Now we all know desis have near-zero manners. Its a fact.
Situation:
You have a best friend and you invite him/her to go somewhere (you two usually hang out on weekends). The best friend says they can’t make it - too much school work.
You say ok. You keep asking, and they keep shooting you down with the too much school work excuse. Now, they also tell you, that frankly, things are not going well at all in terms of grades, job, etc etc. And that they really need to lay off on the partying so that they can get their work done, and as soon as their boat steadies a bit, they’ll call you up and hang out.
New Years comes around and you invite them to your NY eve party, and they say again, that they have to study for board exams, and its really really hectic, and that their career depends on it. So you say ok.
Then you invite them to a few other events, but they just don’t respond to you. Although they’ve told you again, “hang in there, things are rough on my side and just out of control.”
What is your response to the situation? Will you continue to stay friends with them? Will you patiently wait until their academic problems go away or are you now thinking “this person hates me”. Will you, dam dam dam…invite them to your wedding?
I’d like to see exactly where the bloody desi mentality is on this one. Thanks in advance.
hmm i'd prob not bother with contacting them anymore..
infact, i had a friend who stopped talking to me and stuff and as soon as she found out about me getting engaged, she pretended to be my bestfriend again only so i'd invite her to the engagement... i didnt... im sure she said stuff but honestly, who cares.. if ur friends arent there for you when u need them then they really arent friends..
i do have friends who are busy with their degrees and stuff.. but come on... they're not busy the entire year thru... going out once a month is no big deal.. people who give u excuses all the time and dont bother with calling u back to arrange another timeare not worth it...
PCG, in my life I have discivered that a person always takes the other person to be as he himself is...What does that mean?
It means a liar will always consider the other a liar and a cheat will always consider the other a cheat and a lazy person will always consider the other a lazy person...
Same goes for everything else, because people tend to think of other people's thinking fom their own way of thinking...
In this case I can tell you, that an arrogant and ill mannered person will always consider the other to be the same...
I just think it's funny bc by Lajawab's reasoning, he himself is arrogant and ill-mannered.
PCG -- this has happened to me before too. People change and their responsibilties and priorities change. It may not be an intentional personal thing, but for whatever reason, it seems like this person has more important things to deal with, things that may have nothing to do with you. I guess I would continue to invite/include the person, but wouldn't really expect much, and would not try to accomodate her/his schedule, etc.
I have an exact same friend who just doesn't stop inviting me and I gotta keep coming up with excuses to turn down her invitations because I don't even know her other friends and everytime (which is 2 in total) I've attended the gatherings I've been bored out of my mind. Besides, we were only together for about four months.
The friend is a very nice individual and I really respect her for inviting me countless times, but I just feel alienated and find it boring to be hanging around with her friends. We don't have much in common.
Sadly, I've been invited again and although I've declined, I'm being pressurized into attending it.
So...not one of you would actually ask this person "So what are the academic problems?" or wait a few months and then ask "So is everything ok now? I hope you are doing fine."
Right. So its proper manners to first give the person the benefit of the doubt, and ask them about their problems and show genuine concern (after all this is your best friend).
If they're still not giving you a lift, then take a hint. Yes, no?
The question is, how many desis have enough tact to actually show concern and support to a friend when they're saying "I'm having a lot of problems, and that is why I can't come to your party"...?
if a friend even mentioned the word "problem" id be harrassing them day and night to find out if eveyrthing was ok and then give them the space they needed...
They were best friends. The situation is up in the air, since the girl had her engagement party and didn't invite the friend having the problems.
Lajjo, as much as I know that you're trying yet once more to not-so-subtly insult me, you do make a good point. Maybe the girl automatically suspected her friend of avoiding her on purpose, because that's what she would have done to someone else.
