question yay hai kay baycharay bhooRay logoN ka kia ho ga? baychara mard after working 8-10 hours at work, taking one day for weekend in a week, how much will be able to khidmatofy his parents?
theres nothing wrong with a man wanting a woman to look after his parents.. if a woman can do that, it shows she can care about someone beyond herself and her family
a guys duty is to take care of his parents too, but if he has a caring wife who can help him with the care, its a bonus and i guess makes life a lot easier
i know so many girls who have problems with their inlaws, even before they are married or have found a guy :halo:
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*Originally posted by Roman: *
question yay hai kay baycharay bhooRay logoN ka kia ho ga? baychara mard after working 8-10 hours at work, taking one day for weekend in a week, how much will be able to khidmatofy his parents?
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Whats makes you think the wife wont work?
FG--- I dont think its expecting too much, I just think its going in a bit of a wrong direction. Personally, I would expect the guy to respect and care about my parents, and I would do the same for his.Its not as if we'll live with his parents.Thats besides the point.
^ hmm what if u did live with his parents?
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*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
^ hmm what if u did live with his parents?
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I see no reason to.I mean if he brings that up, I'll ask why we cant just live with my own parents then.I expect myself to do my own parents khidmat too.
interesting... so u wont even consider living with his parents?
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*Originally posted by Fayz: *
A woman who is willing to show respect is far more appreciated than the one who has her guards waaaaay up before she has even confronted or met the worst from her mother in law.
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exactly! People shun those who don't want to "serve" their in-laws. And who likes a bad name for herself. That is what keeps most women from speaking out. "Laog kya kahenge" factor. One can do only so much out of goodness of heart. Taking care is fine, but with snotty in-laws one can't help but feel like tearing away from them. And in-laws act like a royalty in our culture. Haven't you seen the way women are treated in joint families.
And like Mq said, what if the girl is working for same hours as the guy. His parents are more of his responsibility. And with not staying under the same roof as in-laws, it would just get even more difficult.
If a woman is not willing to give his husband’s family a chance then I don’t know what she brings to her husband’s family. 
In an arranged marriage setup how can a woman earn her husband’s love without showing respect to his family and taking similar initiatives that would make the guy ‘think’ about her. That is how things work in the East…Girls earn respect..it doesn’t come on a silver platter.
In the west..the mindset is a little different. It is more of a one-on-one relationship as you girls have mentioned. A marriage is more like a contract without much of a family baggage. I’m not sure if girls realize but they have to bring a lot more than good sex and a pretty face on the table to deserve love, independence, security and equality with that attitude.
Fayz I do believe that marriage involves the families and not just the couple getting married.But why all the attention on the guys side, and none on the girls? I dont expect myself to go off with him, and leave my parents.Compromise yes, but he'll have to do for my parents just as much as I might do for his.
(sadzz I might , but it would all depend.Im an only daughter, and well Im very close to my parents.It all depends on his and my own family.I dont have any sisters to look after my own parents, and Im really not sure I could go and just move in with his.But I would for sure give it some thought.)
^ This why so many families import girls from the East.
Ideally both sets of parents should be looked after.
M are you accusing girls in the West of not caring for both sides ?
There is a lot of negativity among girls about a guy’s family…. Words like ‘import’, ‘serve in laws’, ‘log kya kahaiN gay’, ‘fear’. Please help me understand….You girls are not even married and your mother in law is not a bitch (yet) so why the negativity.
MQ: I don’t think there is any guy in this thread who has said that he won’t respect his inlaws. Again it is a preconceived negative notion.
Fayz I love my parents so its not difficult to understand that he would feel the same way about his.But as far as khidmat is concerned, I will love his parents ,but he will have to love mine the same.I just think that too much or too little on one side of the family is ridiculous.The married couple must realize the importance of both families ,equally.Im not negative about this whole in laws aspect at all.
No your accusing me of accusing girls in the west of not being caring for both sides.
How did you work that one out?
What I meant was girls in Pak are expected to live with in laws (not just parents), and are taught from a young age to listen to in laws.
The second comment was totally unrelated, no matter where you marry and no matter what the parents are like (obviously there are limits), I think both sets of parents should be looked after.
personally, i dont think respect has anything to do with living with ones parents or not..
if a guy asked me to move in with him to take care of his parents, i wouldnt asume that i am neglecting my parents.. and i doubt my parents would think that im not gonna look after them... looking after ur inlaws (either by living with them or away) is i guess a package deal that comes with marriage... why should it be looked at negatively..?
MQ, just off topic, would ur parents expect ur sons to live with them once they are married? or will they consider moving in with their wives? i know a few guys who have done that.. which is brilliant... but just curious :)
p.s why does it come down to east vs west.. as always? not all western girls are cows to their inlaws.. and not all eastern girls are saaf suthri naik maa baap ki ulaadien.. tsk
The comparison was of the society’s mindset in both parts of the world not the individuals.
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*Originally posted by M: *
No your accusing me of accusing girls in the west of not being caring for both sides.
How did you work that one out?
What I meant was girls in Pak are expected to live with in laws (not just parents), and are taught from a young age to listen to in laws.
The second comment was totally unrelated, no matter where you marry and no matter what the parents are like (obviously there are limits), I think both sets of parents should be looked after.
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Well you were implying something about girls in the East.It all depends what kind of values we were taught by our parents, regardless of where we live.I for one, do agree with the idea that in laws should be looked after.I also think that both sides should be treated equally. Im glad you agreed at the ending, I dont want to have get my sandals.:o (kidding)
Sadzz --- My parents are all for married couples living on their own.They think there are too many problems with the married people living with either side. However, they also think it usually depends on the people involved.So long as all sides are happy, then go for it.
woops.. as usual i missed the point 
i dont really know much about the way girls are brought up in pak, but im getting an idea from my cousins…
totally off topic, why do girls there fear their mother-in-law so much? even before they know who they are marrying? i know females (especially older ones) can be quite intimidating and scary looking… but if given the chance and the love… anyone can be ur friend… no?
p.s i live in a bubble
p.s x 2 MQ, thats awesome :k: my parents dont expect much of me at all 
i think looking after ones parents is an absolute farz... and the guys shouldnt be asking for such qualities, it should come naturally... it should be understood that both the guy and the girl have to look after both the girl's and the guy's parents along with building their own life too.
all our lives our parents looked after us,,, and who else is gona look after them when they are old? I think its an absolute must and I would really appreciate if my wife is caring enough to know it already what our responsibilites are... ur in laws are like ur real parents,,, thats the way i see it,, no one should have any issues looking after them. be it the guy or the girl or be it the guy's parents or the girl's parents.
khidmat is not farz on daughters -in-law but on son!
but its really nice if the Dil cares for her in-laws
infact i try to treat my parents-in-law , the way i want my parents to be treated by their Dil!
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*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
i know females (especially older ones) can be quite intimidating and scary looking... but if given the chance and the love... anyone can be ur friend... no?
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you r right sadzz:-)
everyone can be your friend !
relationship between me n my in-laws have ever been alright ....!
but not special ones
this time i went to pak n both my sis-in -law were busy with their studies n were out of city ......usually i just enjoy their company there but it wasn't the case this time ......me n my kids lived with my parents-in-law
n believe me i did nothing special...but we really enjoyed our time together ....infact we were happy as we got more time for each other ....
n when we were coming back my Mil gave a sweet lovely kiss on my hands .....n a kiss from her is something ....her own daughters recieve in years or so .....(not that she is not caring etc. but she has other ways of showing care)
i still am so happy !