Besides a monetary value, I’ve heard that brides are starting to get very creative with the mahr they ask for. For instance, a bride may require the marriage contract to say that the husband will take the wife for umrah at least once every 3 years. Or, the couple will take a course together every year.
What types of requirements have you heard of? I’m most interested in the religious stuff.
Re: Mahr/Dowry
in islam mahr is given according to man's financial status. it shouldn't be more than what a man can easily afford. its a gesture of "goodwill" and NOT a bargaing tool in any kinda trade off. mutual love, care and responsibility is of the essence in this relationship.
Re: Mahr/Dowry
... ^ she didn't even mention anything like that. Also mahr should be appropriate to the bride's status. :)
Re: Mahr/Dowry
what exactly do you mean by that? 
Re: Mahr/Dowry
I think Sehrah is referring to the concept that in Islam, a girl should marry a man who can provide her with the status she has been raised in, at least. So it doesn't matter how wealthy the guy's family is, but the guy, himself, should be able to provide the girl with all that she is accustomed to.
Re: Mahr/Dowry
in islam mahr is given according to man's financial status. it shouldn't be more than what a man can easily afford. its a gesture of "goodwill" and NOT a bargaing tool in any kinda trade off. mutual love, care and responsibility is of the essence in this relationship.
I wasn't thinking of the mahr as a "bargaining tool" at all. But from my understanding, some guidelines for the marriage contract are set by the bride, and if a woman is concerned about staying on track, as a couple, she may find unconventional ways of keeping in touch with the religion, as a pair.
Re: Mahr/Dowry
First of all there is a difference between Mahr and dowry. Dowry is an cultural custom of the bride’s father giving her things such as jewelry furniture, what we in Urdu refer to as Jahaiz and this is not part of islam at all. its a cultural custom that many people have adapted.
Mahr on the other hand is considered a gift from the husband to his wife at the time of Nikkah. A gift is given by the groom depending on how much he can afford. Religiously you can not put those conditions as mahr.
Here is a link that might be helpful
http://www.islamfortoday.com/ruqaiyyah07.htm
Re: Mahr/Dowry
I think Sehrah is referring to the concept that in Islam, a girl should marry a man who can provide her with the status she has been raised in, at least. So it doesn't matter how wealthy the guy's family is, but the guy, himself, should be able to provide the girl with all that she is accustomed to.
I disagree, Islam does not require husbands and wives to come from the same social strata or income brackets. Islamic compatibility is based on religious faith and mutual respect, not on money, caste (another Hindu custom), class, background, nationality, etc
Re: Mahr/Dowry
I am adding Hajj in mine.
I have already discussed it with my fiance. Instead of spending on a honeymoon, we will go to hajj wiithin a year or two of being married and maybe take his parents with us. I am really excited (eventhough my MIL and I are totally opposite people).
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:k:
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I disagree, Islam does not require husbands and wives to come from the same social strata or income brackets. Islamic compatibility is based on religious faith and mutual respect, not on money, caste (another Hindu custom), class, background, nationality, etc
Compatibility is also based on two other things: beauty/attraction (which is subjective obviously) and 'lineage' (which is mistakenly twisted into 'must be the same caste' by a lot of desis).. 4 things were mentioned in Islam in terms of criteria to look for when choosing a partner, it's not just down to religious leanings or commitment. Muslimah is right in that the husband should be able to provide the same sort of standard of living as she is already used to, having said that tho of course the girl can forfeit that right and if her husband finds he can't afford the things she wants after marriage she should obviously be understanding. 'It is one of rights of the wife to have a reasonable dwelling place provided by the husband according to the standard that the wife is used to.' It is more about common-sense practicality than anything else tho.. ensuring that the couple are compatible in terms of expectations and lifestyle and so on..
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We know a girl who asked for just a Qur'an..
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this is going to a different level all together!! asking for courses and Hajj (surely that would be farz for both once in their lifetime)
We have never asked from any of my SIL family for anything, whatever they decide to give thier daughters was entirely up to them, and my dad always agreed to whatever amount was asked by their respective family's at the time of nikaah.
