When we hear the word “rape” we assume the worse case scenario of a girl being captured and used sexually against her will.
Most of us never think of what goes on behind the doors, when the spouse says “no” “stop” or even crying, but the other continues while she struggles to roll away his thwarting constantly till he reaches climax.
Rest assured its only his pleasure and not hers. I’m pretty sure it happens a lot whether we’d like to admit it or not.
Now I wonder if there is any awkwardness after the one sided jack hammer ordeal between the couple.
I had this discussion with a few of my acquaintances who have been in sexual relationships and one who’s actually married has had to suffer this sealed incident.
Sadly, it happens with those who have drunk husbands and husbands who are dominant over the other. Dominance is prevalent in south asian husbands so I’d assume it happens more often than we think.
What can be suggested to avoid this? The women can’t deny it and neither can they fight it since its a binding relationship. What can be done in this case?
I know its a touchy subject so lets see how this goes. It would be interesting to see those who are pro marital rape.
Jitna Diya Sarkar Nay Mujko, Itni Meri Auqat Nahi, Yeh Saab Tumhara Karam Hai Aqa, Mujh Mein Aisi Koi Baat Nahin.
It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.
This s indeed a touchy subject Coco but well its a harsh reality. It is'nt just dominant in South Asian cultures but else where in other cultures too. But in our culture where such topics are considered a taboo no one dare to dscuss it. In Pakistan various women organizations are trying to raise this isue over the years and actually stressing the fact that it shld be considered as rape BUT to no avail.
I am also of the view that sex without consent is rape, infact any sane person, let alone me and u would say the same thing.
But sadly not much can be done about it.
[This message has been edited by lost soul (edited June 30, 2002).]
[quote]
Originally posted by CocoNut:
** It would be interesting to see those who are pro marital rape.
**
[/quote]
I dont think any one would be able to support it with a sane mind. This include people who have actually commited this crime..
Again... we do wrong things knowing that thay are wrong. Actions sometimes are not under control of our minds but under the beast who lives inside all of us.
In America and I think Canada there have been cases of domestic rape in courts where the woman has won. So there is something that can be fixed, its just a matter of how much you are willing to put up with been a marriage. if you are willing to head for a divorce or some sort of counselling then there are definately options but if you just want to let it pass and think of it as part of the marriage then thats a different thing. In this case the woman has the choice, difficult as it may be.
u say that this is interesting but not this is horable when some one come and do this with u no one tell u about this u know why b/c all girls want to forget this moment not again remember.
but i want to tell u one thing maritial rape with any one destroy hole lifenot only the girl but there family tooo.so dont try to ask these type of qusetions plz
I can understand that a topic of this nature may be uncomfortable, but brushing it under the rug denies its existence and cheats the legions of daughters, mothers and sisters of the hope that no one else may suffer like this.
Perhaps...recognizing the extent of this issue (as a first step, at least) may help towards bringing a resolution.
Coolheat: Hmm, ever thought of it this way where a man feels that it is his wife's duty to satisfy him and her consent doesn't matter to him because in his mind thats what she is there for to provide for him. He doesn't believe what he's doing to her is rape since its already been approved under the eyes of people and God (marriage contract). See CoolHeat, none of us have been taught that marital rape is wrong till we learn about it and most of us continue to be under the impression that taking advantage of spouse is ok so as long as it is justified.
Ladki: Throughout history issues such as this one have been brought to awareness just so people as a collective can take action against it. It wasn't a decade ago that unmarried girls couldn't testify to rape without being badgered and casted aside but now there is some hope as there will be for marital rape. So, I do apologize if it has hit the spot but hey thats what TCR is for and by any standard it is a valid question.
Jitna Diya Sarkar Nay Mujko, Itni Meri Auqat Nahi, Yeh Saab Tumhara Karam Hai Aqa, Mujh Mein Aisi Koi Baat Nahin.
It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.
I believe it talks about not forcing onceself on another and not necessarily calling it rape. Also remember the common view about the extent to which you can be forcefull with your wife even when she is doing something wrong is such that you can not cause her harm in anyway, so yes islam does talk about it.
[quote]
Originally posted by PyariCgudia:
**Maybe I'm not allowed to do this...but what does Islam have to say about consent in sex?
I mean, the marriage contract does allow man and woman to have relations, but is there anything about marital rape in the Quran or Sunnah?**
[/quote]
its like this.. the hubby has the right to get satified and his wife must do that for him.
BUT
if she is not feeling well, or soemthing like that, she can say no, and the hubby should be understanding enough to control his desires ...
the wife also shouldnt make it a habit of refusing him, because that'll just make the hubby angry and that might lead to other stuff like, maybe marital rape, divorce, cheating, etc..
