I watched Brick Lane this weekend (I’ve never read the book :sid: ) and at the risk of spoiling the book for others, one of the themes of the movie was the wife coming to a realization almost 20 years after she was married to her husband (who was much older, not attractive, and with whom she had little to nothing in common), that she respected him and did in fact love him.
So my question for those in an arranged relationship, was love an epiphany for some of you, or was it a gradual realization that this other person mattered to you and that you loved him/her?
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I don't buy this. even if you live with a dog for 5-6 years, after 5-6 years you will be so used to him that you would feel like you love him. this thing is true to every single thing that you would spend time with for more than 3-4 years .. it could be anything, a man, a woman, a toy or some pet!
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I don't buy this. even if you live with a dog for 5-6 years, after 5-6 years you will be so used to him that you would feel like you love him. this thing is true to every single thing that you would spend time with for more than 3-4 years .. it could be anything, a man, a woman, a toy or some pet!
I don't agree with that - I've seen some couples who NEVER come to like each other, let alone love one another. For them they're merely co-existing because they don't know how to live on their own.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I don't agree with that - I've seen some couples who NEVER come to like each other, let alone love one another. For them they're merely co-existing because they don't know how to live on their own.
That doesnt mean the vast majority of people dont come to love each other after spending a long time with and depending on each other. you are stating exceptions. T1000 is right.
what are you trying so hard to justify? be honest with yourself.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I don't agree with that - I've seen some couples who NEVER come to like each other, let alone love one another. For them they're merely co-existing because they don't know how to live on their own.
they aren't willing to accept the fact that they are gona fal in love ..
its more or less a bollywood world that has been created in the mind of lots of people. Girls start dreaming about their prince charming no sooner they get married. start considering their majazi khuda bla bla bla .. and by the end of 4-5 years, they eventually fall in love with them. They are raised with the mentality that you will get married, you will go the other house, where everyeone would love you bla bla bla bla bla bla bla .. what do you expect?
same goes to boys as well ..
a kid and a toy has nothing in common .. but let the kid play with it and keep that toy in his room for 4-5 years .. by then end of time he would be so comfortable with its existence that he wouldn't be able to imagine his world without it. Ofcourse that toy has to be little responsive ...
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
:hinna: Honestly, if you go back and just READ the first post, you’ll see I asked a general question based on a MOVIE I watched! I’m not out to prove anything.
As for my response to TT, he made a broad-based statement and I indicated the exceptions to the statement.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I had a love cum arranged marriage with my husband, he was my first cousin, we had liking for each other. Our engagement lasted for almost 4.5 yrs and yes, we got close, i loved him, but i wont say that i was in head over heels in love with him, not until we got married. When i got to know the true him, the liking changed to love and respect and now i cannot even imagine my life without him. It takes time for the love to become stronger, then it gets mingled with so many other factors and becomes eternal. True love does exist, and it is nothing without respect. I guess its a gradual realization.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I had a love cum arranged marriage with my husband, he was my first cousin, we had liking for each other. Our engagement lasted for almost 4.5 yrs and yes, we got close, i loved him, but i wont say that i was in head over heels in love with him, not until we got married. When i got to know the true him, the liking changed to love and respect and now i cannot even imagine my life without him. It takes time for the love to become stronger, then it gets mingled with so many other factors and becomes eternal. True love does exist, and it is nothing without respect. I guess its a gradual realization.
awww ... sounds like rab nay bana di jori .. :p ..
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I had a love cum arranged marriage with my husband, he was my first cousin, we had liking for each other. Our engagement lasted for almost 4.5 yrs and yes, we got close, i loved him, but i wont say that i was in head over heels in love with him, not until we got married. When i got to know the true him, the liking changed to love and respect and now i cannot even imagine my life without him. It takes time for the love to become stronger, then it gets mingled with so many other factors and becomes eternal. True love does exist, and it is nothing without respect. I guess its a gradual realization.
you dont need to spend much time with someone to fall in love.
you had a relationship with him for 4.5 years and didnt fall in love with him.
you werent head over heels in love with him because you werent attracted to him.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
^Ofcourse i liked him, i was attracted to him, i was getting married to him so ofcourse yes, otherwise why would i? What i mean to say is you cannot know the true self of a person unless you live with him/her and you cannot love a person unless you know their true self. Its nothing philosophical.