I only found out like a few years after my marraige that when it came to my Mehr, my hubbys family asked what amount at the nikaah, and my dad mentioned something like 21 rupees (!) and that in UK!!!! i was like WTH!!!!!!!!
My hubby teases me even today about it
Re: Mahr/Dowry
Mahr should be something that groom can pay to wife...its better to be paid on nikah time but its not Vajib...it can be more than groom's pocket i mean it wont make problem but if wife ask for it or he want divorce wife so he should pay anyhow or he should pay little by little monthly....
Also mahr should be accourding bride's family honor & also its better it wont be too much...but wats much its depend on groom & bride....for a family much is wats so less for another family!....but mainly mahr came that a wife has something in start of life to rely on it....earn from it...or she can provide something for her that in Case husband will divorce her or husband God forbidden will Die the wife can afford her life without problem! so never ever think islam makes a law without reason as islam let men to decide for wive's job so it will make something that if anycase husband wont be there wife wont stuck As in islam girl also inherit less than a boy from her father also....
so it shouldnt be Sky price Nor something so less that u think as wearing a ring in ur hand...but still everyone has its own decision & belifes to choose high ot less or normal...
i added Umrah in my mahr...also a Miror & also a Quran
Re: Mahr/Dowry
I've never heard of anything like this, Haq Mehr is always paid upfront in cash/cheque/gold in my family. If you want to specify things like going on Hajj, doing further studies and things like that, it's just added to the nikkah contract.
Re: Mahr/Dowry
I guess I should've titled the post "Marriage Contract Terms," instead. Some people do refer to Mahr as an Islamic dowry, or the anti-dowry. Dowry used to be a payment to the groom by the bride's family, but Islam requires a payment in the other direction. In sunday school, they always translated "mahr" to mean "dowry," but we were expected to know that the groom was the one paying. A couple of years ago, my cousin mentioned that she knew some ppl who added non-monetary terms in the marriage contract, such as the umrah example I gave above. I had never heard of this b4, but I found it interesting, to say the least. So that's why I'm asking you all if you have ever heard of a couple agreeing to such terms. I think it can serve a good purpose in the relationship, but I also can see these terms causing a fuss for families that are very culturally traditional.
Re: Mahr/Dowry
i added Umarah-Quran & miror in my Mahr not as conditin!
mahr is better to paid in nikah time but its not vajib...i also didnt ask my mahr from my hubby..
also a quran he cane gave same time or umrah he can pay its ticket or etc...its not something that he cant pay onspot...
so mine was included in my Mahr not as a condition...
there is nothing as Dowery in islam...anyone can gift bride or groom family or can skip gift...but mahr should be paid specialy if a wife ask for it & groom or his family cant ask something as they r paying Mahr to bride...
Re: Mahr/Dowry
I agree with you... in Islam everyone is equal... marriage should be based on love and friendship... not who they are and how much money they have in pocket.
Also for Mehr... as per Islamic law the groom is supposed to pay half of the mehr at the time of nikkah and remaining half if unfortunately they get divorced.
Re: Mahr/Dowry
well call it whatever... but groom is liable to pay mehr to his to be wife or you can say newly wedded :) and half of it has to be paid at the time of nikkah and remaining half if unfortunately they get divorced...
but another thing is people try make things difficult... but Islam is way more accomodating then we actually think... and if your future husband is willing to pay you mehr in shape of taking you for Umrah then there is no harm... coz for that he will have to spend money... so you can say that you want your husband to spend and take you for Umrah instead of giving you cash... plus i think its more on the personal level and willingness to do things... some people consider pushed that they have to pay mehr... but if you think other way and consider that it is a wedding gift for you wife with whom you are willing to spend your life with and love her then i guess you should be able to do stuff for her... ofcourse within your afordability.. :)
so yeah i dont see a big issue there
Re: Mahr/Dowry
half of mehr has to be paid at the time of nikkah...