more often than compared to arranged marriage. But why? Is it because love marriage is inherently a bad decision based on emotional response whereas an arranged marriage is decided by elders taking more than just the ‘chemistry factor’?
I beg to disagree.
I think the divorce rate for arranged marriages is lower because the type of people who agree to such an arrangement are the compromising types to begin with. They are, either by choice or pressure, fine with not making their own decisions completely.
Whereas the types who go for marriage of choice are strong headed personality types. They like to take charge of the situation. And when things don’t go as expected they again take charge of the situation and make decisions, good or bad is another topic for discussion.
So, my point is that arranged marriage in itself is not the recipe for a divorce-free marriage but rather the people who agree to it are more than likely to put up with the negative aspects of a marriage much more easily than those who go for love marriages.
i agree with huma, it really comes down to the type of ppl in a marriage not the type of marriage. i actually think that the reason for lower divorce rates in arranged marriages is due to the fact that with arranged marriages the whole family is involved therefore there's more pressure on the couple to stay together.
i watched a documentary a couple of years ago about british muslims and marriage and they featured different stories and there was one couple who had an arranged marriage and they wanted to divorce but they ended up staying together due to family pressure and the guy didn't want to dishonour his dad by divorcing his brother's daugther.
I also saw a documentary .. in law school. And the same reason was given as well as others. For example, sure there is not a per se "divorce" but couples in arranged marriages have a higher rate of "separation" as opposed to married couples. The girl goes back to live with her family or if it is a couple who has been married for a long time and has children who are also older... they tend to just live in different cities as opposed to getting a divorce. So legally they are married. Plus statistics are a bit skewed in that there are a LOT of arranged marriages that take place in countries where the culture and laws make it difficult for the girl to even contemplate divorce. So they just stay in it.
Love marriages - happen more in the West and it is also much easier for one to get a divorce here, survive and live in this culture and move on with her life.
I agree with funguy on this one. I do believe that personalities types matter but usually people who agree to arrange marriages suck up a lot of the negative aspects ofthe marriage and try to make it work.
P.S. Its not as easy as some people may think to get a divorce in the west.
P.S. Its not as easy as some people may think to get a divorce in the west.
The actual process of Divorce is time consuming and a horrible one at that. But it is easier to actually file for one. One does not have to prove much (irreconcilable and irretrievable breakdown of the marriage is the reason given on 99.9% of petitions I have come across) And it is more accepted in the western hemisphere as opposed to the eastern hemisphere.
Mine was arranged and turned out to be a complete failure. Rightly said by many posters above it's the people involved in marriage that matters and not the type of marriage.
Arranged Marriage vs Love Marriage [split from future spouse being Namazi]
i dunno TLK.... for me its the niyat... if it aint there, i dont buy it. But im not God.... so if He accepts it, who am i to judge?
Sadzz, in many things in life, its the action that comes first and then we grow real love and dedciation for that thing. Its like arrange marriage. Love is important factor but that is not the reason you married that person, neverthless Love happened later on.
^ but then thats why so many of us go for 'love' marriages then huh? :) cus we dont like the arranged scenario
More love marriages are happening but do you know that the divorce rate in our community is huge, way way higher than the rate of that same in our parents generation (and they had arrange marriages) :p
and just cus we dont see them happening in arranged marriages, doesnt mean those marriages arent doomed... people are livnig separately, they arent divorced, but they arent together either... so these people are trying to dodge God by saying "hey we didnt divorce but we can live separately" righhhhhttt
this comes down to the same point again.... just cus ur praying, regardless of whether u have good niyat or not, at least ur doing it..
same as.... regardless of whether u have a good marriage or not... at least u have one. doesnt matter if ur happy or not.. ur married and not divorced... rriiiiggghht
Shukar hai, Allah is smarter than all of us...
question: u think love marriages are doomed? and arranged marriages is the way to go?
First of all, the failure of marriage is not as invisible as you think it is. Just from the top of my head, I can come up with dozen known cases of divorces from my generation and down ...cant come up with even 2 from my parents generation. I am sure your list will be pretty similar as mine.
I am not saying that arrange marriage is the way to go. I think one reason why arrange marriage survives is because of the support system that families of both sides provide cause they see it as their responsibilty as they were the one who made the decision of whose going to marry whom.
In love marriages, that support system is lacking, at least the responsibility factor is lacking cause it was not parents decision.
The reason why arranged marriages dont end up in divorce is quite simple **majority **of arranged marriages are within families. So even if you want to you cant divorce. Because the whole family will hate you. Love marriage its free will, If you divorce its not the end of the world. It happens.
I just said that in another thread .. but let me quote myself
[QUOTE]
I think one reason why arrange marriage survives is because of the support system that families of both sides provide cause they see it as their responsibilty as they were the one who made the decision of whose going to marry whom.
In love marriages, that support system is lacking, at least the responsibility factor is lacking cause it was not parents decision.
[/QUOTE]
Re: Arranged Marriage vs Love Marriage [split from future spouse being Namazi]
^ actually no... i know of quite a few people frmo our parents generation who have been divorced or separated... its not that uncommon.. just more hush hush
and even if the responsiblity factor is lacking in a love marriage, its still a marriage.
No parent, or most parents, do not want to see their children end up in divorce... more importantly, once a couple is a couple, they need to take their own responsibility in ensuring their marriage lasts. Be it arranged or love.
You simply cannot shove off ur misfortunes onto ur parents place, just cus u agreed to marry someone of their choice. At the end of the day, it was ur choice to give them that choice. And that is why so many people in our culture are screwed up.... or cannot stand up on their own two feet. Cannot take responsibility for their actions.
And i am not referring just to men... women do the same. Blame their parents for their misfortunes
More love marriages are happening but do you know that the divorce rate in our community is huge, way way higher than the rate of that same in our parents generation (and they had arrange marriages) :p
Hav you ever thought because people were so narrow minded, and all they thought about was 'baystee' and what people wud say. And everyone wud chat sh*t about the Girl. They was too scared to have a divorce back in the day. But these days you still get sum narrow minded idiots, But divorce is there for a reason!
Not coz it was Love or Arranged for God sakes!
^ have u ever felt u didnt get the support from ur family? seriously?
mine was a love marriage... and ive never felt that i havent been supported. Infact, i was supported to find someone on my own.. and even now, i get the support from both sides...