Marriage in Islam: obligatory or recommended?

Society Religion & Philosophy
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Title is pretty self-explanatory. According to Islam, is marriage absolutely mandatory, or is it (just) highly recommended? I know it might seem as though it’s a very slight difference, but I still think it’s an important distinction. I would truly appreciate it if someone replying would please, please, please include actual references in his/her reply; if quoting from Hadith, please make sure to mention which one (Bukhari/Muslim, etc.). Thank you in advance.

Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest ~ Holy Quran XIII.28

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[This message has been edited by Dil he Pakistani (edited March 11, 2002).]

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[quote]
Originally posted by Nadia_H:
According to Islam, is marriage absolutely mandatory, or is it (just) highly recommended?

[/quote]

Ibrahim says; salaams to all..

Dear Sister,

Marriage is the foundation for society , meaning without it we cannot be having a society that is governed by rules and regulations that will bring about growth and harmony for all ( young and old)

In addition without marriage and the shouldering of its relevant obligations and responsibilities by man / woman, we cannot be tested to perform as Allah (swt) has so ordained . Thus Allah (swt) had set the rules for its establishment and for its annulment in all scriptures.

Is an Islamic marriage like a Christian marriage?

A Muslim marriage is not a 'sacrament', but a simple, legal agreement in which either partner is free to include conditions. Marriage customs thus vary widely from country to country. As a result, divorce is not common, although it is not forbidden as a last resort. According to Islam, no Muslim girl can be forced to marry against her will: her parents will simply suggest young men they think may be suitable.

** Thus in LIFE, not just in Islam, marriage is mandatory for human beings to first keep the cycle of a progressing society as well as an acceptance of responsibilities and completion of our trials and should be kept in high esteem **

we are warned not to follow the Christians.

2: 235 There is no blame on you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts: ** but do not make a secret contract with them except in terms honorable ** nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is fulfilled. And know that Allah knoweth what is in your hearts and take heed of Him; and know that Allah is Oft Forgiving Most Forbearing.

Again in Surah

57: 27 Then in their wake We followed them up with (others of) Our apostles: We sent after them Jesus the son of Mary and bestowed on him the Gospel; and We ordained in the hearts of those who followed him Compassion and Mercy. ** But the monasticism which they invented for themselves We did not prescribe for them:** (We commanded) only the seeking for the Good pleasure of Allah; but that they did not foster as they should have done. Yet We bestowed on those among them who believed their (due) reward but many of them are rebellious transgressors

Thus the teachings practiced by Catholics ( Christians) are forbidden in Islam.

What Allah (swt) enjoined for mankind are: -

7: 189 ** It is He who created you from a single person and made his mate of like nature in order that he might dwell with her (in love).** When they are united she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy they both pray to Allah their Lord (saying): ** "if Thou givest us a goodly child we vow we shall (ever) be grateful."**

24: 32 ** Marry those among you who are single or the virtuous ones among your slaves male or female: if they are in poverty Allah will give them means out of His grace:** for Allah encompasseth all and He knoweth all things

24: 33 ** Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste until Allah gives them means out of His grace. ** And if any of your slaves ask for a deed in writing (to enable them to earn their freedom for a certain sum) give them such a deed if ye know any good in them; yea give them something yourselves out of the means which Allah has given to you. But force not your maids to prostitution when they desire chastity in order that ye may make a gain in the goods of this life. But if anyone compels them yet after such compulsion is Allah Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful (to them)

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith Hadith 7.3 Narrated by Alqama

While I was with Abdullah, 'Uthman met him at Mina and said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rahman! I have something to say to you." So both of them went aside and 'Uthman said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rahman! Shall we marry you to a virgin who will make you remember your past days?" When 'Abdullah felt that he was not in need of that, he beckoned me (to join him) saying, "O 'Alqama!" Then I heard him saying (in reply to 'Uthman), "As you have said that, (I tell you that) ** the Prophet once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.' "**

Was salaam
Ibrahim

** A happy marriage is the worlds best bargain . **

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Dear brother Ibrahim: jazak Allah for the info.

