Suppose, if your family doesn’t let you marry the one you wanted and get you arranged marriage with someone else. Do you still have feelings for your love after shadi and do they stay for longtime? what if the boyfriend was a family member and u will bump into him and ur relationship lasts for 4yrs?
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
why wont they let u marry the one u love :(
If you're currently married to someone else, then there is little that you can do, right? Running back to your boyfriend is going to create more problems. What are the chances of you getting back together with your boyfriend? They are very slim. If you continue to live in the past, you won't be able to get to know your husband. Get to know him. He might be a nice guy. You might find he's better than your boyfriend and that things have worked out for the best. You have the choice of living in the past or you have the choice of accepting the situation, moving forward, and making the best of this relationship.
I know many girls who have moved on successfully after getting married and they are happy. And I've heard a few stories where people have not been able to move on. It can go either way. And if you are in this situation, I sympathize with you. I fully understand that it's hard to adjust your feelings especially when they are strong. You can't turn off your feelings like a light switch and many times while your mind tells you what is the logical thing to do.....it's tough to get the heart and mind on the same page. That's why there is the popular saying that , "The heart has reasons that reason doesn't understand."
It is challenging to move on, but I've seen girls and guys move on and get married to others and live happily. So, it's not impossible. You can achieve that as well if you try little by little to make the effort and take things one day at a time. The decision is yours. You can stay behind where there is nothing for you.....or you can move forward where there might be many positive possibilities awaiting you. I wish you the best and hope you find peace and comfort soon:)
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
what if the boyfriend was a family member and u will bump into him?
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
holy shyt you been humping you cousin??
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
PM,
If one is in a scenario where they do have feelings for a cousin or have a cousin boyfriend/girlfriend.........does NOT necessarily mean that any humping of any sort is taking place. And the same can apply if one's significant other is someone that is not related. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with liking/marrying a cousin. It's a matter of personal preference. Some people are fine with it....others are not. If it were that bad......it would not be allowed in Islam. But it is allowed in Islam. To each his own. As long as a relationship is successful and healthy, that's all that matters.
If your boyfriend is a family member and you bump into them alot......then wow......that would be one hell of an uncomfortable and difficult experience....to get over. I guess the best thing to do would be to limit contact as much as possible without seeming obvious/rude and try your best to focus on your current partner/marriage and make efforts to move on.
Coolgirl.......were your feelings for your cousin mutual? Did he feel the same way about you? Or was it only a one sided affair where only you had a crush on him? Perhaps your parents' reasons for rejecting your cousin were valid. Maybe there is some disharmony between your parents and his. There could be a variety of reasons. How is your relationship with your husband?
Trust me, I know it hurts to move on from things and people that you felt strongly about. But try to take it slow and easy. Just one day at a time. Try to keep yourself busy in various activities, hon. And pray regularly because that will help you find peace. And slowly but surely, the pain will lessen with time.
what if the boyfriend was a family member and u will bump into him?
Curious now why your family wouldn't let you marry him. If you really want to marry him then keep convincing your family! Lol.
But if you are getting married to someone else, then just find a way to move on and learn to live with the past memories. What else can you do? :)
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
Its so reassuring to see girls presenting issues like "will you still have feelings for your ex" and "my best friend is getting married in a week and wants to be back with her ex now" - and then posting whining threads like "my boyfriend/fiance is cheating on me".
I mean arent there two f'ing sides to every story? Unless the guys are cheating on their partners with each other, there has to be a woman in every equation. If these naughty-nelly's start focusing on their own character before pointing fingers, wont we have a much better place to breathe in?
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
Marriage is WAAAAAAAAAAY different from a relationship, doesnt matter how in love you were or are with the person. The commitment and partnership that marriage takes is a whole different ballgame.
Coolgirl, you might have feelings for him for a very long time depending the nature/depth/longevity of your relationship with your ex. Those feelings will diminish over time and someday you might be left with a warm and cozy feeling...or they might mutate into hate/contempt. Eventually, you will move past it but you have to make a conscious effort from your side to do this. Especially if you're running into him at family gatherings.
What happened in the past is done but your future is one you can help. Your husband means a lot more then any boyfriend you will ever have so naturally the feelings will be different too. Dont allow your past to stop you from appreciating your spouse. Otherwise you will miss out on a lot of wonderful moments with him. This is the guy who will see you through your toughest moments so treat him that way.
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
Wow
Only time and patience heal these wounds... but in the meanwhile , please first determine how you naturally deal with problems .. for example some people deal with the problems better when they avoid the issue and time heals them ... others cant heal until they come face to face with the issue and sort it out.
depending on that factor , choose either to avoid going to the same places as your cousin, or , if you naturally deal with problems head-on, then dont avoid him ... instead let your mind and heart come to terms with your present ...
when you try to avoid someone consciously , the feelings continue to remain alive... for them to subside you must accpt that life has changed , circumstances have changed ... slowly your mind will start accepting the new change. In your heart you may never forget your cousin .. coz not just in love , in anything if you want it badly and dont get it ... human nature is you wont forget it and will keep on longing for it ....
ask youself : how does your heart and mind react when you really really want something ( anything as small as a jwellery peice etc ) and arent able to get it ? ultimately your heart starts telling you kismet mein nahin tha , nahin milaa etc ... thats the same process you will go through ... and ultimately you will come out of this phase...
your only conscious effort should be to get to know your husband .... thats wher all your energies should be focused on .....
Good luck.
PM,
If one is in a scenario where they do have feelings for a cousin or have a cousin boyfriend/girlfriend.........does NOT necessarily mean that any humping of any sort is taking place. And the same can apply if one's significant other is someone that is not related. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with liking/marrying a cousin. It's a matter of personal preference. Some people are fine with it....others are not. If it were that bad......it would not be allowed in Islam. But it is allowed in Islam. To each his own. As long as a relationship is successful and healthy, that's all that matters.
If your boyfriend is a family member and you bump into them alot......then wow......that would be one hell of an uncomfortable and difficult experience....to get over. I guess the best thing to do would be to limit contact as much as possible without seeming obvious/rude and try your best to focus on your current partner/marriage and make efforts to move on. .
well she had "feeling" for him 4.5 years. Now thats lots of humping.
Dont tell her to bump into him alot, cuz she has hahahah
what if the boyfriend was a family member and u will bump into him?
Get married and move to another country, where you want see this "Family member boyfriend" :)
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
I cant help but add one more thing here:
If you're not ready and still emotionally troubled because of your ex...PLEASE dont get married right now. All you will do is drag an innocent soul through a lot of heart ache that he doesnt deserve.
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
BB
she is unable to identify her real problem so far.
She is having real hard time getting over him. And she is trying to divert her attention towards some thing else.
To bad he is a cousin, he is going to be around always.
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
PM, I know. But those diversions shouldnt be another guy...they need to be other things or activities.
You never want your husband to be the rebound guy though. Its not just a relationship, its marriage...way more serious.
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
^ I agree.
Off topic maybe, but i'm shocked by the amount of girls i see my niece's age (around 23) that have nothing to do, are bored with their job, so decide to get married. then divorce cos they don't like it. then re-marry!!! Where is the sanctity of Marriage?? Why is it not taken seriously amongst these infants!!! Why do they think it's a game of monopoly or something!!
Ok, rant over.
Re: marriage?... Interesting question.
Get over it !
stop crying over spilt milk ................if a guy doesn't measure up , he ain't worth it !