Re: Marital Problems
Yuhiza Salam,
Situation needs to be corrected once for all. You do not want divorce but you want him to change his attitude and behavior. As you know attitudes and behaviors take long time to get to the point where they are so you also know that they cannot be rolled back with flip of a switch.
I did not bring that into picture yesterday but in Western societies there is one thing which is frequently used which is counseling but you would also know that marriage counseling needs long term commitment from the parties seeking it. Any kind of ations you take now will just be bad aid but not a cure of the treatment of the issues and problems both of you are facing. If you need a cure and treatment of you marital issue you should go for marriage counseling. I know it sounds pretty drastic and unheared of in Pakistani circles but it works. I am sure you are aware of marriage counseling. I do not know if you can find a Muslim marriage counselor in the area where you live.
Just simply you telling your husband what is wrong with him and him telling you what he does not like about you is not going to change anything long term , it might work for few days or few weeks but the things will pretty soon will be back to square one.
Both of you need to work on it and there should be someone to monitor the progress and provide advice on an ongoing basis which is provided by marriage counselors. If you are serious and if he becomes serious about making this marriage work you should bring a marriage counselor into picture who would advice , coach and educate both of you. You might say that this marriage counselor might not know where he is coming from and where you are coming from but those marriage counselors are smart enough to know what they need to know to help you and your husband out to make it work.
I am deliberately not bringing religion and Islam into picture because religion is not at the core of this marital problem. It is his and your upbringing , attitudes and behaviors which are at the core of this marital problem.
Yes I believe in divine intervention and have experienced it so many times in my life and I cannot thank Allah enough for it , but you and your husband have to take actions before divine intervention comes into play.
I am posting a link to Ruqaiyya Waris . She is an expert on Muslim Marriage couseling see if you can contact her and if she can provide some kind of help.
http://www.ruqaiyyah.karoo.net/cvruq.htm
May Allah be your and your husband’s guide and helper. Ameen.