I’ll get to the point, there is a big phat rishta problem here in the west and my mum wants me married by next year and wants a good rishta desperatley, she told me if there isn’t anyone by Nov 2008 then we are taking you back to Pakistan and get you married off to whome we think is the best without your consent, which is completely against my personal law!.
However i am gettin really stressed, depressed day by day as time flies, i do not want to be in a partnership with someone i don’t like, iv tried explaining to her but she won;t listen and told me that i am gettin old and i should learn to compromise with life etc etc.
Ok so heres the important part, there is someone that i actually like who is kind of a friend, he is very down to earth, modest & a practicing muslim and is also in search for a partner - he asked me last year to consider him for marriage but i wasn’t ready since i was only 20, but i am terrified and embarassed to ask him to consider me now, but i am in a position that i may undergo force marriage so i need to do something about it and smarten up. My friends have told me to ask him via email but im just too scared…i don’t know what to do.. how should i approach him?..I am so muddled up and stuck with all this marriage problem that i just don’t know what to do, i have 1 year and as we all know time is ticking hell fast.
Please Help…
gosh...well maybe e-mail him saying that you had asked sometime back, though I really admire you but at that time i was kind of preparing myself and evaluationg if i am ready to accept this responsibily or not. Anyhow, now I think I am so I want to know if you are still interested in us getting to know each other more?
Maybe something across these line...
^^ heaven sake don’t write anything like what Lusi advised , just first try to meet him couple of times in line of your new mind change and see if he is still interested or not .
if yes , hopefully , finger cross’d ! then lead your relationship to the point where you want it to go . I say it should take couple of months .
Just play it bit wisely and your man will pop the question again insahAllah
like lifeless said, he might even be insulted that a major reason for him being considered is b/c of a "forced marriage".. anyways, try to find out if he's still single
gosh...well maybe e-mail him saying that you had asked sometime back, though I really admire you but at that time i was kind of preparing myself and evaluationg if i am ready to accept this responsibily or not. Anyhow, now I think I am so I want to know if you are still interested in us getting to know each other more?
Maybe something across these line...
Thanks, so maybe something like that should get me started,,,but can i ask should i feel ashamed or would it affect my self-respect, if you know what i am trying to get at because im only 21 and i don't know what to think and how to go about issues like this.
first of all, calm down, you have a year still and inshaAllah you will find someone who is good for you. try to make dua after every prayer that allah help you find a mate that is good for you in this life and the next, it works!
also your friend sounds like a good option, give him a call and find out how is life is going, whether hes still single and looking etc
since he asked you before and you only said no because you were too young then, he might not be offended at all. let him know that you are trying to find someone compatible and ask him if he's willing to reconsider what he proposed a year before
i think meeting him several times over a few months and getting him to fall for you so to speak and waiting for him to ask you again might not be the smartest idea; find out what his situation is, tell him about yours-- that you are now ready for marriage and are reconsidering his proposal and ask him what he thinks
btw you are only 21 now? since when is that old?!?! agh desi parents!!
gosh...well maybe e-mail him saying that you had asked sometime back, though I really admire you but at that time i was kind of preparing myself and evaluationg if i am ready to accept this responsibily or not. Anyhow, now I think I am so I want to know if you are still interested in us getting to know each other more?
Maybe something across these line...
Thanks, so maybe something like that should get me started,,,but can i ask should i feel ashamed or would it affect my self-respect, if you know what i am trying to get at because im only 21 and i don't know what to think and how to go about issues like this, reason i need someone senior to help me. :)
Thanks, so maybe something like that should get me started,,,but can i ask should i feel ashamed or would it affect my self-respect, if you know what i am trying to get at because im only 21 and i don't know what to think and how to go about issues like this.
i dont think you should feel ashamed at all--- you are adults who are considering choosing a partner for life, its not a game and pride should not be given weight. as far as self-respect goes--- i think the fact that you are considering someone again, despite the fact that it may hurt or embarrass you, because you are looking out for your future and the well being of your future marriage is really commendable, it shows you have self respect!
btw you are only 21 now? since when is that old?!?! agh desi parents!!
Thnaks for the reply, Yes i am 21 and my mum tortures me everyday, its gotten from bad to worst, iv been really stressed and can't stop crying because i have no control over my fate!...However the thing is that i don;t have his number but only on msn list,so to get round to him would be via mail or an online chat, but iv blocked him coz i feel embarassed to talk to him :(
^well then unblock him!! ask around, im sure someone has his number or some type of contact, use facebook!
i hope your situation resolves itself and i hope Allah gives some aqal to our desi parents at large, ameen!
Well I don't know why you should feel ashamed, he asked you first and at that time you said you were not ready. I don't think you would lose any self respect. It is not that after saying him no, you were with another guy who left blah blah... so there is nothing wrong you are doing that will affect your image or anything like that.
By the way did you meet this guy at school? Do you guys still see each other, say hello hi?
Thnaks for the reply, Yes i am 21 and my mum tortures me everyday, its gotten from bad to worst, iv been really stressed and can't stop crying because i have no control over my fate!...However the thing is that i don;t have his number but only on msn list,so to get round to him would be via mail or an online chat, but iv blocked him coz i feel embarassed to talk to him :(
lol unblock him and just have a general chat and see what is he up to and stuff. And if he asks you why you weren't coming online, just say that you were busy with school and it is nice catching up with him after a long time...
aray larki now go and unblock him and just have a genral chit chat about how things are at his end, how is your school coming along, and just general stuff. And don't be shy. It is not that you are proposing him as soon as you unblock him.
^well then unblock him!! ask around, im sure someone has his number or some type of contact, use facebook!
i hope your situation resolves itself and i hope Allah gives some aqal to our desi parents at large, ameen!
AMEEN ...He's not on facebook iv tried stalkin everywhere :(