I have one question though. If a person does not marry (and abstain from haram practices as well) and lives a life of celibacy as choice, what about that scenario? would that be considered sin?

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Assalamo Alaikum!

Procreation is an obligation. The quotations given by brother Ibrahim point to that fact. A very valid evidence is that all the prophets (except Jesus, alaihe salam) married and bore children. If it were not an obligation, surely some of them would have devoted their lives to the cause of Allah and not married.

Wassalam

Rabbeshrah lee sadree; wa yassirlee amree; yafqahoo qaulee.

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Salaam,

To my knowledge, Islam has a very positive and practical stance on marriage and considers it to be helpful for the safety of Iman as well as for the spiritual uplift, still its not mandatory though very recommended.

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[quote]
Originally posted by Sultan Toora:
I have one question though. If a person does not marry (and abstain from haram practices as well) and lives a life of celibacy as choice, what about that scenario? would that be considered sin?
[/quote]

Ibrahim says: Salaams to all

Dear Brother Sultan Toora,
I hope Fact Finder had enlightened you further ( Jazak Allahu Khair Fact Finder, I have been missing your enlightening posts, hope all is well at your end)

Firstly and Foremost let me add

30: 21 And among ** His Signs is this ** that He created for you mates from among yourselves ** that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them ** and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); ** verily in that are Signs for those who reflect **

Ibrahim says: should have answered your question as to what and how important the spouse is in our lifetime.

As to the sin of being a celibate IMHO will amount to being an escapee , which in truth none can actually come to commit unless Allah (swt) had so allowed.

but let me just give you another perspective.

You see, your parents brought you up ( be it well or be it as best as they could manage) , the only way one can learn what it takes to be a parent is by going through those stages of parenthood ( it is a trial for all of us)

Only by this process, every soul has gone through the cycle of being a child, and being a parent in their lifetime.

Thus anyone who chooses to opt out of this trial, has not fully undergone the test that Allah (swt) has enjoined for all of mankind.

Let me add

   31:  34  ** Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with Allah (alone). **  It is He Who sends down rain and He Who knows what is in the wombs. **  Nor does anyone know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: nor does anyone know in what land he is to die.  Verily with Allah is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things). **

Ibrahim says; Thus even who we will marry has been ordained the day we were given life in the womb and that is why we believe in Predestination. There is another ayah to this very effect, but I am unable to recollect it at present, hope I will be able to recollect it soon , Insha Allah

Regards
Ibrahim

** Marriages are made in heaven, but the married couples are responsible for maintenance **

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I don’t disagree at all with the above.

However, given that there are signs that we are living in the final days, some people ought to agree that our unborn children will be subject to food shortages, diseases, epidemics, unemployment, and a highly degraded environment and climate.

In addition, probability that they will make good Muslims or any other faith for that matter is low (be it east or west). And when they grow up, they will blame us for what they couldn’t achieve.

Those who may agree may help keep some balance in society.

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Marriages are made in heaven, but the married couples are responsible for maintenance

I need a reference on this. Many of us believe in this, but based on what?

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Jazak Allah Brother Ibrahim.

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[quote]
Originally posted by Different:
Marriages are made in heaven, but the married couples are responsible for maintenance

I need a reference on this. Many of us believe in this, but based on what?

