Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Monk · January 24, 2009, 1:00am

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

woo iggle.

boredom · January 24, 2009, 1:39am

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

my husband liked me since childhood but hid his feelings until he was in 2nd year mbbs, he then mailed me and tried calling me (i was too shy 2 talk 2 him). I didnt respond well, he then told his parents and then they talked to mine… they then asked me and i was ok

love from him… arranged by our parents then.

Iggle · January 24, 2009, 4:14am

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Punching Monk, shay9164, bride2be, lush beauty, roya, orpheus, carpool, rainyday, mehri - awww bless you guys are all so sweet! Hope I have not missed anyone! :)

Sorry to make some of you cry! But be rest assured that life is treating me very well, alhamdolilah. Everyday is a new day with my little girl and I am very grateful to Allah Ta'lah swt always.

Boredom - thats so endering that he loved you since childhood!

Straight_up · January 24, 2009, 4:26am

Iggle, I read your story and the way I felt was undescribable - the last time I felt like this was when one of my close friends lost her dad and then mom within two weeks. I felt so lost for words. Just like I did when reading your post.

But now after seeing you think and live life so positively and gratefully, it made me swell with pride and brought a smile to my face - you are one heck of a strong woman, may Allah bless you always. :)

Reha · January 24, 2009, 4:40am

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Iggle...I dont even know what to say when I read your story. I feel sad you lost your wonderful husband but also admire your positivity and courage. I have no words to describe my exact emotions but I definitely pray that Allah swt keeps you happy, always. Ameen. :)

pakigurl · January 24, 2009, 4:50am

iggle:

I had a beautiful love marriage. Always makes me smile whenever I remember how my Husband and I met. Makes others laugh.

I was in west end, London, out shopping with my friends. I said goodbye to them, put on my head phones as a carefree teenager...and headed towards the bus stop. I walked across the road without looking and a black car hit me. It was my fault for being such a goof as the driver couldn't have stopped in time. The driver happened to be a med student so he was confident and calm and checked my leg (...which hadn't been waxed! Why fate doesn't prepare us for these things?!) and he and his friends drove me to A&E. He never left my side, and watched again how my hairy leg was being handled by the other Docs. (It wasn't too hairy btw - nothing to scare anyone away!) and he waited until my parents came. My parents were so cool and friendly with him b/c of his enderaing, graceful manner. His parents came to our home with flowers later apologizing - even though it wasn't his fault! But they never knew we fell for each other in the hospital! I just thought he was the most handsome, sweetest guy I ever saw.

It took us four years to convince my inlaws as they only married 'inside' their clan. In time we won and got married. Our marriage was so beautiful marshallah and my Husband was the most ideal with the coolest and calmest personality.

I was widowed 11 months after marriage when we were both involved in a car accident. I was 7 months pregnant at that time and went into a coma for a few months. When I woke up a few months later I knew he was gone. I knew it before my parents broke the news. Its been four years since I last saw his beautiful smile but in my heart I still feel married to him.

So there is my 'love' story. :)

aww i love your storyy..hope everything goes well for you and good luck in the future..just have a quick question how old were you and how old was he when you guys first met?

Iggle · January 24, 2009, 6:34am

Jazak allah khair. :)

And PSquarded too! What friendly guppies we have on Gupshup!

Iggle · January 24, 2009, 7:09am

Aww. I have received so many PM's asking about my age and what happened after. I will share it here then for those who PM'ed me.

I was 16th when we met. Husband was 19. We had a 3/4 yr age gap cos' our bdays were close. My Husband helped me apply to his uni and the interview etc...and I got admission at same uni. An excuse to spend more time together as his course was 6 years! We used to study together a lot in the uni library and he did so much of my coursework as well as his own! Lol! We faced a lot of probs with his fam' as he was Pathan and I was Punjabi. His fam' has never married out of their clan - so we made a new record. :)

I got married at 21...he was 25. Young but we felt it was the best decision for us. Accident happened when I was 22. I was studying for my MSc and I had prepared for all my January exams! I was 7 months pregnant and driving. Baby was kicking hard and Hubby told me to swap seats with him. We swapped seats and when we got to traffic light, our car was station and this drunk guy hit the side of our car. He was driving a stolen car at over 100 mph. My Husband died straight away. I was unconsious, went into a coma and my 23rd bday passed by too. Docs took my baby out so she was premature. But she was a fighter like her Mom.

