Yes, I know any relationship takes a lot of work or effort for it to be a happy, healthy, satisfying relationship. No one person is perfect and no two people as a couple are a perfect match for each other.
But if you step back to before the commitment, what would make you want to make an effort in a potential relationship, whose chances or success are essentially a crapshoot? What are indicators that the potential relationship is worth the effort and what are indicators that it’s a waste of time and better to save your time and effort and move on?
There are some relationships you're born into...such as your family. By default, you have to make an effort to maintain healthy relationships.
Then there are friendships that you choose. These are usually based on commonality of interests, other circumstances.
Then there are the marital relationships. How do you know if you should make a commitment? With a potential rishta, there are some common sense factors...such as family background, education, interests...and there are some "emotional" factors which are different for different people. The commitment comes when the head and the heart are in agreement. How does that happen? There is no out of the book logical explanation for that.
If you have to look for indicators then it is not a relationship worth the effort. A meaningful relationship does not even require an effort. It shines and grows on its own.
What if he doesn’t get my sense of humour, what if our values are not 100% the same - I’m more or less liberal than he is, what if we have different goals for our lives, what if we have different interests? I just don’t want to be in relationship where we’re mutually apathetic - going through the motions of living together, but without the emotional investiture. I want to like him, enjoy his company and then move my way up to love.
I hate the idea of a relationship where we each tick the boxes on our requirement lists for what we want our mate to have, but then have nothing else in common personality-wise and no true enjoyment in the relationship :hinna:
My husband and I have a few common interests and trust me that’s enough. I know couples where their interests are exactly the same and after a while you can’t tell who is the wife and who is the husband
Simple answer . A meaningful relationship does not require any effort, it is automatic. You do not have to work to fall in love , it happens. You do not start by saying OK , let us see umm this guy looks okish , but it will require some work on my part to make it happen. It does not work this way , ask any Laila or any Majnoon .
I have been there done that so I know what it takes to tango.
A sincere question no doubt, but a question you do know the answer too. And considering Life 1 and all its Bollywood addicts you are going to get the answer you are looking for to reinforce pre-existing ideals. But bah what do I know? I am an internet troll :D
Mirch bhai - aap duniya meri nazar sai dekhtay hai! God bless! I’m looking for enjoyable company, soorat is irrelevant to me (or at least not critical), it’s the seerat the intelligence that I find appealing. And I’m not looking for it to effortless - but being in the other person’s company shouldn’t be painful either, right?
Yes, you are a troll - kind of like the one in the Three Billy Goats Gruff story - short, hairy, fat (did I forget something). And I’m not expecting the Bollywood song and dance answers - I just want, well maybe I don’t know what I want
Mirch bhai - aap duniya meri nazar sai dekhtay hai! God bless! I'm looking for enjoyable company, soorat is irrelevant to me (or at least not critical), it's the seerat the intelligence that I find appealing. And I'm not looking for it to effortless - b*ut being in the other person's company shouldn't be painful either, right?*
Hundred and one percent right. It is a torture not a good company.
Hundred and one percent right. It is a torture not a good company.
A friend and I were talking the other day and one of the messages that we get from parents/relatives is, if he meets the "requirements" and you can bardasht him, love and affection and respect will happen. That sounds wrong in so many ways to me. To TLK's point, I would feel as if I was the one to lack sincerity in that relationship and that I wasn't being true to myself and was doing him a disservice.
A friend and I were talking the other day and one of the messages that we get from parents/relatives is, if he meets the "requirements" and you can bardasht him, love and affection and respect will happen. That sounds wrong in so many ways to me. To TLK's point, I would feel as if I was the one to lack sincerity in that relationship and that I wasn't being true to myself and was doing him a disservice.
If you are that kind of a person , who needs that click factor before you accept a rishta then you are doing a favor to him , yourself and your family by letting them know that it will not work that way with you.
We are all different. In most cases desi arranged shadi work like a magic and in some cases it does not. If you know for sure it is not going to work this way for you , then please let your parents and relatives know. It may require lot of effort and convincing on your part to bring your parents to same page as you are , so be it.
Yes, I know any relationship takes a lot of work or effort for it to be a happy, healthy, satisfying relationship. No one person is perfect and no two people as a couple are a perfect match for each other.
But if you step back to before the commitment, what would make you want to make an effort in a potential relationship, whose chances or success are essentially a crapshoot? What are indicators that the potential relationship is worth the effort and what are indicators that it's a waste of time and better to save your time and effort and move on?
His/her family and how sincere the person is and how much they make an effort to sort-things-out and make it happen.
Tell you what. when you will have a relationship worth committing for, you will not remember a word from this thread.....go by your instincts.
In simple and successful relationships, (most of the time) things fall in place automatically. Even if there are things or interests which are not common, you enjoy making room for your partner. Adjustment and quality to "let go and move on" are the key to the success of any relationship, be it the one we were born in or the one we created (like friends/spouse)
