Funguy, this is unfair that you posted this after I had logged off. I have some strong opinions on this subject and would really like to post them but I am going home for 2 weeks tonight and I have to finalize 2005 forecast before I leave so I do not think I will have the time. Hopefully some of "my men" will keep the topic alive till I am in Islamabad and will post from there.
I noticed that the usual suspects are here.
I went back and read all the posts and I agree with what Fayz had to say. Good job man, now I can concentrate on my work.
Forgive me for my ignorance but what would you define as “Khidmat”. I think it would be beneficial for this discussion if we can establish the ingredients of “khidmat”.
For the Guys that expect “khidmat” what are the things that you expect? and where would you as a daughter in law draw the line? His parents staying along with you guys ,Is that your idea of “khidmat”
^
I will tell you what most guys mean by "khidmat". Cooking, cleaning, taking their orders, nodding a yes to whatever they say, squeezing out as many babies as they want etc. I may have missed a few points.
The problem is, guys who say they want a woman who serves his parents, know there is no chance in hell that they would have to do the same for the girl's parents. People, be honest and tell me how many of such examples have u seen? The son-in-law doing "khidmat" of the girl's parents? There must be like 0.01% of such examples in our beloved east. And now tell me the number of women who have wasted their whole freaking lives serving the husband's family. It's just not fair.
Fayz: why is it that just the woman has to try to earn her husband's love in an arranged marriage? Shouldn't the man serve her parents to gain her love? Or the womn should love him no matter what? You emphasize the guy's priorities and wishes too much and forget that a woman has a few wishes of her own. And I really believe the one on one concept of marriage. Marriage is between 2 people. Whatever a woman owes is to her husband and not to his family.( I think Islam doesn't state anything different, though me using the Islamic card here is totally unfair)
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*Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
Whats makes you think the wife wont work?
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MQ, ab yay to ziyadati hai na kay wife kaam bhi karay aur maaN baap kee khidmat bhi karay.
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*Originally posted by Roman: *
MQ, ab yay to ziyadati hai na kay wife kaam bhi karay aur maaN baap kee khidmat bhi karay.
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Do you mean zeyasti ? Akeli toh nahen hoghi, the hubby will be right there to help.
MQ, ziyadati hoti hai, ziyasati nahi. tum sikhni ho kia? ya sikh?
^ It's too difficult for you to comprehend my faith.
before i read the other posts, i want to add my two cents.
Ideally, I'd like to live with my husband for a few years after we get married. I woudln't mind taking care of his parents or my own acutally if they're sick and unable to care for themselves. however, i don't believe that it's necessary to live with your in-laws in order to take care of them.
for me personally I don't want to work after i'm married or have kids, and i would take care of my in-laws liek i would watch after my own mom and dad, but for a guy to expect that, and take it for granted right away, that I think is a bit wrong.
damn and i thought i was going to be the perfect wife 
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*Originally posted by KAKA-ATOM-BUM: *
i think looking after ones parents is an absolute farz... and the guys shouldnt be asking for such qualities, it should come naturally... it should be understood that both the guy and the girl have to look after both the girl's and the guy's parents along with building their own life too.
all our lives our parents looked after us,,, and who else is gona look after them when they are old? I think its an absolute must and I would really appreciate if my wife is caring enough to know it already what our responsibilites are... ur in laws are like ur real parents,,, thats the way i see it,, no one should have any issues looking after them. be it the guy or the girl or be it the guy's parents or the girl's parents.
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I totally agree with kaka. Our parents do so much while we are growing up. The least we can do is take care of them when they need our help, whether it be my parents or my husbands. We shouldnt even have to give it a second thought.
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*Originally posted by Ira: *
I totally agree with kaka. Our parents do so much while we are growing up. The least we can do is take care of them when they need our help, whether it be my parents or my husbands. We shouldnt even have to give it a second thought.
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shabash..Allah tumhara naseeb acha kare
Kaka and Ira I am proud of you two mashAllaha :-)
Chandbeti My hubby is an example here , he is doing "khidmat" of my mom in better way than me , he treats her just like his own mother while for my bro in laws she is just mother in law , it depends on so many things , on they way one havn been brought up ,on your realtionship with your in-laws , Some people still have family values and respect for elders no matter how they are .
looking after ones parents and taking caring is not our farz but we should treat them just like we want our parents to be treated .
I will agree with the opinion that first the son has to perform 'khidmat' of his parents than expect his wife to do anything of that sort. Unfortunately in our pakistani society, a son could be a complete jackass by not performign his duties as a son and still expects his wife to do that for him. It should come naturally in the spouses but sons have to do it first to set the example.
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*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
^
I will tell you what most guys mean by "khidmat". Cooking, cleaning, taking their orders, nodding a yes to whatever they say, squeezing out as many babies as they want etc. I may have missed a few points.
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Well is this not what mostly the parents of the girl as well ask for? I think what you mentioned can be applied to the parents of the girl as well.
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*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
The problem is, guys who say they want a woman who serves his parents, know there is no chance in hell that they would have to do the same for the girl's parents. People, be honest and tell me how many of such examples have u seen? The son-in-law doing "khidmat" of the girl's parents? There must be like 0.01% of such examples in our beloved east. And now tell me the number of women who have wasted their whole freaking lives serving the husband's family. It's just not fair.
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Just because the men do not do it the women should not do it? Is that justification enough?
There are cases where they guys do and did khidmat of the girls parents. There are cases where the guy’s income was the means of sustenance for the girl’s parents as well. The girls brother being helped out financially and in business and her sisters being married completely from the guys income. What do you have to say about that ?
As for unfair. I think it unfair of you to label the lives of so many women as wasted just because in your eyes they wasted their lives.
Girl's parents ask for all that from whom? The son-in-law? :p Parents expecting all that from ONLY their daughters is unfair as well. If they want the kids to do the chores..better ask the guys to do it too.
And YES, just because the men don't do it, women have the full right to deny doing all that. And don't support your theory with solitary examples. Just compare the percentage of such cases.
At the risk of sounding rude, I think you are what your id suggests. So I won't waste my breath here.
so long!
How many families do you know of where all this happened??? Ratio please.
Ladies first. Where are your figures ...
You honestly need numbers to get an idea about that? Look around u (esp if ur in Pakistan) and u’ll get all the numbers u want.
I asked first anyway 
thought so…if my example is a solitary one then your fingers and non existent and why go so far. I have one example in the case of guppy above, where as you have none