[quote]
Originally posted by PyariCgudia: nomaan, for some women, intercourse is painful. That's another reason why women say no often to their husbands.
[/quote]
islamically the women has to satisfy his husband whenever he demands. but the husbad has to understand that intercourse is not only about dharam dharam. it's a process. a feeling. he has to understand the feelings of the wife also. he must understand that intercourse is a gr8 love making process and can be enjoyed fully if both partners are willing.
if it is painful for the wife then the husband needs to do it properly.
in my opinion marital rape exists but how can you punish marital rape? there is no law against marital rape because the nikah give the husband the right to have sex with his wife. it is best that the couple solve this issue within themselves through mutual discussion.
In kitabon main jee nahin lagta
Hum ko sajni ki yaad ayee hai
[quote]
Originally posted by dewana tera:
** ...in my opinion marital rape exists but how can you punish marital rape? there is no law against marital rape because the nikah give the husband the right to have sex with his wife.
**
[/quote]
Finally, we're hitting the point as dewana tera came about after coming through all tangents. Jeez, people how do you justify it. I didn't ask for your definitions of rape. What I asked is what can you do to justify this legal illegality? Just cuz a husband can have intercourse with his wife doesn't mean she has to put out when he wants at will. For those who said its pretty simple laid out like cement, I beg to differ. Its not a "my way or the highway" kinda deal. I'm asking you, if she doesn't want it one night and he forces himself onto her cuz of his supposedly uncontrollable urge to spew himself on her and she can't do a thing about it then . . .
What should be done in terms of punishment? How do we bring this to justice? What can we do to help women raped in a marriage?
focus on these questions and answer
Think of a solution, remember there is no remedy where there is no right. So figure it out and place your input instead of brushing it under the carpet.
Jitna Diya Sarkar Nay Mujko, Itni Meri Auqat Nahi, Yeh Saab Tumhara Karam Hai Aqa, Mujh Mein Aisi Koi Baat Nahin.
It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.
PCG: your right it is painful to them but thats a whole topic on its own about “foreplay before intercourse” and how important it is especially for the female which men don’t seem to understand.
For the rest of you folks, lets use our own moral/ethical system instead of refering back to the Quran/hadith. If I wanted that, you think I’d post this topic here instead of the religion forum? Besides I don’t want definitions/copy&pastes, I want opinions . . .
[quote]
Originally posted by CocoNut:
** Finally, we're hitting the point as dewana tera came about after coming through all tangents. Jeez, people how do you justify it. I didn't ask for your definitions of rape. What I asked is what can you do to justify this legal illegality? Just cuz a husband can have intercourse with his wife doesn't mean she has to put out when he wants at will. For those who said its pretty simple laid out like cement, I beg to differ. Its not a "my way or the highway" kinda deal. I'm asking you, if she doesn't want it one night and he forces himself onto her cuz of his supposedly uncontrollable urge to spew himself on her and she can't do a thing about it then . . .
What should be done in terms of punishment? How do we bring this to justice? What can we do to help women raped in a marriage?
focus on these questions and answer
Think of a solution, remember there is no remedy where there is no right. So figure it out and place your input instead of brushing it under the carpet.
**
[/quote]
don't get me wrong. i don't justify it.
i think the solution is to educate people that it's no fun to have intercourse if your wife doesn't want it.
i have no idea how to punish it though.
In kitabon main jee nahin lagta
Hum ko sajni ki yaad ayee hai
If a couple cannot enjoy sex, they should get a divorce. Anyway, I don't think this type of intercourse can be labelled as "rape"... it does not fit the legal / social definitions of a rape.
You can only paint with the colors you're given...
...so get what you like and like what you have.
If you do not want to use the Quran/hadit then as I already mentioned the law of the land does allow marital rape.. it may not be called that in the law but you can not force yourself on the woman.
Nomaan
could you please point me to where it says “HAS TO SATISFY HIS HUSBAND WHENEVER HE DEMANDS” in hadit or Quran? both parties have a right to be been satisfied because that is partly why the marriage institution is set up… I dont remember it been an on-demand (or is that pay per view) service.
[quote]
Originally posted by hmcq:
** If you do not want to use the Quran/hadit then as I already mentioned the law of the land does allow marital rape.. it may not be called that in the law but you can not force yourself on the woman.
**
[/quote]
Well, hmm . . . like any other law, there comes his word against hers. How could she prove it? How would it hold up in the court of law?
Jitna Diya Sarkar Nay Mujko, Itni Meri Auqat Nahi, Yeh Saab Tumhara Karam Hai Aqa, Mujh Mein Aisi Koi Baat Nahin.
It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.