What retarded bs is that! I’ve heard some people say that a marriage isn’t a ‘real’ marriage till the couple has kids. Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought a marriage was a real marriage once the nikaah papers were signed by both parties. Not only that but some dumb people actually say that if a couple is having problems, arguing, fighting, etc then they should have kids right away so that it can ‘solidify’ the marriage and that they won’t fight anymore and the marriage will not end in divorce. Am I the only one that thinks that’s the dumbest thing ever? Is there anyone here who actually believes this?
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
In a way that is true. I guess the ones who say/believe this, feel that since you don't have children holding you together, the parties can break apart any time soon. or at least its easier to break up when there aren't children involved, and maybe to some extent that is true....
having a child does change everything... ideally the pregnancy/childbirth/childcare should bring a couple closer together....knowing that you've made a nother human being...
of course that isn't always the case and ppl with children break up all the time...
And why do they say a child is a solution to a problematic marriage? B/c traditionally the couple will set aside their differences in favor of the child...However, I don't agree to this. Unfortunately when you bring a child into a troubled marriage, in a way it makes things worse.
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
First, a troubled marriage should never be "solidified" by having children. If there are problems before children then theres MOST likely going to be even MORE troubles after.
Its easier to dissolve a troubled marriage before kids. Once you have children with a marital partner, you are linked to that partner forever, like it or not. And when you have children and you divorce, you surely impact the children greatly. Even in an amicabe divorce, the parents live apart and this has an impact on the kids.
When you love your partner deeply and you have children together, it DOES actually solidify things. But this is when everything is fine to begin with. Having children to solve a problem only creates more problems. Having a child to solidify and expand the love thats already there is the biggest blessing that anyone could ever experience.
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
i dont think it gets any1 closer it jst makes getting out more complex :D so yeah works most of the time :@:
oh and dont jump on my throat its jst my twisted opinion.
First, a troubled marriage should never be "solidified" by having children. If there are problems before children then theres MOST likely going to be even MORE troubles after.
Its easier to dissolve a troubled marriage before kids. Once you have children with a marital partner, you are linked to that partner forever, like it or not. And when you have children and you divorce, you surely impact the children greatly. Even in an amicabe divorce, the parents live apart and this has an impact on the kids.
When you love your partner deeply and you have children together, it DOES actually solidify things. But this is when everything is fine to begin with. Having children to solve a problem only creates more problems. Having a child to solidify and expand the love thats already there is the biggest blessing that anyone could ever experience.
You put it so much better than I did.
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
That is the stupidest effing thing I've ever heard? Where did you come up with this rubbish?
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
Marriage can be hard and kids are harder. You need to have a good, solid marriage to bring kids into the mix else thing get miserable to the power of 2.
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
How come people don't understand that? I've seen people who got married, had problems, had kids, and either got divorced or are still having major problems.
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
I know a couple that went through an adoption to try and make their marriage work. They couldn't have kids and people (his sisters) said that was the reason they didn't get on. So they went through all the hassle of adopting - divorced a year later. He kept the adopted child and went on to marry someone who already had kids and she's remarried and had a baby straight away. MashaAllah both really happy now.. Could have saved themselves 10 years of heartache...
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
^ cuz those ppl think that keeping a marriage is the most important thing whether ur happy or not. it doesnt matter for them.
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
So let's say you're in a rocky relationship, but there are a few bright and sunny moments. Moments which...to put it tactfully....result in a munna (ya munni...'s all gud)
but the relationship still sucks
now what?
do we need to teach married ppl to control thier sex lives toO?
If you don't have a good relationship don't bring children into life to make it more complicated.
So let's say you're in a rocky relationship, but there are a few bright and sunny moments. Moments which...to put it tactfully....result in a munna (ya munni...'s all gud)
but the relationship still sucks
now what? do we need to teach married ppl to control thier sex lives toO?
This is really one of my bug bears - people that say they really don't like their spouse but produce child after child. If you don't like them don't have a physical relationship.. If you like them enough to have a physical relationship, learn to get on with them in other ways too... I know I'm speaking as an unmarried girl but really how can people do that with someone they claim to hate/dislike...
Re: Marriage isn’t solidified till you have kids
First of all I highly doubt that many woman are actually **forced **to have sex and pop kids…
I think after years of being told that they have to keep ourselves “pure” to tell them that they have to control themselves AFTER being married as well, surely won’t sit well with many married people. I dont think it would.
Maybe this is a topic for diff threads..
yoo hoo..mods…
oh wait. 
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
I know neither party is probably being forced - the point i'm making is how can they want to do that with someone they don't like..
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
the cage of marriage isnt padlocked until you have kids.
- queer, summer of 2009
I know neither party is probably being forced - the point i'm making is how can they want to do that with someone they don't like..
I dunno
marriage is full of moments of like and dislike :D
Re: Marriage isn't solidified till you have kids
yeah i just took a class on all this stuff, having kids when a couple is already having problems will only make things worse
the cage of marriage isnt padlocked until you have kids.
- queer, summer of 2009
LOL