for the inlaws? who makes their breakfast? my husband had a go yday at me well hebasked me why i didnt make their tea as i was makn his anyway.i asked mil she said no she will make it herself however hubby has a go at me for
not making it and that i should have made it anyway or atleast brought the plates and cups onto table. whys he angry ?
this is the crap i dnt want. why didnt i do this why didnt i do that? is this my job? is that why daughters in law are brought home? its nt even my obligation to do this yet im treated like ts my job!
he had abit of a go at me she said dnt make it he said ubshud make it anyway. obv his mum either said somethnnto him or complained or even if not why should i make their breakfast?
its not about 20th march its about husband valueing his parents more obv. would he ever expect his mum to make anythn for me or ask her to make ne tea even if im unwell.
Some people I know, u have to insist that they have something.....otehrwise they feel insulted if you don't insist enough. It's really weird. is she one of those?
Some scholars will say that it's not compulsory for a wife to do housework, so based on that will you not do anything around the house? That would hurt your relationship, not preserve it. Your husband could have handled it in a more gentle way, I agree. But two egoes is usually worse than one.
When you leave for England in March, your husband will be under greater influence from his mother. So, why not try to keep things pleasant during the next two months or so? If your husband sees that you're making an effort, he is less likely to turn against you when his mom has him all to herself (after you leave) and tries to brainwash him ( as you've feared before). It's something to think about.
he had abit of a go at me she said dnt make it he said ubshud make it anyway. obv his mum either said somethnnto him or complained or even if not why should i make their breakfast?
No, you are not required to make chai/ breakfast for your inlaws or do anything else for them....but doing nice things for others....helping them out maintains relationships. Crossing your arms and saying, 'Na-uh, I don't have to so I'm not gonna' isn't going to improve matters. There is supposed to be give and take, flexibility, tolerance, jhukao in relationships. If both parties become stubborn, things won't move forward. Yielding doesn't have to be seen as a sign of weakness. Many times it requires more strength.
Your husband has agreed to move back to England and he doesn't always support his mother; he sides with you as well and is willing to admit when she is wrong. Why can't you meet him half-way? What he asked you to do was not such a huge deal. His approach wasn't the best, I admit. But you could have chosen to diffuse the tension by saying Ill try to do that next time; baat khatam. As I said you are going in March so try to leave on a positive note. Not every issue requires a thread. Let some things roll off your shoulders and you will preserve your sanity, peace, and relationships.
If you're making tea for one person anyway, why not make extra- its not going to make much more effort on your part and it might be a nice way to show your in laws that you're considering their needs too? I realise your in laws don't treat you the way that you'd like them to but you only have a few months left so it's probably better to end on a good note.
i feel like im competing all the time against them for him.
he makes me angry by thinking its ok to ask me to make them tea but doubt he would ask his mother to make me mine.
i dont care how rude or whatevrt she becomes i just want husband on side at all times with me.
i feel like im competing all the time against them for him.
he makes me angry by thinking its ok to ask me to make them tea but doubt he would ask his mother to make me mine.
i dont care how rude or whatevrt she becomes** i just want husband on side at all times with me**.
So this is the actual matter that irks you.
If he once doesnt take your side, then he is bad. If he does take your side then he is good.
From personal experience the quickest way to get husband on side is to be honest but limit any criticism of his family- guys don't take it well and whilst it feels good to vent, he is put in an impossible position- his wife vs his family. It's not a day to day competition, you guys have to get on for life. Have your dignity and treat your in laws well, regardless of their attitudes, if nothing else it'll make your husband happy and more sympathetic towards you.
