Re: making breakfast is an issue
whats the requirement of a DIL? slavery?
i dont care how rude or whatevrt she becomes i just want husband on side at all times with me.
Wow....Sh3rY's got competition. :-/
Re: making breakfast is an issue
Making chai = slavery?
rotfl
P.S. I wrote a long reply but as usual it won't make a difference so just edited it out. :/
Re: making breakfast is an issue
The point to be noted is that even though the MIL had to take tea for herself and family, she refused it from Nadz hands. Ouch!!
Re: making breakfast is an issue
does that involve making th breakfast?
and its not just this time hes not on side theres been few times like when his mother was ill he asked me why i didnt boil her water why didnt i ask her to eat? hes the son if he cares so much why doesnt he do it whys it my job? hea not going to ask his mother to make me food or tea if im unwell is he?
Re: making breakfast is an issue
Making chai = slavery?
rotfl
P.S. I wrote a long reply but as usual it won't make a difference so just edited it out. :/
what long reply? id rather read it please :/
Re: making breakfast is an issue
Nadz, are you serious? Come on!! You are her bahu, so what if you ask her for a cuppa, or when she's ill take a bit of care for her? She's your husbands Mom, hence you should have the same respect for her as he does.....it's not rocket science....
it's NOT an equal relationship between you and her, i'm sorry but because she has the mom status she's way up there..get used to it. Things will become much easier...
Re: making breakfast is an issue
Making chai or breakfast for an elder person is slavery? Wow, looking at what's happening to our generation, it scares me even more for when we're gonna be old. And she's not just an elder person, she's your husband's MOM. I don't think your husband's approach is correct, but that does not make you right either.
Re: making breakfast is an issue
Ok HOLD on for a second.. Nadz is making tea for herself and husband, she asks MIL, MIL says no she doesn't want but she's expected to do it anyways? What kind of BS is this? When I make tea for myself I ask around if anyone else wants, if someone doesn't then they don't get it, I don't see why her husband would be so mad at this if her MIL said no. I would actually be angry at my husband if he did that to me. The woman said no!!
I get where she's going with the DIL/slavery comment... I've seen it before where a bahu is brought into a household and expected to do everything and everything for everyone and still get berated by her inlaws. Sometimes I wonder about desis and marriage.
Re: making breakfast is an issue
:k: Very well said!
Nadz: If not for yourself or your marriage, then at least for the sake of your 2 children, you really need to learn how to pick and choose your battles with your husband and his family. Leaving your MIL’s house and moving back to UK was a battle worth fighting…and YOU WON! With this stupid chai incident…whether or not your husband/MIL is right or wrong doesn’t matter. What you need to realize is that this is not a battle worth fighting. With a stupid situation like this…you should just say that you didn’t mean any disrespect and next time you’ll be sure to make a cup for her. End of story.
Also Nadz, there are many women in countries like Pakistan who are literally physically abused, held hostage, and tortured by their husbands and in-laws. The fact that your husband agreed to you moving to UK with the kids is a major blessing b/c he (and your MIL) could’ve easily put their foot down and said “no way”. For you to compare your situation to slavery is a slap in the face to other women who actually experience true slavery. I know you get frustrated at your situation…but PLEASE remember to count the blessings you do have now and then.
Re: making breakfast is an issue
Your hasban is wrong to get mad, but next time just make the extra cup. Then, offer it to MIL in front of him and then hasbaand can't say anything. And then if she doesn't want it, give it to kaam wali, make her happies too =)
Re: making breakfast is an issue
No, you are not required to make chai/ breakfast for your inlaws or do anything else for them....but doing nice things for others....helping them out maintains relationships. Crossing your arms and saying, 'Na-uh, I don't have to so I'm not gonna' isn't going to improve matters. There is supposed to be give and take, flexibility, tolerance, jhukao in relationships. If both parties become stubborn, things won't move forward. Yielding doesn't have to be seen as a sign of weakness. Many times it requires more strength.
