Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
awww ... sounds like rab nay bana di jori .. :p ..
I can see that movie was so influential!
ohh how did you know about my obsession with the movie, its not fair :p
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
^Ofcourse i liked him, i was attracted to him, i was getting married to him so ofcourse yes, otherwise why would i? What i mean to say is you cannot know the true self of a person unless you live with him/her and you cannot love a person unless you know their true self. Its nothing philosophical.
IMO things like attraction and falling in love are very natural and effortless they just happen unconditionally and rather quickly.
No one can question your love for your husband now but yours was a very shall we say 'controlled situation'. you knew you had to marry him so probably made an effort to start liking him. Maybe you didnt meet each other that often or didnt date.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
IMO things like attraction and falling in love are very natural and effortless they just happen unconditionally and rather quickly. No one can question your love for your husband now but yours was a very shall we say 'controlled situation'. you knew you had to marry him so probably made an effort to start liking him. Maybe you didnt meet each other that often or didnt date.
No, it was love cum arranged, you probably missed that!
I am not here to prove anything, its just my 2 cents. Yes you can fall in love, i was talking about love getting stronger with time!
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
I read the book…but I didn’t finish it…cuz I got bored. Sehrysh, correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t there a part in the book where she felt an attraction toward another guy who would come to her apartment (someone either around her age or younger)? And I vaguely recall her clipping his nasty hard as rock toenails and calloused skin for him…unless than was another book? 
All these desi books are starting to blur.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
hahaha…i guess you are getting it right as i just watched the trailer. Thinking of putting it in my netflix queue Sehrysh, do you recommend?
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
LOL! It was the same book.
**Spoiler Alert
**
She has an affair with the guy and only later realizes that she can/does love her husband.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
^
how touching.
Dont know what self-respecting man would want that kind of love. but this is obviously about womens interests so..
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
Yeah, it was a pretty good movie. Interesting story overall.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
Idk, it is hard for me to understand the arrange marriage scenario. I don't mean to say that couples in arrange marriages do not love each other but I can't help but think that it is very circumstantial.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
Yeah, it was a pretty good movie. Interesting story overall.
what movie .. :s .. i am too lazy to read the posts
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
Brick Lane! That’s the movie that inspired the thread. I take it you didn’t read the first post?
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
i was too much occupied and got confused if you guys were referring to a movie or a book … i know i am llazy so dun be mad at me 
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
If you eventually love someone and can't live without them, then what's the difference between that kind of love and "falling in love" based on attraction? I don't get the whole hoopla.
There are many times where you find someone attractive -- think you're in love -- get married, and start disliking them because of certain qualities --love is still there, because they're your spouse
AND THEN,
There are many times where you find someone not attractive, but alright -- you get married -- and start falling in love with their personality and the way they care about you -- the love is still there..
You can't say that there's a difference between those that start loving their spouses after marriage, and those that love them because of initial attraction. In the end, those that claim they're in love with their spouse will tell you that they are attracted to their spouse as well.
BTW, there are many couples that get arranged married, and never fall in love.. They have kids, and stay together for their sake or for the sake of cultural or societal norms
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I wonder how many people from the younger generation would be okay with staying in a marriage where you don't feel an attraction toward your spouse...don't feel that romantic love...but there's mutual respect. Is it enough?
I did not like Brick Lane, Sehrysh. I tried. But I couldn't get into it...so I don't know how the story ended. But I found her husband off-putting. I love Pride and Prejudice...that's my favorite in terms of relationships/romance. I have a crush on Mr. Darcy and I finally got a hold of the zombie version of the book, which was a bestseller I believe...I'm hoping the darker version will be good.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
I never read the book - the movie was a "girls' night in" watch. What surprised me about the story was despite how off-putting the husband was and the fact that horrible as it seems, her having an affair made sense (not that it was justified), at the end she decided that she did love her husband. There was no physical attraction on her part, but it seems the essential goodness of the man he was made her realize she cared for and loved him.
To your question about the younger generation remaining in a passionless but companionable relationship - I think the smart ones would stay in such a relationship since there's no certainty that the next time out in a relationship that they would find both passion and respect - so it's a one in the hand and two in the bush scenario - better with what is certain, than what is uncertain.
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage…(Brick Lane)
<3 <3 <3
I started Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and then lost it (or misplaced the book somewhere I guess).. It was pretty interesting. I need to buy another copy.. speaking of zombies, I Just picked up World War Z. Heard it’s also supposed to be good. This may also explain the zombie dreams I’ve recently been having. :-/ Or maybe I shouldn’t eat chocolate so soon before going to bed
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
well there r couples who hav love marriages n then after couple yrs they fall out of love. so there is no hard n fast rule
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
**I wonder how many people from the younger generation would be okay with staying in a marriage where you don't feel an attraction toward your spouse...don't feel that romantic love...but there's mutual respect. Is it enough?
I did not like Brick Lane, Sehrysh. I tried. But I couldn't get into it...**so I don't know how the story ended. But I found her husband off-putting. I love Pride and Prejudice...that's my favorite in terms of relationships/romance. I have a crush on Mr. Darcy and I finally got a hold of the zombie version of the book, which was a bestseller I believe...I'm hoping the darker version will be good.
I couldn't get into that book either..
I wouldn't stay with a guy I didn't love..
Can't imagine being intimate with someone I'm not attracted to either just for the sake of it or just going thru the motions..
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
love love love... it sort of pisses me off to know that what people call love is no more than a mere fascination or in other words a crush. Who is to say that the person you "love" right now, you will not have a falling out 4 or 5 years down the road just as who's to say you'll start loving the person 4 or 5 years down the road if you just live with him/her. This bollywood c*ap has ruined people minds and every girl dreams of a prince charming coming to her rescue while singing his heart out in middle of the night for her... it only happens in indian movies.
How do you differentiate between loving someone before the marriage or after the marriage... for those who believe so strongly in this so called eternal love, shouldn't you start loving just anyone?!? I know the argument here is, well if it is an arranged marriage, the person has no option but to love that one... I totally disagree, we don't live in a society where arranged marriages are done where guy or a girl only see each other on the wedding day. This is a modern society, even the arranged marriages nowdays aren't really arranged, its more like families are helping the guy and girl to meet each other and then you go on spending time with each other to see if you can co-exist. There is no restrictions of getting married then neither are you married yet... yet people still complain of getting arranged. This is not arranged!
In conclusion, arranged or not, love is a name of fascination... what we learn to do is, coexist... this could happen before or after marriage. There is no need for arrangement or love and then marriage!
Re: Loving your spouse in an arranged marriage...(Brick Lane)
love love love... it sort of pisses me off to know that what people call love is no more than a mere fascination or in other words a crush. Who is to say that the person you "love" right now, you will not have a falling out 4 or 5 years down the road just as who's to say you'll start loving the person 4 or 5 years down the road if you just live with him/her. This bollywood c*ap has ruined people minds and every girl dreams of a prince charming coming to her rescue while singing his heart out in middle of the night for her... it only happens in indian movies.
How do you know?? Just cos it hasn't happened to you?