Re: Mai kia karoo?
Say it again buddy...say it again
Re: Mai kia karoo?
how did you come to that conclusion? 
Re: Mai kia karoo?
I would restrict my response to the title only.
IMHO. You wait and see. If he is the one Allah has chosen for you, to woh tumhein mil jaega, naheen to woh tumhara tha hee naheen.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
I'm sorry, but only ignorant (jaahil) parents believe in the caste/zaat system. I'm not trying to insult you but if your parents insist that you can't marry someone from a different zaat, then clearly, your parents' judgement is very skewed. In that case, shouldn't you make your decisions? Do you really want someone who believes in the caste/zaat system, someone ignorant, someone who doesn't believe in their own religion that says that all men/women are created equal, do you want these people making decisions that will affect the rest of your life? Why still put trust in the judgement of such misguided parents?
Re: Mai kia karoo?
Even bigger idiots than those who crudely criticize other folks’ religious beliefs and practices?
Re: Mai kia karoo?
aahmed: err.. cuz they are parents? they feed u, work their ass off for u, bear all the hardships to provide u with luxurious life, sacrifice million things for u. they love u, they care for u. so what if they are misguided n are bound by traditions or whatever. i wud sacrifice my life for my parents, no matter how stupid the cause is. leaving ur family, disrespecting them no matter how un reasonable they are for a guy who came into ur life after what u're parents have done for u for the past 20 something years, is certainly not worth it. i'd rather not be selfish than be a cause for a single tear in my mother's eyes. but then, thats just me. i just love my parents very much, i wud never destroy what i have with my parents for some guy i met jumma jumma ath din. i can't believe how quickly ppl tell others to leave parents n all that ****, i still remember a time when my one of my parent had simple food poisoning, it wasnt a big thing, lekin meri aadhi jaan nikal gaee thi. hairat hoti hai aisay logo par jo inti asaani say kehdai tay hai k parents ko chor do etc.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
Seekers of divine data packets to simplify the decision making processes are at the head of the class if you ask me.
I wonder why are you getting so defensive about such superstitious practises? Did you do an istikharah before your engagement? Tell the truth.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
^ my parents didnt, but the practice is very common in my family. doesnt mean they are wrong in doing so. if it helps them make some decision, good for them. everyone needs advices, suggestion n if that helps them in anyway.. so let it be. its not effecting anyone in anyway. why be judgemental when u dont understand something that makes sense to them?
Re: Mai kia karoo?
I agree with aahmed, although his words are harsh but he is making a point.
Parents do provide for their children, raise 'em and feed 'em, but to expect something in return is selfish.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
I agree with aahmed too. It's one thing to stand by your parents. It's another thing to hurt another human being who you get along great with just to make your parents happy - and what will make them happy? Rejecting someone due to something superficial, i.e. caste system, skin complexion, social status, how much money the other sides family has. It's so easy for you to just sit there and judge. I have been on the receiving end of this kind of thing. You have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have someone tell you one day they love you and the next day you aren't good enough for their family and their parents disapprove cause you don't drive a fancy car or some other stupid excuse. Yes, that's all it is ... an excuse.
If you really love someone, you should stand by them through thick and thin. If you don't have the backbone to deal with this kind of thing or your parents opinion is going to override everything else, you should NEVER get involved with the other person in the first place.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
Mehnaz,
Good advice...but riddle me this...how do you figure out if you have the backbone or not without actually being in the situation?
I don't think anyone can really know what they will do for their love or their parents, until such time as they are in love.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
The caste system is all wrong. Any such pathetic issues are wrong. But making such a decision whether to choose the guy you love or your parents - try to make things work out so you dont have to choose between the two. Dont hurt your family for the guy.And dont hurt the guy for the family. :)
its impossible to know what situations will arise in the future. Best of luck.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
I agree Muzna. You don't know until the time comes. However, if you know beforehand that your parents approval is what you ultimately need to actually commit, wouldn't it make sense to get their approval BEFORE getting involved? Why put the other person through all that unnecessary and avoidable pain?
Re: Mai kia karoo?
and it isnt selfish to only think about ur self? n if parents doesnt matter.. well why open this thread, just elope get married n put an end to ur misery.
like mehnaz said, dont get into these things if u dont know before hand how ur parents ( if they matter at all) will react to it.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
Caste system is totally unislamic and unjustifiable by any means. Even then, I would think very hard about the consequences of going against your parent's wishes before making any rash decisions. Number one question, is this guy worth it? Because he may well be the only support you have down the road. That is a very vulnerable spot to be in. Tough decision. Best of luck.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
Caste system is unislamic, we got the point! now what?
Re: Mai kia karoo?
If parents love me then they will let me have what I want!
Re: Mai kia karoo?
I agree with you, I dont know why soo many desies have this caste thing. If my parents said no that would never be the end of it. What is a person suppose to do submit to their parents every command? If I let my parents control my life they would do it till the day I die. But sometime you have to stand up to them and stand up to what you believe in and what you want. Its only the weak that submit.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
Deewani Larki,
This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna call up (or write an email to) the guy (that you like but are not going to marry) and you're going to tell him the truth. Honest, straightforward truth. No hanky panky. It's your obligation to give him closure. That's the least decent thing you can do amidst the misery you're wallowing others into.
As far as you and your family is concerned, well, you've caught me at a bad time. Normally I won't be decent to people like yourself but I'll say this: Do not come in here and play victim. You're not a victim and you're not sincere with the guy you're leaving and the guy you're going to marry. Both of them. You're about to potentially ruin two lives and they both don't have the slightest idea. You want to play victim because you want to get off the guilt feeling. Best way to do is to hear from others who'd be preoccupied with your "dilmma". This is a facade. You're weak and you're a tyrant because of your weakness. You're confused and you're selfish because of your confusion. You want to go off with this guy with the feeling that "ah! I did everything in my power I'm just a victim of circumstances but I'd try to make best of life as it is obligated upon me". This "dutifulness" will give the morale that will get rid of the guild feeling but your husband-would-to-be will never know this. He will never know that you are marrying him but your heart and soul is somewhere else. On the other hand, the guy you love will wallow into misery of coming up with reasons and questions and answers to what went wrong? What did he do? And imagine thousand different things.
You're no ^%%$$### victim and you know this in your heart. You know what the right thing to do and you know that in your heart as well. Everything else is plain simple bullsh!t and a way to get rid of guilt feeling.
Re: Mai kia karoo?
^ Roman, drink a glass of cold water..man. Come on, ter sapno ki raani wapis aa jai gi