Your husband has agreed to move back to England and he doesn't always support his mother; he sides with you as well and is willing to admit when she is wrong. Why can't you meet him half-way? What he asked you to do was not such a huge deal. His approach wasn't the best, I admit. But you could have chosen to diffuse the tension by saying Ill try to do that next time; baat khatam. As I said you are going in March so try to leave on a positive note. Not every issue requires a thread. Let some things roll off your shoulders and you will preserve your sanity, peace, and relationships.
+1
Re: making breakfast is an issue
i know i should feel better than i do. it doesnt help that husbands got a bigger ego/ stubborness than me. in his eyes watever he says is right whatever he does is right.
i dnt understand if someobe says no then no right? unless hes treating her like a guest and guests always say no but ubgive them tea anyway!
Re: making breakfast is an issue
like someone said pick your battles. i dont know if this chai one is worth fighting or getting furious over. yes it is frustrating but you have to learn to let go of some issues otherwise your life will be hell no matter where you live. pick your battles wisely be it with husband, MIL, kids, your own parents, or siblings.
Re: making breakfast is an issue
is everyone picking and choosing battles in their lives? with their other halves?
Re: making breakfast is an issue
yeah you have to see what is worth asking for, something like cleaning the table or making chai is not worth fighting for me. my husband knows i dont make roti and for me that is something i will stick for no matter i am in my house or inlaws or my parents. however, i dont have a problem heating the already made roti. my husband never puts the dishes properly in the dish washer, i have to reorganize them everytime before running the dishwasher, it is very annoying but not worth a fight every other day. so to answer your question, yes we all have to choose our battles wisely no matter where we are and who we are interacting with.
Ps. I am sure there are many things that annoy my husband as well. But again, we fighting and getting frustrated over them 24/7 will only make our life and relationship miserable.
Re: making breakfast is an issue
is everyone picking and choosing battles in their lives? with their other halves?
If I got upset and argued over every-single-thing that bothered me or that I didn't agree with, I would literally spend my ENTIRE day being upset and fighting with others.
So yes, for the sake of my own sanity and my relationships.....I pick & choose which battles are worth fighting for and which ones I need to let go. And I do this with everyone in my life.....husband, parents, co-workers/boss, friends etc.
Re: making breakfast is an issue
is everyone picking and choosing battles in their lives? with their other halves?
Yes. That is called real life.
Re: making breakfast is an issue
If you get upset about every single little thing, then you are the one who will be frustrated all the time. You only have less than 3 months to wait!
Btw I completely understand where you are coming from about the whole chai situation. It is quite frustrating when hubby expects you to be a mind reader and do things for MIL but this was just chai! Just relax. Don't get frustrated about it.
I bet if you made chai for her anyways, she would complain that she didn't want it and now you wasted stuff. However, maybe you asked in a way that wasn't sincere? Maybe she expects to be asked twice? Idk your particular situation.. you have been married a while now so just adjust a lil bit. Perhaps, if next time she says no.. just ask "are you sure? It won't be any trouble at all since I am making it for hubby anyway…"
There were several times when I would be making something for myself or for hubby during breakfast and hubby would ask me to make it for in laws also. I would simply ask them if they would like some and if they said no.. I would say "are you sure? It is no trouble at all" and then they would say yes. I think they just want to be polite by refusing.
Re: making breakfast is an issue
yeah you have to see what is worth asking for, something like cleaning the table or making chai is not worth fighting for me. my husband knows i dont make roti and for me that is something i will stick for no matter i am in my house or inlaws or my parents. however, i dont have a problem heating the already made roti. my husband never puts the dishes properly in the dish washer, i have to reorganize them everytime before running the dishwasher, it is very annoying but not worth a fight every other day. so to answer your question, yes we all have to choose our battles wisely no matter where we are and who we are interacting with.
I wish I had done that when I got married. lol. My hubby doesn't eat rice, naan, or any other kind of bread so I am stuck making rot is for life :(
Re: making breakfast is an issue
its not about 20th march its about husband valueing his parents more obv. would he ever expect his mum to make anythn for me or ask her to make ne tea even if im unwell.
Why your MIL is required to make anything for you? She did not marry you... if anyone then its your husband who should make something for you or arrange for a house worker for you. Why MIL?
One the side note... any DIL thinking that performing daily household work is slavery should be sent to a Brick Klin for a day to see what slavery means!!!