I'm 26 now. It took me a while to recover at the hospital after I woke up. When I woke up I started crying b/c I could never remember hearing my Husband's voice. I used to hear my family and friends talk to me but I was so weak and couldn't open my eyes to respond. But soon I knew why I couldn't hear him. After I refused to talk to any shrink as my questions were for Allah Ta'lah swt directly. Docs got more worried as I remained so calm and didn't cry. I picked myself up quickly as I didn't know what else to do. I used to go swimming a lot - a good place to cry as no one could tell! I prayed daily and read Quran.

I went on Umra with my Husband before. Someone told me that when you look at Kaaba for first time, make a prayer and Allah Talah swt will answer that prayer. I asked to grow old with my Husband. :)

My parents took me on Umra again as they were worried about my 'calm' behaviour and b/c I never cried. I remember looking at the kabaa and remembering the prayer/ wish I asked for. I asked in my mind why should I live without him and why I was given such a cruel test from Allah Talah swt. Then I started crying infront of kabaa and my Dad just hugged me tightly. But I am not angry at anyone. Even I forgave the young driver. I re-did my MSc year and now I am studying another 2nd degree part-time. I go back to work in Sept' and my little one starts nursery too. She is so intelligent, Marshallah like her Dad. So much to look forward too but I keep my Husband in my memory and prayers always.

Sweet memories of him make my heart ache even as I write this. But I realised I will just have to live with the pain of missing him. Even I still have his fav' aftershave as I miss his sweet scent.

Allah Ta'lah swt is still so kind and rewarding.

Iggle · January 24, 2009, 7:10am

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Ps - sorry for long post! Didn't realise it was that long! Lol. Hope it answered all the questions in PM etc.

dildirani · January 24, 2009, 9:13am

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Iggle

Alhamdulilah you are such a strong woman masha’allah. What happened with you is so tragic and I am sorry for your immense loss. I refrained from replying to your post because I found it upsetting, but I could not refrain any longer.

For you to come out so positive is a lesson to us all. We stumble at the smallest hurdle, yeteven after everything that has happened, you have picked yourself up and made something of your life, and for your daughter. I am sure your husband is so proud of you and your daughter.

May Allah swt always keep you within His care and love. May you and your daughter be happy always. Aameen!

Words fail me!Sorry

annymou5 · January 24, 2009, 9:48am

gud lesson for girls like....

i am starting to forgive my husband for not being able to take time out for me....
we dont realize their love untill its not there for us....

you are sucha strong women.... i am speechless right now.... after reading you story.....

many many duas for you and for your husband....

i heard that whenever we talk good about a person who is passed away..... they feel a breeze and upon asking farista tell him that so and so is remembering you in good words......

May Allah bless his soul...... May Allah give you a very happy life.... ur daughter make you proud :)

western_girl · January 24, 2009, 9:56am

You are a really strong woman Iggle!
And Im sure you will have a happy life.

Otherwise: I have found my husband myself of course. After long and long searching...But finally he is just a guy -and the first guy - who would have been chosen by my parents too (regarding their preferences).
So I believe the arranged thing can work.. sumtimes..
just as the love marriage ... again sometimes.

somehowcollide · January 24, 2009, 10:44am

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Iggle you should be an inspiration to each and everyone of us. You understand the beauty of life.

I truly cannot articulate the way you have moved me. What you and your husband shared was without a doubt, LOVE. It was a gift from Allah.

As touching as your story is, what amazes me more is your disposition. Thank you for being so open with us and letting us learn from your story. <3

Lush-Beauty · January 24, 2009, 3:13pm

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Oh Thnx iggle 4 telling us ur full story
u r v strong women.I hav learnt a gr8 lesson from ur exp.
May Allah bless U:) Insha_Allah

pink_x3 · January 24, 2009, 8:53pm

i agree!! ur really are a strong woman.. May Allah give u so much happiness

i cant stopp crying nd your story makes me realize how unthankful i am nd dont really apperciate life! thanks for reminding me..

princessjojo · January 24, 2009, 9:06pm

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Iggle,

Your story has thoroughly moved me. I'm amazed at your positive attitude and salute it. It's wonderful that you have an intelligent daughter who reminds you of your beautiful past. I think you are probably one of only 2-3 strong and optimistic people I have ever encountered.

