Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
how many of you are actually married??
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I have never understood the difference b/w
being in love with someone
or having feelings of love for someone over a gradual time
how can we not say that a person is not likely to fall for their spouse gradually once they spend a long time with each other and also get to know each other better!
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
^Am sure many ppl can.. (it obviously helps if u like them a bit beforehand :D)
Just as some fall in love before marriage others do after.. Everyone's chemistry is different..
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
hahahah…all goes back to the basic question…what on earth is "love’’ 
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
hehe exactly ! But Deebs many people say that in arranged marriages most people are just living a compromise ! They just grow used to each other and it’s not really love. Maybe for a few but affiliation does grow with time. Heck we become so affiliated with little things such as our cell phones etc 
It’s a real person we are talking about 
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
^Yeah, there's no hard and fast rule imo.. Love and attraction can work in all sorts of strange ways :)
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
That needs its own thread 
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
Living together as husband and wife, you do start to care for each other. But you affiliate or care for your spouse because of spousal relationship. If you were to marry someone else most likely your relationship with that person would have same dynamics.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
Idk, it is hard for me to understand the arrange marriage scenario. I don't mean to say that couples in arrange marriages do not love each other but I can't help but think that it is very circumstantial.
Glad you used the word 'circumstantial'.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I have never understood the difference b/w
being in love with someone
or having feelings of love for someone over a gradual time
how can we not say that a person is not likely to fall for their spouse gradually once they spend a long time with each other and also get to know each other better!
I dont know if there is a way to distinguish the two types of love, but the latter is circumstantial..it wouldnt have happened in a natural environment or in a 'fair marketplace'. it is not based on natural and effortless attraction. it only happened because of circumstances. In the latter case you need to grow into someone. its more conditional type of love where there is co-dependency and give and take. you love the other person bcos he/she has been so good to you, respects you etc.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I never read the book - the movie was a "girls' night in" watch. What surprised me about the story was despite how off-putting the husband was and the fact that horrible as it seems, her having an affair made sense (not that it was justified), at the end she decided that she did love her husband. There was no physical attraction on her part, but it seems the essential goodness of the man he was made her realize she cared for and loved him.
To your question about the younger generation remaining in a passionless but companionable relationship - I think the smart ones would stay in such a relationship since there's no certainty that the next time out in a relationship that they would find both passion and respect - so it's a one in the hand and two in the bush scenario - better with what is certain, than what is uncertain.
Sehrysh, why arent you able to ask yourself the fundamental question that why is all this necessary in the first place? why are you sounding apologetic of and glorifying such relationships? I cannot say if the love that one develops gradually for a person they have no attraction towards is 'less' in any way, but why would one be in such a position in the first place ? do you get the drift ? I hope i dont have to state the obvious.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
love love love... it sort of pisses me off to know that what people call love is no more than a mere fascination or in other words a crush. Who is to say that the person you "love" right now, you will not have a falling out 4 or 5 years down the road just as who's to say you'll start loving the person 4 or 5 years down the road if you just live with him/her. This bollywood c*ap has ruined people minds and every girl dreams of a prince charming coming to her rescue while singing his heart out in middle of the night for her... it only happens in indian movies.
How do you differentiate between loving someone before the marriage or after the marriage... for those who believe so strongly in this so called eternal love, shouldn't you start loving just anyone?!? *I know the argument here is, well if it is an arranged marriage, the person has no option but to love that one... I totally disagree, we don't live in a society where arranged marriages are done where guy or a girl only see each other on the wedding day. This is a modern society, even the arranged marriages nowdays aren't really arranged, its more like families are helping the guy and girl to meet each other and then you go on spending time with each other to see if you can co-exist. There is no restrictions of getting married then neither are you married yet... yet people still complain of getting arranged. This is not arranged! *
In conclusion, arranged or not, love is a name of fascination... what we learn to do is, coexist... this could happen before or after marriage. There is no need for arrangement or love and then marriage!
are you male or female ?