[/quote]

Ibrahim says : salaams to all

35: 11 And Allah did create you from dust; then from a sperm-drop; then He made you in pairs. ** And no female conceives or lays down (her load) but with His knowledge. Nor is a man long-lived granted length of days nor is a part cut off from his life but is in a Decree (ordained). All this is easy for Allah.**

Sahih Muslim Hadith Hadith 6392 Narrated by Hudhayfah ibn Usayd

Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) said: When the drop of (semen) remains in the womb for forty or fifty (days) or forty nights, ** the angel comes and says: My Lord, will he be good or evil? And both these things would be written. Then the angel says: My Lord, would he be male or female? And both these things are written. And his deeds and actions, his death, his livelihood; these are also recorded. Then his document of destiny is rolled and there is no addition to and subtraction from it. **

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith Hadith 1.315 Narrated by Anas bin Malik

The Prophet said, "At every womb Allah appoints an angel who says, 'O Lord! A drop of semen, O Lord! A clot. O Lord! A little lump of flesh." Then if Allah wishes (to complete) its creation,** the angel asks, (O Lord!) Will it be a male or female, a wretched or a blessed, and how much will his provision be? And what will his age be?' So all that is written while the child is still in the mother's womb."**

4: 34 ** Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. ** Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct admonish them (first) (next) refuse to share their beds (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High Great (above you all).

2: 240 ** Those of you who die and leave widows should bequeath for their widows a year's maintenance and residence;** but if they leave (the residence) there is no blame on you for what they do with themselves provided it is reasonable and Allah is Exalted in Power Wise.

2: 241 ** For divorced women maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous.**

Was salaam
Ibrahim

** people in happy marriages don’t have fewer conflicts than others, but they’ve learned how to cope with them more effectively. **

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Reference required for "Marriages are made in Heaven"

Choosing a marriage partner is a trial as well, we are instructed to choose our marriage partner based on a criteria. Please do not confuse actions of an individual with Qadar/destiny. There is a big difference in between the two.

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[quote]
Originally posted by Different:
Reference required for "Marriages are made in Heaven"
[/quote]

Ibrahim says : salaams to all

35: 11 And Allah did create you from dust; then from a sperm-drop; then He made you in pairs. ** And no female** conceives or lays down (her load) but with His knowledge. Nor is a man long-lived granted length of days nor is a part cut off from his life ** but is in a Decree (ordained). All this is easy for Allah. **

Sahih Muslim Hadith Hadith 6392 Narrated by Hudhayfah ibn Usayd

Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) said: When the drop of (semen) remains in the womb for forty or fifty (days) or forty nights, the angel comes and says: My Lord, will he be good or evil? And both these things would be written. Then the angel says: My Lord, would he be male or female? And both these things are written. And his deeds and actions, his death, his livelihood; these are also recorded. ** Then his document of destiny is rolled and there is no addition to and subtraction from it. **

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith Hadith 1.315 Narrated by Anas bin Malik

The Prophet said, "At every womb Allah appoints an angel who says, 'O Lord! A drop of semen, O Lord! A clot. O Lord! A little lump of flesh." Then if Allah wishes (to complete) its creation, the angel asks, (O Lord!) Will it be a male or female, a wretched or a blessed, and how much will his provision be? And what will his age be?' ** So all that is written while the child is still in the mother's womb." **

Ibrahim says: Brother different, kindly read the ayah again and again, if you still cannot understand, seek help from Allah (swt) by contemplating after you have done some additional prayers for your own benefit. Insha Allah.

was salaam
Ibrahim

** Stop looking for love; start being lovable. **

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Narrated by Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
002.221
YUSUFALI: Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.
004.025
YUSUFALI: If any of you have not the means wherewith to wed free believing women, they may wed believing girls from among those whom your right hands possess: And Allah hath full knowledge about your faith. Ye are one from another: Wed them with the leave of their owners, and give them their dowers, according to what is reasonable: They should be chaste, not lustful, nor taking paramours: when they are taken in wedlock, if they fall into shame, their punishment is half that for free women. This (permission) is for those among you who fear sin; but it is better for you that ye practise self-restraint. And Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.
005.005
YUSUFALI: This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).
033.049
YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! When ye marry believing women, and then divorce them before ye have touched them, no period of 'Iddat have ye to count in respect of them: so give them a present. And set them free in a handsome manner.
033.052
YUSUFALI: It is not lawful for thee (to marry more) women after this, nor to change them for (other) wives, even though their beauty attract thee, except any thy right hand should possess (as handmaidens): and Allah doth watch over all things.
060.010
YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! When there come to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them: Allah knows best as to their Faith: if ye ascertain that they are Believers, then send them not back to the Unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the Unbelievers, nor are the (Unbelievers) lawful (husbands) for them. But pay the Unbelievers what they have spent (on their dower), and there will be no blame on you if ye marry them on payment of their dower to them. But hold not to the guardianship of unbelieving women: ask for what ye have spent on their dowers, and let the (Unbelievers) ask for what they have spent (on the dowers of women who come over to you). Such is the command of Allah: He judges (with justice) between you. And Allah is Full of Knowledge and Wisdom.

