Taking the story at its face value, I'd agree that the person who took your photo and then spread it around is a moron. However, the people who told her father about your past did absolutely nothing wrong as far as I can see. When someone is thinking of marrying their daughter off to a foreign land, they usually enquire about the boy from people who live there. Now you admit that your behaviour was not what any Pakistani father would approve of. The people he enquired from had to tell him what they knew. You changed after you moved to Australia so they might not have known about the change or even if they did, they might still have felt the need to disclose everything they knew so they'd not be accused of hiding information.
umm .. there is lots on my mind after reading your entry, some positives, some negatives -
1- Firstly, its great you realized in time that you were on a wrong track & got out of it as soon as you could.
2- Her dad did the right thing, no father agrees to get her daughter married off with a person who has had a bad reputation. Parents are insecure & such a decision is usually called for.
3- Those who told your dad about your background, not sure what to say. They did the right thing from their end.
4- Making out on the airport, really? You both made a wrong move here culturally, religously & socially.
5- Those who took your pictures & posted them, horrible horrible action. People who have such bad intentions usually end up in big trouble themselves as well.
6- But whatever happened to Aisha & what we know she went through & we dont know wen through is all sad.
You are right to a great extent - backbiting, gossips, back stabbing, eavesdropping are such bad habits in our society that they should actually be called cancerous. People's words & actions hurt and cause a ripple effect in other's life so much & they don't really watch it. The least we can do is watch ourselves & those close to us being part of these things.
What I would advise here is that never look back and never try to contact her because this may cause unrest in her new family life.
Your messages through mutual friends can make her situation worse: 1) She will not forget you and it will make it hard for her to move on, 2) Chances people might suspect something is going on again because "Pakistani" make alot of assumptions and come to their own conclusions to be rumoured around.
In our culture a woman's dignity is of highest value. Her whole khandaan must have seen those pictures and i can only imagine how people may taunt her day and night for being besharma etc. etc.
I dont know if her life would ever be normal because our people never let go of negatives. They remove their personal insecurites by finding flaws. So basicly we should watch our words and actions for it can change ones life disastrously.
I would say just this to OP , it was a test from Allah for you. Since you have taken the right path please stay the course , Inshallah Allah will help you overcome all obstacles in your life and make it easy for you. I will pray for you.
Taking the story at its face value, I'd agree that the person who took your photo and then spread it around is a moron. However, the people who told her father about your past did absolutely nothing wrong as far as I can see. When someone is thinking of marrying their daughter off to a foreign land, they usually enquire about the boy from people who live there. Now you admit that your behaviour was not what any Pakistani father would approve of. The people he enquired from had to tell him what they knew. You changed after you moved to Australia so they might not have known about the change or even if they did, they might still have felt the need to disclose everything they knew so they'd not be accused of hiding information.
I never said that the person who disclosed my past was wrong, I never hid anything from Aisha. Where did you get Australia from?
umm .. there is lots on my mind after reading your entry, some positives, some negatives -
1- Firstly, its great you realized in time that you were on a wrong track & got out of it as soon as you could.
2- Her dad did the right thing, no father agrees to get her daughter married off with a person who has had a bad reputation. Parents are insecure & such a decision is usually called for.
3- Those who told your dad about your background, not sure what to say. They did the right thing from their end.
4- Making out on the airport, really? You both made a wrong move here culturally, religously & socially.
5- Those who took your pictures & posted them, horrible horrible action. People who have such bad intentions usually end up in big trouble themselves as well.
6- But whatever happened to Aisha & what we know she went through & we dont know wen through is all sad.
You are right to a great extent - backbiting, gossips, back stabbing, eavesdropping are such bad habits in our society that they should actually be called cancerous. People's words & actions hurt and cause a ripple effect in other's life so much & they don't really watch it. The least we can do is watch ourselves & those close to us being part of these things.
No doubt about what you've said, we should look to better ourselves as a community. I wasn't to bothered by the fact I wouldn't be able to marry her, but about what happened after too Aisha, it made my blood boil.
What I would advise here is that never look back and never try to contact her because this may cause unrest in her new family life.
Your messages through mutual friends can make her situation worse: 1) She will not forget you and it will make it hard for her to move on, 2) Chances people might suspect something is going on again because "Pakistani" make alot of assumptions and come to their own conclusions to be rumoured around.
In our culture a woman's dignity is of highest value. Her whole khandaan must have seen those pictures and i can only imagine how people may taunt her day and night for being besharma etc. etc.
I dont know if her life would ever be normal because our people never let go of negatives. They remove their personal insecurites by finding flaws. So basicly we should watch our words and actions for it can change ones life disastrously.
It's been about a year since this whole incident took place, I stopped trying to contact her after the first month. I doubt anything I do now could help, but its the principle that upsets me. The fact I was unable to be with her is accepting, but the fact she was beaten and forced to marry her cousin (I don't understand why Pakistanis marry cousins, this to me is a big confusion).
I would say just this to OP , it was a test from Allah for you. Since you have taken the right path please stay the course , Inshallah Allah will help you overcome all obstacles in your life and make it easy for you. I will pray for you.
Thank you, I appreciate the thoughts and prayers, learning more about Islam and its history is something that helps calm a person, helps them to think logically.
The friends I knew were all foreign students at the university, only two of her friends resided in Pakistan, Aisha’s communications with these friends are limited. I’ve asked them many times to forward my message to her but they’ve yet to tell her. The friends do support me but also don’t want to be overly involved in something like this, I guess they don’t want to get dragged into this mess. She’s no longer in physical harm but I imagine the emotional harm has continued. She wasn’t a Singaporean citizen she was there on a student visa; I doubt I can convince the authorities as I have little to no evidence other than word of mouth from trusted people who I know do not want to get involved in such a serious matter.
I do realize it’s not my fault, but I could’ve done something to change the outcome, I should’ve been able to read her and what she was trying to tell me. She was shy; she had never been in a relationship like this before. I should’ve been more helpful, or I wish I could’ve learned how to better approach such a situation.
Be careful; if you do like him and know you are ready to be with him, stay with him. If you know your family well enough to know that they will not allow this, but know this is what you need and want then stay. But take what I say with a grain of salt, many guys (including me when I was a selfish hound) would coerce girls by trying to pit them against their parents or authority figure, it usually worked. Don’t get married forcefully, a good friend of mine was forced to marry a girl he didn’t have feelings for, a year after the marriage they had a child and got a divorce a few months apart; now that child will face a hard life, and the life of two adults is in ruin.
Goodluck with your endeavors, I hope whatever happens for the best.
No offense, but as romantic as eloping might sound, it would still come with negative consequences. As strict as her dad might be, such a step would really hurt her relationship with him and possibly with her siblings as well. I don't think that getting to know her brother and sister on Skype was such a bad idea. If things went well with you and her siblings....they could have even put in a good word for you to their (and Aisha's) father. Did you think about that? I think one knows their own family...family dynamics...better than another person...especially an outsider. If she wanted you meet them....her intuiton based upon her understanding of her family, i'm guessing, played a role in that request. I don't mean to be rude, but some of your views are lacking in reason.
The situation OP has described, I doubt that she has a good relation with her father even now.
But I do agree that she knew her family best and made a choice.
Life is nothing but a series of choices that we make and then we live with the consequences of those choices.
Aisha and Canada were at a point where the society or whatever was pushing them to choose between love and family and they chose family and thats the decision that they have to live with.
Its unfortunate that even after her family is gullible and did not give her same love and respect that she had in her heart for them.