Re: Marriage in Jeopardy, need advice!
Salaam,
I stumbled upon thus forum and think some of you out there might help me in this situation. I signed a Nikkah (no rukhsati) about 7 months ago and I’ve been pretty unhappy, depressed, and emotionally drained since.
I largely blame backwards Pakistani culture and its de-emphasis of love and happiness. Sadly my family is part of this nonsense. I was definitely pressured by all the members in my nuclear family into marrying a girl who I didn’t particularly like. I was in the States & she in Pak.
First my family got basic facts about her age, education, personality wrong until she clarified everything the night before the engagement. Naive me was hesitant about it, gut feeling said no, but family who I trusted told me all would be good, she was a great girl. A week later they told me I wouldn’t get to meet her till after the Nikkah something I never agreed to when I got into this. Anyhow entire family played down my fears, concerns, and the fact that I wasnt particularly attracted to her or in a rush for marriage. Mom used the emotional card(“je mera dud pita e te suit la ke shadi kar”) and before I know it, in a short 3 weeks, im on a plane to get married.
Long story short she is a good human being but if I was given liberty to meet her first this wedding likely wouldn’t have happened. Since this incident I find myself paying more attention to other women, something I didn’t do before, ive become less religiously observant, and a deep sense of sorrow, sadness and anger at my family overtakes me. In any case I told my family & the girl. They are pretty upset but I dont care anymore. My fam will talk to hers but our relationship has been damaged, maybe for years. As for the girl she tells me she may hurt herself if I get a divorce. Seems like everyone wants to make threats these days.
As a disclaimer I only saw her the day of the wedding, over two dinners and a lunch. It wasnt much time and we had no plan to consummate the wedding. If I end this marriage now is likely the best time for both of us.
I would say, leave her now. Because I am sure she deserves better. I live in Australia and people around me marry after checking each other out for quite a few years. And end up getting divorce quicker than they decide to get married.