I don’t know how we’ve gone so long in this forum without talking about this.
Last month a young lady I am acquainted with got married.
She has a condition that requires her to wear a brace on her leg. She has a significant, visible limp even with the brace.
While this limits her mobility, she is otherwise perfectly healthy and gainfully employed.
Now this woman is a Canadian citizen and married her cousin from Punjab in India.
There’s no denying that the rishta process was made easier because of her citizenship status but I hope that the gentleman is sincere and that they enjoy a long-lasting and sincere marriage, insha Allah.
What are some of the stories that you have experienced?
Do you know of a similar story of someone with a physical disability getting married?
How about someone with a mental challenge? How does our community handle that?
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
A family friend’s sister is deaf and she is married to a guy who is also deaf… they are not related and have been happily married for more than a decade. So idk if it was just luck but they didn’t have a problem looking for her in Pakistan.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
My cousin who is really beautiful, intelligent and with a personality that was contagious, had cancer …she was in partial remission when she was younger and later on in her teens was in full remmision. She dated, got to know guys but in the end, some guys didn’t want a wife that cancer could creep back up. Even if she did find a guy that was fine with it, his parents usually vehemently disagreed. She than found a guy but he was agha khani muslim, and if you know anything about Islam, some Sunni’s don’t see agha khani’s as muslim. Any ways her parent’s don’t care about this stuff, and neither did she and she got married. But some family friends/relatives didn’t like it. But she was looking for a good 6 years, from 22 and finally got married at 27. Mind you, she’s a catch in every sense of the word…Probably not the “challenges” you were looking for…but
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
A desi girl I know married a guy she met through her parents (her parents met his parents through 3rd parties and introduced the kids). Both born/raised in U.S. Both practicing physicians in highly specialized fields. Soon after the wedding, the girl found out that the guy had schizophrenia. Guy and his family obviously hid this fact prior to the wedding. He didn’t take his medications regularly which caused serious issues. To make a long story short, within the first year, one day they had an argument and the guy left the apartment. Soon after, they found his dead body. Turned out he went to the roof of their building (high rise in a major city) and jumped off.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
inna lillahe w’inna illahe rajeoon.
wow…both practicing physicians and he doesn’t take his meds?
I guess it can happen but doesn’t that sound a little out of place?
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
I sent pics to my to be wifey n then she requested a pic where I wasn’t sitting down, later she told me her family was wondering why I am sitting in all pictures and if I am Lunggraa.
On a serious note this really nice amazing young doctor recently got married and the boy was namaard and that was so incredulous that he would go thru the marriage to such an amazing girl and all the expense n all. What was he thinking.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
I don’t know this girl personally so I don’t know too many details. She lives in a different state and is very close friends with a girl I’m friends with (they were college room mates, went to medical school together, my friend was a brides maid at her wedding etc.). I met her when she came into my city to attend my friend’s wedding and during the reception, I overheard another girl say something like “Oh is that the girl whose husband committed suicide.” So a few weeks later I asked my friend about it and she told me the story. Her name still comes up now and then (when my friend visits her).
I’m told she found out about the mental illness b/c she saw the meds a once they started living together after the wedding. It seems unbelievable that being a physician wasn’t enough to keep him on his meds regularly but I’ve seen professionals like doctors, lawyers etc. do crazier things. I agree that this is a rare situation but I think it highlights why people are so hesitant to marry someone with a mental illness.
The good thing is that she has put the trauma behind her (or so it seems). Almost 3 years after the suicide, she re-married and had a baby last year.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
Its such a materialistic world out there . I have seen so many marriages fail around me in the past few years. The relationships that do work are mostly those where both parties have something to offer to each other , or one person is compromising to the tee . In few cases , genuinely, love and sincerity keep the marriage intact too .
I have friends where they married people from back home , and , out of 6 of them , 4 have divorced or separated and 2 are alhumdullillah happy . Funny thing is ( this could be a coincidence though ) that the marriages where the girl was british and guy from india or pakistan , they ended up in divorce shortly afterward ! The two that are going strong , the girls were Pakistani and bangladeshi origin and thier husbands british
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
My distant relative contracted polio as a child and has a limp. She’s incredibly beautiful but remained single until the age of 34 because no one wanted to marry her. She ended up marrying her sister in laws brother, who- from what we heard- apart from coming from a well known family, wasn’t much of a catch, i.e. Education, work, ambition, etc.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
That is impotent, I was in such a disbelief that they would go thru with this elaborate deception. Were they thinking that since divorce is such a stigma and desi girls are sacrificial lambs that she would just stay with him.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
Everything in life seems transactional, though, this Pakistani doctor I know married a very beautiful mixed race lady, tall, skinny gonna color, she had a foot problem. The guy was short, dark n bald he wasn’t gonna get a beautiful girl otherwise.Sad thing is that 2 of the children now have the same problem.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
I’ve seen this as well… it seems that Pakistani girls find it easier to adjust to Western men. I assume it’s because most of the time they’re going from a more restrictive environment to less of one.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
Yes . But also because I think in desi culture , girls are taught immensely about compromising . They see it happening around as well in the form of mother or aunty or other women in the family .
They start telling the girls from an early age that girls have to compromise and adapt to what their husbands want or like . divorce is also severely discouraged . Hence why girls find themselves in a challenging role and try to make it work much better . In many cases eventually it does work out to be better.
Re: Marriage of Individuals with Challenges in the Desi Community
Well there were these 8 very religious guys who were arrested for raping a gori in Austria and thousands of other religious guys who assaulted women in Cologne I am not sure where their direction went? Most of the extremists use religion to do heinous crimes against humanity so I am not sure we can substantiate that religion gives direction. Many non religious people have a lot of direction and a lot of morality.