I will always remember your story. I wish you the best of whatever life has to offer.

Take care.

Gr8Heera · January 25, 2009, 12:05pm

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

I am so touched by your story too friendy.

Love you so much and little princess too.

Have a great life with your daughter and whatever you want.

Good luck.

meher1982 · January 28, 2009, 9:01am

iggle!

i am simply speechless! i had tears in my eyes while reading ur story.. i pray for u and for ur princess.. May Allah bless u both..

i want to say so much but i dont have words to express what i am feeling at the moment..

bus Allah aap ko iss k baad koi dukh na dikhaey aur Aap apni beti ki khushiyan dekhein. amen

Iggle · January 29, 2009, 7:03pm

Re: Love or Arranged Marriage ?

Wow. You are all so sweet! Wow. :)

Chipkali · January 30, 2009, 12:11am

iggle:

Aww. I have received so many PM's asking about my age and what happened after. I will share it here then for those who PM'ed me.

I was 16th when we met. Husband was 19. We had a 3/4 yr age gap cos' our bdays were close. My Husband helped me apply to his uni and the interview etc...and I got admission at same uni. An excuse to spend more time together as his course was 6 years! We used to study together a lot in the uni library and he did so much of my coursework as well as his own! Lol! We faced a lot of probs with his fam' as he was Pathan and I was Punjabi. His fam' has never married out of their clan - so we made a new record. :)

I got married at 21...he was 25. Young but we felt it was the best decision for us. Accident happened when I was 22. I was studying for my MSc and I had prepared for all my January exams! I was 7 months pregnant and driving. Baby was kicking hard and Hubby told me to swap seats with him. We swapped seats and when we got to traffic light, our car was station and this drunk guy hit the side of our car. He was driving a stolen car at over 100 mph. My Husband died straight away. I was unconsious, went into a coma and my 23rd bday passed by too. Docs took my baby out so she was premature. But she was a fighter like her Mom.

I'm 26 now. It took me a while to recover at the hospital after I woke up. When I woke up I started crying b/c I could never remember hearing my Husband's voice. I used to hear my family and friends talk to me but I was so weak and couldn't open my eyes to respond. But soon I knew why I couldn't hear him. After I refused to talk to any shrink as my questions were for Allah Ta'lah swt directly. Docs got more worried as I remained so calm and didn't cry. I picked myself up quickly as I didn't know what else to do. I used to go swimming a lot - a good place to cry as no one could tell! I prayed daily and read Quran.

I went on Umra with my Husband before. Someone told me that when you look at Kaaba for first time, make a prayer and Allah Talah swt will answer that prayer. I asked to grow old with my Husband. :)

My parents took me on Umra again as they were worried about my 'calm' behaviour and b/c I never cried. I remember looking at the kabaa and remembering the prayer/ wish I asked for. I asked in my mind why should I live without him and why I was given such a cruel test from Allah Talah swt. Then I started crying infront of kabaa and my Dad just hugged me tightly. But I am not angry at anyone. Even I forgave the young driver. I re-did my MSc year and now I am studying another 2nd degree part-time. I go back to work in Sept' and my little one starts nursery too. She is so intelligent, Marshallah like her Dad. So much to look forward too but I keep my Husband in my memory and prayers always.

Sweet memories of him make my heart ache even as I write this. But I realised I will just have to live with the pain of missing him. Even I still have his fav' aftershave as I miss his sweet scent.

Allah Ta'lah swt is still so kind and rewarding.

Your an amazingly courageous person, m'A. Firstly, I felt so sad when I read your story - you've been through so much, losing your husband and all - I really pray for Allah (swt) to grant your dear husband a place in jannat, ameen. Secondly let me say that you are one of the most brave and positive people I have read about, m'A. By reading your story, I realized how short life really is and all the little things we worry/think/stress over in our everyday lives are nothing in comparison to the bigger things in store for us.. the way you fought so hard to remain calm and positive in the most dreadful situation anyone can imagine being in is ever so inspiring for all of us. Your strength, optimism, faith in Allah (swt) and the way your continuing with your life/education are all just too amazing, m'A. I pray with all my heart, that you and your daughter are forver protected by Allah (swt) and that your rewarded greatly for all your stength & faith, with lots of success & happiness in the future. May Allah bless you & your family, ameen. -xxxxx