And you claim that "Marriages are made in Heaven"?

Choosing a partner for marriage is a trial itself and you will be questioned for the reason you chose the person you wanted to marry! Its clear from the Hadith that if you marry some one for a quality other than character then you'll be a loser.

The verses that you have quoted do not support your claim that "Marriages are made in Heaven".

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067.002: He Who created Death and Life, that He may try which of you is best in deed: and He is the Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving;-

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074.031 : And We have set none but angels as Guardians of the Fire; and We have fixed their number only as a trial for Unbelievers,- in order that the People of the Book may arrive at certainty, and the Believers may increase in Faith,- and that no doubts may be left for the People of the Book and the Believers, and that those in whose hearts is a disease and the Unbelievers may say, "What symbol doth Allah intend by this?" Thus doth Allah leave to stray whom He pleaseth, and guide whom He pleaseth: and none can know the forces of thy Lord, except He and this is no other than a warning to mankind.

074.038 : Every soul will be (held) in pledge for its deeds.

Life is a test, and all the decisions that we make will determine whether we are eligible for Heaven or shall we dwell in Hell?

Life is a Test, time in which to finish the Test is (Birth till Death), each test is different than that of the other (no cheating allowed) Destiny is a set of questions and our Actions/deeds basically represent answers which if based on our Course Book (The Quran & Sunnah) shall determine the Result (Heaven or Hell) on Judgement Day.

Brother Ibrahim I hope you understand what I mean.

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[quote]
Originally posted by Different: The verses that you have quoted do not support your claim that "Marriages are made in Heaven".

[/quote]

Ibrahim says: salaams to all

Dear Brother Different,

You have gone to lengths to talk about matters without understanding simple things.

First, WE (human beings) are on trial ( that is why we are on this planet) ** not Allah (swt) , For Allah (swt) He knows the end from the beginning. **

Second When one says “marriages is made in heaven”, one means your relationship ( marriage contract) with who ever your wife will be was already recorded in that women’s records of affairs which was established in the womb on the day of her creation ( read the hadiths again) . Who she will give birth to and who will provide for her ( her husband) is also recorded therein. (read the ayah again)

Marriages are made in heaven simply means that Allah (swt) knows who you will end up marrying

Hope that helps

And remember ** it is Allah (swt) who knows best,** that is why I suggested you seek his help with patience , prayer and endurance to understand why Allah (swt) revealed such ayahs as quoted by me earlier.

Was salaam
Ibrahim

** In marriage, prefer: the person before money; virtue before beauty and mind before body. **

[This message has been edited by Ibrahim (edited March 15, 2002).]

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oops

[This message has been edited by Ibrahim (edited March 15, 2002).]

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Jazak Allah, Ibrahim and diffrent for the references..

now the idea is quite clear to me, atleast..

Thanks

Dont think "you can" know "you can"
.::. ¢¼ ﷲ ﻼﺃ ﷲﺃ ﻶ ¢¼ .::.

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Salaam
I may be perceiving this in the wrong light but perhaps this is why people say that marriages are made in the heavens:

Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; in that are signs for people who reflect. Qur'an [30 : 21]
He has planted affection and mercy between you. Qur'an [30: 12]

I apologize if this irrelevant to what is being addressed.

Allah Hafiz