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@iftakhar bhai inshallah everything will work out for u.. be patient..shuru shuru main most parents barai ziddi hotai hain but they change after a while.
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Re: Marriage of my choice
No it's ok, she didn't know the full story so no biggie. And thanks hussain, jo Allah ki marzi, wo meri bhi marzi, but I just wish I could get this to work! This love thing can be frustrating sometimes.
Re: Marriage of my choice
well ....I dont mean to offend u...but wat is the educational back ground of ur family.....cuz this caste and society standards things sounds more like a 70's movie....
And most of all........what do u have to say .....
Do u agree with ur parents thoughts on society standards and caste...thing????
Re: Marriage of my choice
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Re: Marriage of my choice
ok I'm sorry I should clarify. She lived in my building and there werent many desis in my building, so we were just acquaintances more than anything. So for me to say "been together" 7 years might have thrown it all off, while we just started dating so to speak 4 years ago
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Muali, I don't agree but I'm the only one from my family who thinks like this. My father himself had two wives, my mom being the second one, and they're stuck in a rut adn they want the same for me. I love my parents but I also love her... Im trying to do some research on Islam to gather Quranic verses or Hadith to prove to that that I can marry her, but Im having a hard time. I just want to do teh right thing.
Re: Marriage of my choice
It's 7pm where I am, I have to take care of some errands I will return later.
Re: Marriage of my choice
Islamically, your parents have no right to force you to marry a particular person. They have to ask your consent if you want to be with a certain person. What your parents are concerned with, marrying in family, in caste, society, status, mainly forcing you into something, goes against Islam.
Ask them what their reason is for not approving of hte girl, other than status and caste and society.
Also you have to consider this: are you going to live away from your parents after marriage (whoever you marry)? I ask because IF you do marry her and you bring her into a joint family, they might make her life a living hell. Do you really want that for her? On the other hand, if you have some sort of distance between you and your family, the parents are more likely to come around.
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your_angel, not to be offensive, but grow some balls, your 26 not 6, tell the old boy how it's gonna be, he'll respect you for later at least, " my assertive, takes no sh.. puhttar".
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SARA when did you have your first affair??
angel mate, you should stick to your point. be assertive enough that your parents know you are damn serious. most parents take lightly such matters. dont loose at all cost.
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i dont have affairs
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^^^ oh what did you have then? if not affairs, must be some crush here and there?
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**Generally speaking, **13 year old girls can crush on any guys they want. But when the 19-year-old acutally starts liking her back, yes I find that extremely wrong.
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^^ yea I am not supporting peodophilia here, but I guess its common between age fellows though.
I had my first crush when I was 14 year old and she was 14 too. but i still like that girl, though i couldnt get married to her due to some bad family politics in our side.
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I have been having this fight with them for 2 years now, their excuse is “if she can have a boyfriend before marriage then she is likely to cheat you later on in life too” I dont buy into that and for that reason, my parents left me for a year and went on in their separate ways. However they are back and have informed me that they arranged a rishta with someone from their family for me in Pakistan and threw a party, the whole nine yards, and Im feeling really deceived and unsure how to go on with this. I don’t want to bring shame to my family name, yet theres no way I can leave her either. This is really putting a burden on my shoulders as I cant disobey my aging and sick parents yet I promised her marriage and I don’t want to go back on my word. Do you think marrying my parent’s choice and then my own choice might be a good alternative? AT this point, thats the only solution I can find in this dilemma 
Re: Marriage of my choice
She's almost 21 we were together since she was 17 I don't think thats pedophilic behavior considering we do not engage in those kinds of physical relations if you can understand what I am hinting at
Re: Marriage of my choice
Iftikhar brother visit this site, and get some advice. It is of the ahle hadith school of thought and they will provide relevant proofs for you to see:
http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ln=eng
May ALLAH swt insure everything works out for the best, Ameen…