Marriage falling apart :(

[D1DatSmiles]

Re: Marriage falling apart

@Muzna

just because he stops you from leaving doesn’t mean that he loves you…maybe he’s stopping you because he doesn’t want to bear the “I told you so” type of retorts that he expects since he married you against the wishes of his family. maybe he just can’t handle having a failed relationship.

I’m not at all suggesting that this is the case. I’m just suggesting that there could be an alternative perspective.

At the end of the day you shouldn’t be making any decisions right now…not to stay and not to leave.

Heal yourself first. Then think about what you want to do.

@CoughCough

I think icono may have nailed it.

I’m sorry OP. I don’t mean to be a downer. I only know about your relationship as much as you have told here (skimmed alot of it even)

Here’s my question; are you staying with him because you truly love him and do want to be with him and are willing to do alot to make it work? Or is it just you can’t imagine your life without him there?

You guys got married at a VERY early age. Don’t get me wrong here, but I do think alot of the issues here are stuff that you should’ve discussed BEFORE marriage. Seems to me you guys built this castle on a foundation of ONLY love. Like several others have said here, love is not enough to make a marriage work, if it were, I think a lot of people would have different life partners right now (and people, that dosent mean you don’t love your current partners. Don’t grab the wrong side of the blade).

If you are TRULY invested in making this marriage work and are willing to do whatever, well then my friend, start making sacrifices and bending to his will. That’s all I can see working at this stage. He dosen’t want to take couples therapy, he won’t change you might have to. If you say you are willing to do anything to make it work this is what you will have to do. Marriage isn’t a skip down the park with rainbows shooting out of your rear-end.

But why should you bite the bullet? Because you two aren’t willing to compromise, the basis of a healthy marriage.
Why dosen’t he bite the bullet? Dunno. Ask him.

Having a kid very early on may have changed the game, but you having a kid now is seriously a gamble. The odds, to me, are not in your favour. The payout may be huge, but you will lose so so much.

Suppose you have a kid. Things still don’t get better. Worst case scenario, you are now a divorced lady with a kid. A divorced lady in her late 20’s. I’m sure you know enough about our culture that in our community, regardless of where you are, this isn’t an ideal situation.

Sort out your problems (career, burqa, in laws etc) first. The time for children is NOT NOW.

DO NOT HAVE A KID. (not yet anyway)

Ofcourse these are all the things IN MY OPINION that you need to consider. I also agree with velvet. Heal yourself first. Think a couple of times before you take anysteps.

All the very best to you.

P.S I am not married. I know this may rob my advice of any validity but this is just my two cents on it.

I can’t imagine my life w/o him…isn’t that love? I love him, I care for him, but at times when I go crazy with my panic attacks and what not, I just wanna leave…not only him, but everyone. I just wanna hide somewhere.
You’re right, I do regret not discussing this stuff before marriage, but it never crossed my mind then. I guess it IS bcoz we were really young. I have compromised on many things. He has comprised at times too. It’s not like he doesn’t try. We just don’t know what goes wrong where.
You gave some good advice, has nothing to do with being married or not. Many marriage counselors are not married, but their advice is taken seriously by many. So, really, thanks a lot; I really appreciate it.