Some of you might be aware of the Istikhaara that I saw and inquired more about it on the religious forum.
It was a very positive Istikhaara but now, nothing is going right.
The guy that i am interested in and really like, I am not gonna be able to marry him. My feelings have gone downhill. I cannot think straight and I am unable to concentrate on anything.
My parents have said no to whole prospect due to caste clash, and its pathetic in this day and time of age!
What do I do? How do I tell him that my parents are not approving this rishta? Please help!
I’d appreciate your honest views and suggestions/ideas as I really cannot think straight. I cant talk to anyone else at the moment so am trusting on you guys to help me out please!
Sub se pehlay to aap aik du glass pani ka pee lain
Itni dair main 'zindagi ke mahir' khawateen o hazar main se koi, aa kar aap ko bhala sa jawab de jay ga.
I think you should have him talk to your parents. He knows what you don't. He can talk his way out if he's honest. You have to know the reason for your parents' disapproval. Besides, if the guy has not dissapointed you, then don't turn him down. You may regret later (that's if you ever loved him).
Or, you can talk to your parents and ask them for the reason and then tell him. It should be easy to break it to him, if you have no feelings for him.
Why have your feelings gone downhill? Is it cause of your parents? Is it cause of him? Is it you? Can you imagine your life without him in it? Do you still want to be with him? Or are you just having cold feet? Figure this out first.
What do you mean by “caste clash”? You should discuss this with your parents and explain your feelings and point of view, once you figure out how you truly feel.
Why give up so easy? Of course you want your parents approval, we all do, but finding someone is hard enough and why let things such as caste get in the way? My family is the same way, we marry with jatts only, and about 2 years ago I and a girl mutually liked one another, and my parents flat out refused b/c of the caste thing. I told her up front how my family is, but she insisted I try, so I did, and obviously it was a bust. I was trying to break them down, but she got the hint and moved on and met someone else. We still remain friends and talk often, but for a long time I was bitter and at times resented and hated my family and parents. Why torture yourself . Fortunately things worked out and I met someone else, same background, etc, but dont let him be the one that got away if you like him that much..good luck.
Deewani Larki -- I think you have to think all this through and talk to your parents. Personally I dont think I would be very happy unless my family was also happy. Best of luck.
not necessarily funguy, some families really are all about marrying within the subculture - its not "caste" I dont know why people keep calling it that!
Have you tried pulling out various Quranic ayahs to prove that the whole caste reason will not be flying?
A lot of times, families are afriad to marry their offspring off to the other families outside their circle, because they dont know much about these families. You dont know who the guys is related to, etc... He could be related to some crazy person or to some really evil influential character, etc.
Best that the families at least try to meet.
Caste reasons are totally unIslamic - I would take the argument from that point.
first if you knew you people cant get married to other castes, you shouldnt have gone this way.
but now if you have.
think neutral without being obsessed to get married to that guy! , ie,
is only he can keep you happy?
can you be happy without your parents and go ahead with it??
consider him just as proposal you dont know personaly, what will be your answer then?
if you go alone with it, will he and his family give you respect and dignity ?
even if your parents agreed unwillingly for you, will they be able to give respect this guy??
if all answers yes, then go for it alone even you have to. but key is you have to think about above questions emotionless and stop contact with that person for a while when you deciding.
before going alone with it: try to convince them through a common relative/friend. but careful not many relatives are sincere to get involve this kind of thing. select someone who can be trusted and respected by your parents and you.
Some memon families are like that, yes, funguy. Mine are actually not. I think I'm the only family that really finds memon history interesting. I lucked out. Although my parents do say that they're more comfortable with a memon guy because they would probably know the family and they'd probably be able to find the dirty secrets on the guy more easily. But it would only be for that reason. Its hard to find dirty secrets on a guy whose family is totally alien to you.
I think thats crazy and you should not give up that easy. If you truly love him you should not let anything get in your way. You should let him talk to your parents. That is soo aganist Islam to judge a person by caste or anything like that. I'm a Arab and I'm marrying a Kashmiri. I just thank Allah (swt) my parents don't think along that line, b/c if they did I don't know what I would have done. I will remember you in my duas I swear I will, b/c I know how hard this might be on you.
Caste biases, religious biases same siht...there are stupid people with stupid criteria...some want same village ancestory, some want same god,......idiots all of them.